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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD & I had a tiff

25 replies

KatyMac · 23/02/2014 20:32

I dropped her at a friends house (35 mile round trip)
Their meal was delayed & she missed the train home (3 miles to station at either end)
So DH had to go & get her

The issues are:

DH doesn't deal with change well & if she'd said before she left "if there are problems can you come & get me" all would have been fine

DD is moving out of home in 6 months (& she is only 16) and DH can't drive to London to sort her out if it happens when she leaves home

& I don't want her to leave home

Bugger!

OP posts:
chocoluvva · 23/02/2014 20:58

I'd be nervous about my DD leaving home when she was 16 too. But it sounds from your other posts as if she's normally very sensible - highly motivated and disciplined.

Does her dance -school have an online forum for parents of its pupils that you could go on?

Original poster
KatyMac · 23/02/2014 21:00

Possibly but as I won't know which school she will be at until mid-May probably - which tbh is part of the problem Hmm

Oh I am daft

OP posts:
chocoluvva · 23/02/2014 21:10

Oh goodness.

But you're not daft - I'd be the same.

There are several children who board at a weekly hostel in order to go to my DD's specialist school. They grumble about the hostel, but they usually manage without any problems. In the 5+ years my DD has been at school I've only known of one boarder getting into a scrape and she was only 12. If it's any consolation!

Original poster
KatyMac · 23/02/2014 21:11

For one college she will be in a Hall of Residence, for another she will be in digs with a landlady and for the third the college has flats and they match yr3s up with groups of yr1s

I feel so stupid to be so stressy

OP posts:
chocoluvva · 23/02/2014 21:16

Not stupid at all.

She'll probably be kept so busy she won't have time to get up to much!

You must be on tenterhooks waiting to hear where she's going to be placed! Does she have a preference?

Original poster
KatyMac · 23/02/2014 21:44

Well if it's the one with the Hall of Residence - she already stays there at the weekends so it's 'known' which makes that college attractive.

The one with the flats is interesting because she will be 'living alone' & the one with the digs is the better college but not as good a course

So it's too complicated

OP posts:
Original poster
KatyMac · 24/02/2014 18:40

We've made up & she agrees I was right Wink

OP posts:
cory · 25/02/2014 07:14

there, there... Cake, Brew, Wine, these girls of ours will grow up and be sensible and self sufficient, yes they will really, even if some of the growing up will have to be pretty sudden

your dd has done so well to get this far- and they do grow up very quickly

Original poster
KatyMac · 25/02/2014 08:01

Thank you

(are you sure)

OP posts:
Badvoc · 25/02/2014 08:04

Kids = change at short notice.
That's just how it is.

bruffin · 25/02/2014 08:33

I think it's very natural to be stressy at this stage, but your dd will be fine

My ds will hopefully going off to uni in september. He is very mature and sensible but also very disorganized and loses stuff a lot. He has already lost his train card early this year which cost me £20 to replace
I asked him for it at the weekend to renew the season ticket for this half term. He assured me it is in a "safe place", then he pulled his room to bits looking for it. It turns out the "safe place" is down the side of his gf bed at her uni 60 miles away Hmm

I despair and cant imagine how he will manage without losing stuff and he will be 19 by then.

Original poster
KatyMac · 25/02/2014 09:02

Bruffin- she isgoing2 years early (imo) so I need her to be more responsible 'sooner' iyswim

Badvoc I know - but her dad can't fix it for her when she moves out, so we are trying desperately to prepare her to be more independent

OP posts:
bruffin · 25/02/2014 09:16

I know Katy, and even more for you to stress, but dont underestimate her. From everything you have said she sounds a very sensible girl and she will manage

mummytime · 25/02/2014 09:28

It will be fine!

I am sure that which ever college will have a system of mentors to turn to (someone I knew who did this at Uni, ended up delivering a baby once).
London is a lot friendlier than you might think. DS has been given a travel pass to get home when he lost his ticket. I've been given a free bus ride when my pocket was picked etc. etc.
She also does need to grow up, and this is relatively safe - wait until she is living in Japan or where-ever with no knowledge of the language.

I would also be very honest with her about how it makes you anxious. Do also re-enforce the rules about good friends look out for each other, trusting her instincts (and maybe talking about red flags).

mrsjay · 25/02/2014 11:51

you are over thinking this I know it was a pita to go and pick her up but she made a mistake if you are not there she will need to work it out for herself, I wouldnt want dd leaving home at 16 either but if it was what she needed to do to do what she wanted to do then,, all you can do is support her, stop over thinking i know it is hard but chill out

Original poster
KatyMac · 25/02/2014 12:29

I know it's me that has the problem Mrsjay; I'm just imagining her visiting a friend in the autumn missing the last bus/train home (or there being unexpected engineering works) & being trapped on the wrong side of London.

It's unlikely to happen, I am being pathetic; but do you know what? I am!! Sad

OP posts:
mumeeee · 25/02/2014 12:30

You are not daft. It's normal to get stressed about your DC leaving home especially if she is only 16. However I'm sure she'll be fine she sounds quite a sensible young lady.

mummytime · 25/02/2014 13:05

When I was 15, I travelled across London with my German Penfriend and on to Windsor, all by ourselves.
It was fine!

then when we got back to London, both Generators for the London Underground had blown up (or something). There was no Underground.

I had to work out how the heck we were going to get across London and home. I coped! (It involved a lot of jumping on and off buses heading in vaguely the right direction).
Its amazing what you can do in a crisis

mrsjay · 25/02/2014 15:09

you are not pathetic and of course you are sad she is going to be leaving home and you have invested so much into her gettign where she wants to be that I think it might just be hitting you that she will actually be going away ,

Badvoc · 25/02/2014 16:00

Part of becoming independent I guess :)

Original poster
KatyMac · 25/02/2014 17:45

Thanks everyone; I'm sure I'll get over it Hmm

It's just hard when they grow up

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 25/02/2014 17:50

If it's any consolation, many children go off to uni at 16 in Scotland. I did, and DH did. DS didn't - he'll be 17 - but many if his friends did. Honestly - I think of 16 year olds as independent people, able to sort things out themselves.

Original poster
KatyMac · 26/02/2014 07:41

Hmm, that's true & she has Scottish blood (very diluted Wink)

Maybe she'll be fine....(it's me I'm worried aboutHmm)

OP posts:
mummytime · 26/02/2014 07:53

It is always very hard when your baby leaves home. But it will get better.

mrsjay · 26/02/2014 09:01

It's just hard when they grow up

you know what you are right, it just is

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