Anyone elses marriage implode under the stress of parenting teenagers?

[Kitttty]

?

What's happening?

Not implode, but it is a fine line that I tread.

No?

No. I think we need a bit more info.

Are you actually placing the blame on the children?!

No

We have had a lot of challenges with our 4 - one is sen, another has MH issues so parenting is tough - but teenage issues have escalated this to another level. Not sure our relationship is strong enough to see it through - already living separate lives under the same roof

The problems often start when the teen behaviours start to calm down (or they leave home), in my experience.

I have a troubled almost 17yr old who has utterly put me & dh through the mill for the last three years. We clung together through the worst of the storm for support & out of fear but things all fell apart as things with dd began to improve.

We're working through it right now, who knows where that will lead?!

Yes.

Most of the time I feel like I could do it better on my own as I am so frustrated as to how my H doesn't deal with it.

Just - have you separated? - I am right on the cusp.

Lemon - did you reflect that you were disappointed with the dh approach to issues/stress - or are you both so exhausted - you just need to time to heal?

Exit - are you actively aware of the detrimental effect and doing something constructive to bolster things?

Anyone under pressure come out the other side unscathed?

We have had really tough times with Ds1 . For a while communication between him and Dh was appalling and I felt like piggy in the middle and it was hugely stressful. I often felt it would have been less hellish if I was on my own.
Luckily Dh recognised there was a problem and learnt some strategies for better communication. As a family we learnt how to listen to each other better.

I don't think we could have made it without Dh's commitment to learning how to communicate in a non violent way.

How did your dh learn to do this, wake - did he just 'realise' or have counselling, read a book, talk to you/friends, whatever?

I'd like our family to learn "some strategies for better communication" and "how to listen to each other better" but don't know how to start!

He found a group. It's called NVC.
www.nvc-uk.info/

I think the significant thing was that it came from him. DH realised his methods of dealing with Ds awful behaviour weren't working at all and were actually making a stressful situation worse.

The group he goes to is free. They learn how to identify,express and listen to their own and other peoples needs. He has found it's helped him at work too.
As a family we are all communicating better now. It's had a real benefit for everyone.

Thanks, wake - will look at that. Sounds like what we're all aiming at.

Parenting teens can be highly stressful. Fortunately DH and I have very similar values ( I KNOW it would be much worse for me if I were on my own) , I can imagine if 2 parents have differing strategies it would be very difficult.

We have had a session with an adolescent psychiatrist with our DS. He saw us individually and together. We'll be going back, it is more to help DS, and to help us guide him into better ways as he is having problems with peer pressure. It was helpful to talk to an objective professional who understands teenagers. It was expensive though partly covered by medical insurance.

We had an awful time. I spent most of 2008-12 on Seroxat. It kept me from murder and suicide.

All good now. Had a second honeymoon this year, sent by DD "so I don't ruin things". Got back to a spotless house and a bit less gin.

Yay!

Looks like the approach is to hold on tight