Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Angry teenager.

36 replies

LynetteScavo · 12/02/2014 20:59

I seem to be the mother of the worlds angriest 15yo boy.

There is no reason he is angry...he just is.

What can I do to alleviate the anger? (A bit of lavender spray isn't going to cut it here)

How do we access anger management?

OP posts:
Original poster
LynetteScavo · 12/02/2014 21:45

Maybe I have the worlds only angry teenager.

OP posts:
TrinityRhino · 12/02/2014 23:25

Does he have any reason to be angry?

I mean has he had a traumatic experience? or having trouble with something?

do you think its puberty related? how old is he?

I think you would have to approach the doctor first to access any anger management

Changebagsandgladrags · 12/02/2014 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA · 12/02/2014 23:35

Change And where do you get that shite from?

My brother is 14. He is going through an angry stage and has been for around 2 years. It is down to our dad.

Has he had any changes? Or has anything happened to him?

I think you can speak to school and go through them for referrals. That's what my brother is doing. He now does a college course one day a week and does more sports to get anger out and its helping

tethersend · 12/02/2014 23:36

I think giving the message that it's ok to be angry, and that anger isn't A Bad Thing can start to help. From there, it's a case of trying to get him to direct his anger safely at the right target.

Of course, as you know, this is where Anger Management can help. I would ask at school whether they have any access to therapeutic support, and specifically anger management- I'd also do as Trinity suggests and speak to the GP as a belt and braces approach.

How does his anger manifest itself?

MrsS1980 · 12/02/2014 23:37

Have you tried talking to your GP? If you are really concerned ask him for a CAMHs referral - they may say he doesn't need their help but could signpost you towards some one who can help?

Good luck.

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 12/02/2014 23:39

Changebagsandgladrags - could you please elaborate? Does my OP come across as angry? Confused

I am not angry. I am confused; about many things, but not angry about anything.

I am Hmm about some of the posts on MN tonight.

Trinity, he is 15yo - has no recent trauma and it will feel like ground hog day going back to GP. We went through anger management when he was in Y4...but that was so long ago now....

OP posts:
Clobbered · 12/02/2014 23:43

So the anger isn't a new thing, then, really? Perhaps the kind of strategies that would be offered to a 9/10 year old might not be quite the same as those for a 15 yr old, so it might be worth having a 'top up' on the anger management.
Why not ask the head of pastoral care at school for some advice and help? Are you really sure there are no specific issues bugging him? What does he say about it all?

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/02/2014 23:43

Not sure this is exactly helpful but, my brother is just about the turn 18 in the next couple of months.

At 15 he was a surly, angry little shit. We all spoke with him and made it clear that he could talk about anything that was bothering him. He never did.

Now he is a lovely young man.

I think it might be a phase lots of teenage boys go through, due to lacking the ability to articulate what they are feeling. Lots of feelings at that age that are difficult to pinpoint, I just about remember what being a 15 year old girl was like.

After making it clear we were there for him, we all just ignored his outbursts. He knew that if wanted to talk, he could.

If your son angry or is he angry and violent? If the latter if might be worth speaking with a gp.

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/02/2014 23:46

Just read your update about anger management at a younger age.

I think it might be lack of ability to articulate how he feels properly. I'm not a doctor though.

QwertyBird · 12/02/2014 23:46

No wonder we get referred to as vipers... the spite on mn seems prevalent tonight.
Please ignore it Lynette. Ds1 is 15 here too, and has his moments.I don't know what advice to give other than what's been said.

Changebagsandgladrags · 12/02/2014 23:51

Just that the OP thinks spiteful is acceptable, maybe this is making the DS more angry?

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA · 12/02/2014 23:53

change What the fuck are you on? How has Lynette been spiteful? Stop been a dick

Floggingmolly · 12/02/2014 23:53

Spiteful??? Where?

HoneyDragon · 13/02/2014 00:04

Is there anyone who can help him recognise the angry feelings, so he can stop and rationalise. Or still least give pause to say " I need space".

My friend had a similar phase with her son, and says the best advice she was given was make sure that she (as well as her ds) ate well and rested well.

It doesn't help with the anger issue, but means your in a better position to help with it.

QwertyBird · 13/02/2014 00:12

Umm Lynette has not been spiteful. Your comment though, change, was spiteful and needless. Pot and kettle there

NorthernLurker · 13/02/2014 00:16

How physically active is he? It's a clich but physical activity helps with wellbeing a lot.

LineRunner · 13/02/2014 00:23

Hi Lynette, I have a 15 year old son, soon to be 16. He often feels a real sense of the world not being fair (which let's face it, it isn't) and it gets to him sometimes.

Also my experience is that teenagers often struggle with change. No idea if that's relevant.

In terms of handling it, is the angry behaviour ignorable? (A bit like some of the poor behaviour on threads tonight needs ignoring.)

Letslet · 13/02/2014 00:32

Northernlurker makes a good point about physical activity. I also have a 15yr old DS and the best thing we did was get him some weights a bench press and some other sports equip. (Although could be jogging, cycling or anything) He went through a surly, angry teenage period but now I find if he needs an a outlet for his emotions he goes out and does some weights for 20 minutes and tends to come back in a better mood . it's been a god send especially as we are about to start the GCSE run up to exams

CouthyMow · 13/02/2014 01:59

The only way I'm even close to accessing Anger Management for my DD is to have refused to have her home, to have her in FC, and for the Foster Carers to have seen her aggressive behaviour.

Have discovered she is smoking weed. Is there any chance of that with your DS? (I'm only asking because I had overlooked this possibility with DD, but it's now been confirmed by multiple sources)

And no, you are NOT alone in having an extremely aggressive 15yo. But is DOES feel fucking lonely in RL!!

ivykaty44 · 13/02/2014 06:37

How is his anger displayed? What have you already tried with him to prevent the anger and how old is he?

AliceinWinterWonderland · 13/02/2014 10:03

This is my stupid question for the day, but is this a normal stage of boys progressing though puberty? I mean, in the absence of something else going on?

I have an adult DD, but she just went through that "crying phase" as a preteen that girls often go through. My two DS's are still 4 and 7, so obviously not a huge help here.

Is there a possibility of getting a referral to CAMHS to see if there is something specific behind it?

Jesuisunepapillon · 13/02/2014 10:17

What is his diet like? It's a long shot but some peoples' behavious and mood is massively improved by cutting back on processed food and sugar. But, he's a teenage boy so I get that that's not necessarily going to be easy.

What physical exercise does he get?

What does he enjoy in life?

Does he have a goal, something to aim towards, something which makes him want to get out of bed each day. Does he have a role model (have you been watching the Winter Olympics? It's so inspiring. Lots of teens in it, and young adults)

Has he ever had any therapy or talked to anyone about his feelings?

mrscumberbatch · 13/02/2014 10:29

What does he do? Is he violent or snappy? Does he say mean things?

As a former 'very angry teen without a cause', I wouldn't recommend anger management unless its getting in his way while he is away from the home.

If he's only angry when he is at home leave him to it and perhaps look at him moving out sooner rather than later.

I think if I had went to anger management at that age it would probably have made me worse as then I would have had an excuse for my behaviour. (Ie: why would you do that? You know I'm in anger management!!!)

Sometimes a bit of space and responsibility completely changes a person.

And also, speaking of change. Change- wtf are you on? Are you reading the same thread as everyone else??!

lljkk · 13/02/2014 13:56

sexual frustration....

Did the anger management in yr4 help? DS just went but I don't any improvement for him (DH benefited, though).