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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old daughter has boyfriend of 17

37 replies

littlebird99 · 16/12/2013 11:53

This is my first time on Mumsnet so go easy on me! I have a 14 year old daughter who seems to have started a relationship with a boy who is 17, and will be 18 in April. They started by flirting online on sites like instagram, twitter etc and then progressed to facetiming each other and now meeting up to watch films, walk the dog and generally spend time together, Initially she told me he was 15 and in the year above at school. But I found out he is actually at college and 17. After lots of tears and tantrums she is still seeing him. She says he is nicer than the boys in her year at school, doesnt try anything sexual with her, respects her bla bla.. but I am worried. Husband and I not sure how to handle it. He has been at our house and they sat and watched a film downstairs near to where I was cooking etc. He seems ok but I am worried the relationship will become sexual and of course very soon he can buy alcohol, drive etc. There doesnt seem to be any embarrasement for boys to date much younger girls today. I worry that if I ban the friendship she will simply hide it from me and sneak around and lie. She has already done this to a certain extent. Has anyone any advice or experience with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
littlebird99 · 16/12/2013 22:48

Thanks for all your help. Felt overwhelmed earlier today

OP posts:
McFox · 16/12/2013 22:55

I don't think it's a big age gap at all. In fact my sister and her DH got together when she was 15 and he was 18. 21 years later and they are married, with kids, and very happy.

Try not to worry too much. She's old enough to have a boyfriend, so give her the benefit of the doubt and trust her judgement - if you discourage it, it won't help anyone. Let her make her own mind up.

chocoluvva · 17/12/2013 23:08

IMO you're taking a very sensible line on this. Hopefully the relationship won't last too long.

My DD went out with a 17YO boy when she was 15. He was rather unsociable and I got the impression that his mum encouraged the relationship as she was glad he had a nice friend. She had no concerns about her age - definitely worth having a chat with the BF's mum IMO - though be careful what you say - my DD's BF's mum told them her version of what I'd said, so it backfired on me.

I think your approach of being welcoming to him but not encouraging the relationship is very sensible. Smile

bakehouse · 19/12/2013 13:41

My DS18 says it would be social suicide amongst his friends to go out with a 14 year old. One of his friends made a comment to him once that he thought DD2 aged 14 was 'really fit' and liked some of her pictures on Instagram and Facebook and he has been ribbed for being a 'peado' ever since. Obviously a couple of years older and the age gap makes no difference at all but at 14 and 17 they have such different social lives which wouldn't be easy to integrate. DD1 aged 16 thinks that if a boy that much older was interested in a 14 year old she would consider it would only be because he had either run out of options with girls his own age or that none of the girls his own age was interested in him!

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 19/12/2013 13:47

It sounds fine and I think your rules are sensible. It's fairly likely if he's a "young" 17 that they aren't anywhere near sexually active yet.

mrsjay · 19/12/2013 18:46

I was 15 and had a 18 yr old boyfriend we didnt have sex although he did seem to get fed up with me after a few months probably because there was no sex as long as your dd is aware I wouldn't ban it may just let it run its course as long as she doesn't do anything she isnt comfy with

DaisyDaffodils101 · 23/04/2017 20:02

I'm a 14 y/o girl, I have an ldr with a 17 y/o boy. I live in England and he lives in Scotland. We talk every day and Skype all the time. My parents know and his parents know and we have met 1 time in the 7 months of our relationship (and are planning to meet again soon!) for us, the age gap is okay. He didn't do anything I didn't want him to when we met, and vice versa for me. He asked me if it was okay to kiss me and hold my hand etc etc. It was all very innocent! For a mature, sensible girl my age and also for my boyfriend, we find the age difference doesn't matter at all. We would still find a way to talk if we weren't allowed either, we are great friends.

AntigoneJones · 23/04/2017 20:04

I would be very very careful.
My dd17 was going out with a 14/15 year old and both families had a visit from the police after a malicious 101 call from neighbours.

Floofborksnootandboop · 26/04/2017 11:37

My DD met her ex boyfriend when she was 14 and he was 17, there was no problems at all until this year. They are now 16 and 19, he went off to uni in September and just started to be vile towards her Hmm He ended up ending things between them end of February thank god!

Because I never judged their relationship and was always open for her to talk to me without me criticising her I was the first person she came to when they started having problems and would always talk to me and be honest about things.

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2017 11:40

This thread is from 2013. Confused

Floofborksnootandboop · 26/04/2017 13:36

This thread is from 2013. confused oh yes you're right 😂 Wonder why people are still posting on it now, silly me for not checking the date.

T1a · 16/05/2023 18:43

As for me what i think is maybe you should not end their relationship what you should do is to keep your daughter close to you by even letting them to come to your house and maybe spend time together because maybe your daughter might have strong feelings to that boy and maybe she afraid totell you or maybe they are just best friends or do you see any signs to show you that they are dating because you might end their relationship then you end up losing your daughter also

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