teenagers can be so relentlessly horrid and grind you down

[Parrot46]

I'm a full time working LP with two lovely but teenage dd. Just sometimes, especially when you look forward to seeing them at the end of the day, but then everything you say gives offence and even your breathing is too annoying to hear in the same room. And you keep trying to be civil until you finally have to draw a line. Even when I know I have to tough it out and hold the line, it can be so very hard to accept that while they may need you and hopefully love you they really don't like you.

i think that probably goes both ways with the liking sometimes. Its the knowing that love is always there that is the important bit.

My mantra is 'and this to will pass'.

having space to yourself is important i think for all of you. If you cant be nice go and be horrible somewhere else sort of thing.

Also its important to remember its never really personal although it might seem that it is. Teenagers are by nature self centered and very rarely see past their own noses.

Deep breaths... and yes! 'This too shall pass' has been my mantra for the last..fuck me.. TEN years! (4 kids now aged 16-22)

Sometimes it feels so hurtful and so personal but often it really isn't..it's hormones with the self control of a 2 yr old and it is a vile combo.

I find that they usually start becoming human again at about 17!!!

At the worst (DS1 could have won an olympic gold at being vile) I honestly thought he would have to be kicked out at 18. He's nearly 21 now and has magically become a funny, caring, decent young man. At 16 he was (still) a stealing, swearing, lying, wall smashing, GIT.

It will pass. But take time out for yourself whatever way you can. And disengage with the actual words as often as you can manage it.

'Kevin The Teenager' still available on video. Even he became human eventually!

is this time for 'did you mean to be so rude?'. If they've nothing polite to say, then teach them to belt up.

Thanks so much for this. It can be really hard to plug away and keep perspective esp without another adult around to give you a hug. Mostly walking the dog and hugging the dog seems to help! For all of us actually! Thank you for helping me feel less alone!

OP: I had a thread in Chat about my vile DS... It's horrible....

I can really identify with your post - it is indeed a daily battle in a dark tunnel with only the most distant glimpse of light. You have to retain your dignity, be kind and look for any tiny scrap of humour you can find.

Oh Parrot, you are not alone! It's difficult coping with the hostility, isn't it? I try really hard to be sure that I am doing the right thing, in the faint hope that one day they will look back and appreciate it! And even though my two are vile at times, they still come to me when they have problems, which gives me hope that somewhere deep down they actually respect me.

But yes, spend lots of time with the dog - you can't overestimate the therapeutic value of being loved uncritically!

It is hard. DS1 will be 17 this year & is just coming out the other side of the cloud. DS2 is 13 & firmly in "teenage mode" .

I also have a toddler DD, who is currently potty training. My house is soo much fun today!

And I've given up for 6 months!

I am really pleased to read this post. I have been so depressed by the way things are with my 2 teenage DDs. They are messy, don't help with anything in the house, treat me like a skivvy/dumping ground for negative emotion, are miserable & negative about their lot in life, judgemental, arrogant, insecure, aggressive, mega dependent...I'm just drowning in it all. There is only 11 months between them one is nearly 17, one nearly 18 although their level of dependence would put them more like 13 & 14. I also have a 3 yr old DD (it took me a long time to convince my DH to have another). I am really encouraged to hear that many people experience a real struggle with teens and will try to come back to this whenever I feel like giving up.
Thanks everyone Mx

Moira, cut that level of dependence right now!

For too many reasons to fill a post with....

Mine are lovely, but we live in a bus free black hole. Any trace of attitude and they are reminded the taxi driver doesn't work if insulted.