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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Throwing valuable stuff away

20 replies

mersea208 · 18/09/2013 15:10

Sons birthday he got amongst other stuff headphones they were cheap so did not work well. Wanted to get some better ones so I gave him the cash. Better ones bought and used but then thrown in dustbin. I have retrieved them along with packaging albeit cut open.

What would you do about this? I know the receipt is in his bin but not allowed in room.

Not the first time something like this has happened. Laptop bought and then thrown. I confronted him over this said he didn't want it. I offered to sell it for him (receipt lost so could not get refund). This was ok but he changed his mind said he wanted it back. OK find. Then I find another note in his room to dump laptop in the country. I think this is what happened.

New clothes bought and some 'old' ones thrown away when there is nothing really wrong with them. confused

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 18/09/2013 15:13

Don't buy him anything else!!!

Distrustinggirlnow · 18/09/2013 15:16

Don't buy him anything. You don't say how old he is, could he get a part time job or do chores for you to earn some pocket money so he has to save for stuff he needs wants.
He might look after things a bit more, appreciate their value, if he's had to save up.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 18/09/2013 15:27

Why can't you go in hus room?

I'd stop buying him anything of value, tbh.

Original poster
mersea208 · 18/09/2013 15:30

I'm not allowed into his room - he says so but do when he goes out. I don't know to confront him about the headphones or just try and get my money back. He is looking for a job at present. Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
lborolass · 18/09/2013 15:31

Wow, he took a laptop to the country to throw it away ? Have I understood you correctly?

I'd say this is a symptom of a deeper issue, does he have any other behaviours that concern you, tbh I'd be a bit worried if he was my child.

mayihaveaboxofchoculaits · 18/09/2013 15:39

im not allowed in his room, he says so(!).
im all for privacy, but in moderation . it sounds like you are frightened of him. This could ve the problem.
first stop funding him, set house rules you want, get another adult for moral support.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 18/09/2013 15:43

He cannot be that stupid for it to be just about throwing Shock expensive things away. It seems it's about control and manipulation. Confused

tywysogesgymraeg · 18/09/2013 15:45

Don't buy him anything else!!!

Sweetsweep · 18/09/2013 15:45

Here is what I would do. And have threatened to do [kids know I do carry out threats if necessary].
Headphones - cost £40?
Ask him for £40 from him and say you are going to throw it away/give it away, and mean it.

If he says yes and gives it to you, do it right away.
If he says no, then tell him that next time he throws something away of value, that you will go in his room/use his jeans when they go in the wash/whatever of the same value, and dispose of them . And mean it and do it.
He may get the hint after a while or he may not. Up to him. His choice.

picnicbasketcase · 18/09/2013 15:49

I don't want to sound ott but is it possible there was stuff on the laptop he wouldn't want you to know about and that's why he got rid of it? Or is this really a case of ungratefulness and thinking nothing you buy is good enough?

flow4 · 19/09/2013 10:08

My DS1 went through a phase a bit like this. He threw away some things 'accidentally' - forks and spoons off along with pot noodle tubs, for instance. He also carelessly damaged things and then threw them away rather than making any attempt to mend them - tears in jeans or cracked plastic on gadgets, for example. Thirdly, he claimed to have thrown away or 'lost' things that he had actually sold, to get cash for tobacco or junk food or drugs. Hmm Angry

Apart from the drug use, I think it was due to an unpleasant mindset that didn't value anything we (I) bought: it was as if he thought that if we could afford it, then it must be crap, so he didn't have to look after it. It reflected a total lack of respect for me and himself, and a lack of any understanding of the 'value' of money, the work it takes to get it, and the choices families generally have to make.

In the end, I stopped giving him money and buying him things. His 17th birthday was a real low point, and I didn't get him anything at all because I knew he would sell it or break it or lose it.

It took him about 6 months to get the point, and/or grow out of that. But he is still more careless with things than I would like - I reckon he will need to be buying his own things with his own hard-earned money before he really gets it...

Turniptwirl · 25/09/2013 16:20

My sister has OCD and used to throw away cutlery, tea towels, crockery etc because they were "contaminated".

However I think it's ridiculous that you can't go in his room and that you respect this even though he has no respect for you or things you buy.

FFS don't buy him anything else!!!

Original poster
mersea208 · 29/09/2013 16:14

Really hope this won't happen but I think his telly is going next. History on this is that he got a telly after passing GCSE's - he paid something towards it, used mainly for gaming in his room. Then grew out of gaming did not use it for telly because need ariel so went in loft for a while. We paid for the ariel so it could be used as a telly and DVD player which was ok for a while so back it came from loft. TV in his room for a while all set up, then after a while he turns it round and covers it up. Later asks for it to be returned to loft which dh has done now several times. We keep it also as a back up telly in case our one fails. Now to yesterday, telly down again all set up. This morning ds removes leads and stand from telly, telly is now facing wall on floor in his room. When asked he says is is going to watch it there for DVDs. What to do? Can't watch him all the time. Extension lead hidden in his room was handed over, remote control also hidden. Do I just wait it out?

OP posts:
Coconutty · 29/09/2013 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mersea208 · 29/09/2013 19:13

DS forgot that he sold the tv to dh. Managed to put tv in loft with stand (which ds had removed from tv) and remote. Still none the wiser as to why this all happened. Said he didn't have to tell us. confused

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 29/09/2013 19:20

Does your DS have SN? This seems quite unusual behaviour. MH issues? Drug problem?

Theas18 · 30/09/2013 10:20

How old is he?

This is truly odd behaviour! I'd stop buying him stuff ( how does he fund his current lifestyle if he can throw away £40 headphones??) and keep a close eye out re MH/drug /generally illegal activities I'm afraid

FannyFifer · 30/09/2013 10:29

This is very strange behaviour indeed.

He sounds like he needs help, is he depressed,mental health disorder?

The covering TV & turning it to the wall reminds me of someone who thought there were people watching & talking to her through the TV.

You really must get to the bottom of what is going on here.

Mumtomygirls · 02/10/2013 04:01

I think you need to get him to speak to someone professional :(

The headphones - voices
Laptop & TV - camera & voices

I know this May sound strange but it sounds like he is possibly thinking that the headphones are telling him something? The laptop does the same, he may feel someone is watching him through it and the same with the TV.

Some people believe that people no longer living can speak/communicate through frequencies on electrical's
Maybe he believes that?

Or

Schizophrenia, paranoia? Any number of health issues. Whatever it is he needs help, understanding & guidance.

What is he like with mobile phones, camcorders, stereos?

Is it just his own personal things or things around the house that he acts this way with?

I do hope you can get to the bottom of this and get him some much needed help

lljkk · 03/10/2013 07:01

DS chucks things in the hallway that he no longer wants. Too lazy to take it further. Unlike a teen to go that extra mile.

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