Widowed and dating

[Shadowintolight]

Widowed18 months ago now dating wonderful man. My 17 yr old son refuses to speak to him and is jealous of what he sees as the attention I give this man. Feel caught in the middle. Trying to keep everyone happy. Maybe it,s too much to expect that my son could accept a new man in our lives yet?

Hi I've no real experience of this but didn't want it to go unanswered. I guess it's never going to be easy to accept that a parent can move on and 'replace' a parent who has died (of course you can never replace your son's father, but maybe that's how he feels?). Your son is also at a difficult age, when life can be confusing at the best of times.

All I can suggest is that you try to take things really slowly, and make sure that your son still gets plenty of time and attention from you. But you do have the right to find happiness for yourself, and if this new relationship makes you happy then your son will need to accept that eventually. Maybe try and keep it low-key for a while, your son will soon be leaving school, probably leaving home, and will start to see things from a more grown-up perspective.

I have to say I can see your son's point. I was widowed 2 1/2 years ago and know my DC would find it very difficult. I would just be very discreet and not expect your DC to meet/socialise with him. I think it is too soon to expect your son to move on so you need to keep that part of your life private. Everybody heals at a different pace and you need to allow your son the time he needs. The fact you are ready is irrelevant when it comes to your son so keep him out of it.

Please understand that this isn't a new man in 'our' lives. It is a new man in your life. Be polite, discreet and respectful. Let a significant time pass before introducing them, or having them socialise - and even then this contact must be initiated by your son.

Yes, just keep it on the down low. It's far too early to expect your son to be comfortable with it.

I was widowed 18 months ago too. My son is 18 and daughter 20. Both away from home now. I think they would both find it very hard if I started dating. But, it is your life and your future. I am 50 and most of my family live until 90. The thought of 40 lonely years fills me with dread.
Your son will still be missing his dad dreadfully. I know mine is.
My daughter would probably understand more.
I'm so glad you have found happiness. There are no rules for this but you deserve it. But don't underestimate your child's grief.