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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much do your teenage DCs help?

28 replies

happy2help · 31/10/2013 10:15

Just wondering what kind and how much help peoples DCs provide in the day to day running of family life? I'm asking because I know for a fact I've brought a situation about by letting my DD(17yrs) get away with doing bugger all for ...ever!

She's in on this post - I've told her I'll be reading the replies..be as ruthless and honest as you like! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
happy2help · 31/10/2013 10:16

*reading the replies to her!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 31/10/2013 10:19

DS1 (14) does nothing. He has to be told to take his plate into the kitchen/bring the cups out of his room.

Original poster
happy2help · 31/10/2013 10:27

I feel bad now..have totally not mentioned that DD does clean her room, and brings dirty clothes down from her room, and does dishes if I ask her, but then doesn't wipe down the tops or do the roasting tins, pans etc. She's doing A-Levels at college but doesn't have a job, so I think she should be doing more..I'm aware it's my fault that she doesn't, though!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 31/10/2013 10:29

She does loads then. Well loads more than DS1, Room cleaning, and doing dishes. Sounds good to me.

Does she want a job? My friends DS spent 2 years at college half heartedly looking for jobs but didn't get one. He's gone to Uni now and still isn't looking properly.

Original poster
happy2help · 31/10/2013 10:33

Oh no! This wasn't what I wanted to hear at all WinkGrin! Only half-hearted attempts at job hunting here, too, I'm afraid. Me and DH think it's not a choice thing, though. If your social life is as active and busyas our DD's is, she needs to be able to fund it herself, though!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 31/10/2013 10:36

The thing is if her DS had got a job he could probably do it in the Uni holidays when he was back etc.
My other friend's DD got a job at Homebase at 16 and loves it.

Does your DD cook at all? That's what I want Ds1 to start doing as a life skill more than anything else.

tilbatilba · 31/10/2013 10:40

My DD's 13&15 look after the chickens and the dog - food, coop, grooming etc. Collect wood, split it and set the fires. Set the table and clear it - often help with cooking and they empty dishwasher every morning and peg out the washing and bring it in. Help a lot in the veggie garden and will often notice other jobs that need doing and just get on with it eg washing the car, doing the compost etc just stuff that has to be done. We don't have a cleaner so all do our bit. I've never really thought about it before - we all do a lot and they seem happy to do their share.

Original poster
happy2help · 31/10/2013 12:03

Sparkling - yes that's a good one. I think I'll encourage cooking from now on, thanks. Like you say - a life skill.

tilbatilba - wow! That's brilliant, but it's obviously down to your parenting skills that they happily do that. I'm in awe of you and your DDs!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 31/10/2013 12:05

DS1 has had a few dabbles in the kitchen. Cakes and bacon sandwiches. Lots of mess, but food was produced.

I hear of kids his age taking a turn one night a week to cook for the family including the buying bit, so that would be something to aim for. maybe a spag bol or something. I can dream.

BackforGood · 31/10/2013 12:15

OK, I can help Grin
I have a ds (17) in Yr13, a dd (15) in Yr10 and a dd(12) in yr7.

They all cook (in turn) at least one evening meal a week.
Between them, they have to lay the table and get drinks for everyone for the meal
Between them they have to empty the dishwasher
Everyone has to clear their place as they leave the table, then sometimes one of them is asked to clear the rest of the table.
They can all get their own breakfast (and lunch if it's holidays or weekends) and when they want a packed lunch obviously they make that.
They are supposed to keep their rooms tidy and clean - if they don't, they live in a mess, I don't do them.

They have to change the sheets every now and then
They have to put away their own clean clothes (and iron if they want anything ironed)
Odd jobs on request - maybe putting the shopping away or maybe getting the stuff out the tumble drier and giving it out, type thing.

HTH Wink

bigbluebus · 31/10/2013 13:17

I'm afraid my DS (16 ) does as little as he can get away with Sad.
He has just brought down the crockery from his room which I have been asking him to bring down for 3 days. The only reason he has brought it down is because his friend has just phoned and is coming round. His friend would not get away with what DS gets away with so would mock DS Grin. In fact when friend rang & asked if Littlebluebus was busy, I replied "no, he's only just got up". I think friend had to scrape himself up off the floor at the thought that DS would still be in bed at 1.00pm. So this is a friendship I will continue to encourage Grin

DS has cooked dinner once this week, but does very little else except iron the odd t shirt or pair of jeans for himself.

He doesn't go out much so doesn't need much money from us but has been doing the occasional casual work for a friend which gives him enough cash - so no incentive to help around the house Sad

streakybacon · 31/10/2013 13:54

Ds is 15 in a couple of weeks.

Today I've been watching him strip, wash and change his bedding and have been weeping at the sight of him struggling with a king size duvet and cover Grin. But he's got on with it and it's done.

He does family laundry once a week (about three washes), sorts it and puts it away. He also does whites because that means his karate gear.

He can iron a bit if absolutely necessary.

He empties the bin every morning, makes his bed, clothes go into the laundry basket and towels are folded and hung. I believe this is something of a novelty among teenagers Wink.

If he takes food or drinks to his room (rare) he brings the plates etc back. He's generally quite tidy, gives his room a once over at the weekend and occasionally gets out polish and duster. Will hoover if I ask nicely Smile.

He 'helps' to make evening meals but not much, gets a bit flustered (autism, so has sensory stuff around touching raw food) but will make salad, bread, set the table and make drinks.

