DD-GCSEs coming up/stress/crying/suicide.

[MatureStudent37]

My daughter sits most her GCSE exams in the next few months, for the last few weeks she's been crying. Last week she said she can't cope with it all, it's all too much, she thinks shes fat (shes thin) she's ugly, her foreheads too big, she has no friends and she wants to go to sleep and never wake up, she cries all the time. It's awful. I have arranged for her to start seeing a counsellor this Thurs, to see our family doctor and I am being over-the-top ridiculously nice and supportive to her! what else can I do? no-one else knows, as she wants it that way. I am a single parent and it's damn hard!

Hi my son went through a rough time like this last year. I was called to the school as he had said he wanted to end his life. So feel your pain. The school helped by setting him up with some counsellor sessions.
I contacted Mind also they sent me some info.
There is alot of pressure on the kids to do well at school so it's not surprising she is feeling stressed.
Would she/is she willing to revise? Just an idea but maybe a revision timetable to help her start to feel in control?
Pm anytime if you need to chat. I expect someone will be alone with some better advice but wanted to reply. And say that I am good at listening if you need a ear. Hope she gets the help she needs.

It sounds like she's putting herself under a lot of pressure with her GCSEs, but this is something that you really need to address sooner rather than later, as it's not like there's going to be less pressure when it comes to her A Levels.

Have you had the chat about 'just do your best, and I'll always be proud of you whatever happens'?

sorry to hear this . its a good sign she is telling you these things rather than suffering in silence, and as pressure is on at school, its very important to get a sense of serious her unhappiness is, as you are doing via GP/school etc . Is she making it into school, are her marks affected, is she sleeping more or less than usual ? look out for changes in behaviour. Let her know you love her, no matter what is going on,and that the important thing is to help her understand why she feels so bad together, and assure her you can get her help and support, which is out there, and although you respect her privacy, remind her its important to tell professionals at school and GP etc, as there will have been other teenagers going through this and they will understand .

Is there another family member she might confide in as well ? at this stage, encourage her to do things at home which relax her, candlelit baths, music reading etc. if her thoughts are negative, my DD used have a notebook to write in, as a coping mechanism. Hopefully its exam related stress - Young Minds is the only charity dealing with under 18s and depression etc, you might find some info on there. If it seems more serious, push the GP for camhs referral as if she is already 16 it gets tougher to access the help.

There are so many year 11's this year suffering with depression or/and severe stress.

Thanks to Micheal Gove now meaning that it isn't unusual for them to have 20+ exams this summer, that number is just overwhelming, how on earth are year 16 olds meant to be able to focus and revise effectively for 20+ seperate exams, many will find this far far too much and sadly for quite I few I fear this may lead to suicidal thoughts. :(

How many gcses does she have?

Are you also making sure she gets fresh air and exercise?

Thank you so much everyone for all your help and advice and lots of places I can contact to get her help. After a spate of suicides at my Uni, I have told her it would be ok if they didn't want to do their degrees anymore, if they just wanted to come home and work at Asda stacking shelves, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. She already has a couple of As/Bs so all her colleges have given her unconditional offers, she just feels the pressure is so much. She's had to go in today, in half term for the day to do her textiles-it's insane! her counselling starts this evening with NoLimits. I think it's hard as well that some of her friends have boyfriends which she doesn't have, such a horrible age. I know she has 13 exams in total for about another 7/8 GCSEs. We're already having to sell our One Direction concert tickets as it clashes with an exam! I am not letting her sleep too much and am making sure she goes out evern if its for 'cat food' or 'to walk the dog'

I'm afraid in this life you do have to do quite a few things that you don't want to.

but uni is not one of them. If she wants another path, that's fine.

just a thought. if she is depressed , she might feel differently about school/exams if she recovers/has talking therapy etc. My DD was hospitalised with stress/severe depression at 15, and I thought she would leave school and academia . Once she recovered, going back into education, a year behind, was a really important step and now she is off to a great uni studying sciences,and I am so proud of her . If your DD seemed to like and do well in school up to this point, maybe consider this. Also, many teens catch up exams and retake (no help from Michael Gove however) .Really sorry to hear about the suicides at your Uni, I hoped that uni students were better supported than teenagers.

In my last job teaching in a secondary school I was a tutor for a tutor group in years 10 and then 11. I was horrified at the pressure applied by the school during those 2 years. It was never ending every lesson, tutor time, assemblies, especially assemblies. Getting parents in, phoning parents, lunchtime sessions, after school sessions etc etc.

It was all water off a duck's back for the idle and feckless. However it left the conscientious in a continual state of anxiety.

The saddest part of all this is that the school did not really care about the students and paid only lip service to their welfare. Their concern was the league tables. Going up the league table was all that mattered and they were more than happy for this to be achieved by fair means or foul.

If your dd is in this atmosphere every day it is hardly surprising that she feels as she does.