Angry teenager.

[LynetteScavo]

I seem to be the mother of the worlds angriest 15yo boy.

There is no reason he is angry...he just is.

What can I do to alleviate the anger? (A bit of lavender spray isn't going to cut it here)

How do we access anger management?

So not to be rude, and to answer some questions.....DS in very destructive when angry....he can completely destroy his bedroom, plus phone, etc. He never hurts anyone, but it is scary as he's big now.

Anyway, it turns out it was all down to anxiety. He was very anxious about going on a school trip to Cadbury World, FFS! He was hideous from finding out he had to go, until he came back that evening....all sweetness and light!

That sounds excessively anxious... There's no bullying going on, is there?

Maybe you need to access help for anxiety? Because while this particular storm has blown over, something else is bound to crop up that makes him anxious.

Although you probably feel that your son is the only angry boy out there and you must have done something wrong believe me you are not alone. I have five sons, one who was always very happy go lucky, has had anger management issues for over a year now, culminating in a very nasty,violent and self harming incident last summer. None of his family or friends can get to the bottom of what's bothering him. He believes that he is ok and everyone else has a problem so it makes it very difficult to seek help. Speaking to the GP didn't help as my son refuses to admit he has a problem but it has been helpful to talk to his teachers and enlist their help. Physical activity helps but when he is in an angry phase he loses interest in everything and shows signs of depression. Mainly we are trying to show him that we will always be there for him but at the same time not allowing his anger to ruin the everyday activities of the rest of the family.Hopefully it will all pass soon and we can be a happy and united family again.
Thinking of you; it's a tough stage for you. Good luck.

mathanxiety - you are right, but I don't know how/what to do to access help for his anxiety.

When he was younger there wasn't anything we didn't try...every alternative medicine (hypnotherapy, cranial osteopath, aromatherapy, homeopathy) and a good deal of money thrown at private psychologists...only to be diagnosed with "anxiety disorder". Cognitive therapy was advised, but at £175 ph, we had run out of cash.

He was, just over a year ago diagnosed with Aspergers. I don't usually mention that as it tends to kill threads

Lynette, Asperger's/anger - aargh, tell me about it! My DS is 16, with a diagnosis of dyspraxia and 'features of Asperger's'. I posted a couple of months ago about his violent behaviour and received a lot of useful advice (don't know how to link to the thread,sorry, but it's somewhere in Teenagers). The main things are that anxiety has a HUGE impact - but it's often only after the event that you can see the underlying anxiety; and that you cannot parent Asperger's children the way you parent others - they simply don't understand consequences in the same way, and rewards/punishments never work. I was trying to control the situation with my DS, which only made it worse. I have had to learn to try not to engage, no matter how bad the behaviour, as any sort of confrontation makes it worse. A couple of other posters recommended a book called The Explosive Child, which has been helpful. It's aimed at younger children but gave me some useful insights.
A week after his last very violent episode, my DS unexpectedly came to me and said he thought he might be depressed, which certainly made me view it in a different light.

Thank you, thank you, cinnamontoast

It's lovely just to know someone else out there knows what it's like.

but it's often only after the event that you can see the underlying anxiety; and that you cannot parent Asperger's children the way you parent others So, so, so, so true!!!

I am going to finally buy that Explosive Child book - it's been in my Amazon basket for 7 years!

So sorry that your DS feels he is depressed. But it's good that he can tell you how he is feeling.

DS1 is now in a much better place atm, but has done a couple of things today (like accidentally smash a mug) which had me on edge because I thought it might be out of anger, but thankfully wasn't.

So glad it helped, Lynette. And really pleased your DS is feeling better now. I have had to learn to just walk out of the room when mine kicks off, and I am actually pretty confrontational so it's really hard! We're on holiday at the mo, which is always a trigger point, and I'm quite proud that I walked away yesterday when DS started to get angry and aggressive, so now we're pretty much back on an even keel.
It's really hard to feel you have to tiptoe round them, isn't it? But I am beginning to learn what another poster told me, which is when you back off you are more likely to get the behaviour you want.
Here's a link to my earlier thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1957813-16-yr-old-DS-being-violent-really-needs-to-move-in-with-his-father-temporarily-for-all-our-sakes-but-refuses

Lynette - DD has 'GDD with Autistic traits'. Same issues, different name...(can't afford a private dx and NHS has NO facilities in my area to dx anyone over the age of 14 - and rarely over the age of 10tbh...)

Lynette - DD has 'GDD with Autistic traits'. Same issues, different name...(can't afford a private dx and NHS has NO facilities in my area to dx anyone over the age of 14 - and rarely over the age of 10tbh...)