It's a work in progress but not bad overall.

yourlittlesecret · 31/10/2013 15:25

DS1 17 in year 13. Reluctantly has part time job 4 to 5 hours a week.
DS2 15 in year 11. Would love a part time job but we live miles from nowhere and he's not old enough for most stuff.
I am guilty of letting them do too little because DH and I are home far more than them. I can't bring myself to ask them to do much if I've been sat at home all day.
However they can do most things and will do whatever I ask.
Routinely they set and clear table.
Get own breakfast and lunch if at home.
Change their beds.
Bring laundry / pots downstairs.
Do bins and recycling.
Carry logs in.

Occasionally;
Clean bathroom
cut grass
Ironing.

They can cook but don't. I plan to do a lot of cooking with DS1 next summer before uni.

sweetheart · 31/10/2013 15:30

Dd is 13 and she:-

tidy's her bedroom
makes her bed
strips her bed for washing
puts out her laundry
empties the dishwasher
sets the dinner table
feeds the cat
gets her brothers breakfast on a school morning

Actually I think I should be getting her to do more - might look into this cooking once a week thing.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 31/10/2013 15:33

The only set chores DS1 (15) and DS2(13) have is setting and then clearing the table at dinner. However they're also expected to help when I ask so usually end up hoovering, putting out and bringing the washing or putting the washing in the dryer, stripping and changing their own beds and helping DD, cleaning and tidying their rooms, putting their clothes away. DS1 has just realised he needs a few more skills for Uni and has asked if he can start cooking dinner every now and again so he's confident when he goes. They also get the fun job of taking out the rubbish (we live in flats so a bit more of a faff than outside the front door) and running to the corner shop.

Purple2012 · 31/10/2013 15:34

My 16 yrd old sd empties the upstairs bins, does her own ironing and the washing up. She also strips her own bed. She is meant to hoover her room but rarely does. I also expect her to bring crockery down from her room. It took a few months of pocket money fines for this to happen.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 31/10/2013 15:34

Dd- 15 and ds1-14. Their jobs are:
Cook dinner once a week each
Clean kitchen once a week each
Load the dishwasher in the morning.
Fold and put away laundry once a day
Feed the dogs/cats in the evening
Wash, dry, iron their sports kits, ready for training and matches
Hoover the downstairs and upstairs on Saturday
Bring their laundry baskets downstairs on Friday night.
Walk LittleDog before school.

wordfactory · 31/10/2013 15:36

No where near enough OP.

And it riles me!

I am going to show them this thread!

teenagetantrums · 31/10/2013 15:42

my two 19 and 17 do their own washing, clean their rooms.

They will cook, shop and wash up when asked but it drives me mad having to say will you please wash up, why cant they see it needs doing? and my pet hate when i ask them to something is 'but i cleaned the bathroom/washed up ect for you!! really its all just for me then..lol

Palika · 31/10/2013 16:47

DS14
tidies his room
puts away his laundry
works on our land 2 hours at weekends and most days during holidays.
does dishwasher in holidays
cooks occasionally during holidays
clears away dishes on weekends but is not allowed to wipe surfaces becasue he makes a mess and I get into some sort of funny OCD Shock

Original poster
happy2help · 31/10/2013 21:20

Ok streakybacon and tantrumsandballoons and everyone else who's got it right and produced (?) really helpful teenagers....some advice, please.

What chores would you recommend for dcs who are nearly 4, already 6 and already 8?

There are definitely going to be some changes around here ..I won't be making the same mistakes again and as for DD (17), it's never too late to change. Thanks for all your posts so far.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 31/10/2013 22:28

Ours don't have set chores. They do have to clear their bedroom floors for our lovely cleaner once a week, and make sure all their washing is in the basket. They are supposed to put their clean stuff away. I also expect them to set/clear the table as and when.

DD can cook the full range of eggs (and infact any breakfast items!) and cakes and the odd other thing. DS is good at helping if asked. Infact I think they could both follow a recipe pretty well. DS will go to the shop for an emergency item and can iron!

When they were 6-11, they had to clean and hoover their rooms once a week as we didn't have a cleaner then!

I am interested in how teens doing their own washing works - surely that means that they put on ridiculously small loads at times?

Feelslikea1sttimer · 31/10/2013 22:35

I have 2 teenage boys, 15 & 13... They keep their rooms tidy, bring the washing down each morning and put in machine, set the table for meals, clear the table and wash the pots after each meal and empty the kitchen bins. On weekends they also run te Hoover round or give the bathroom a once over...
I am 37 weeks pregnant and at the moment they don't let me lift a finger, they also spend a lot of time helping us care for and spending time with DSS who is autistic and quite demanding!
My kids really are fab and I am very grateful to the amount of help they give around the house :)

17leftfeet · 31/10/2013 22:38

My 12 yo keeps her bedroom tidy as a given

Other stuff she does includes
Cooks a family meal 1 evening a week (spag bol, chili, homemade soup etc)
Cleans the bathroom
Hoovers the hall and stairs
Empties/loads the dishwasher

My 9 yo
Feeds & waters the cats
Empties/ loads the dishwasher
Hoovers the living room

They both put their washing away but provided its in the wash basket I do all the washing & ironing
That's the next job to teach them....

By the time they are 18 they both know they should be pulling their weight in the house

snuffykins · 31/10/2013 22:45

Ds is 11 so a fair bit younger than your dd. however, he tidies his room, hoovers the house, sorts his clothes for washing, will strip and make his bed when asked, fills and empties the dishwasher. He will also bring clothes in off the line if asked.

A couple of weeks ago I started a new chore for him of cooking one dinner a week, including finding a recipe, making a shopping list and getting the food. Hasn't cut himself or burned the house down yet so I think it's going good!