Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

who has a teenager?

111 replies

Auntymandy · 17/06/2006 06:54

The teenage threads are nver very active! Are we sooo laid back when they get to this age, Or past caring!!

OP posts:
agalch · 20/06/2006 12:52

We do have a playroom but dd nearly 2 is always in there playing.
I don't have a problem with them having a snog/grope etc,i just don't want them sh***g up there.
Having a teenage snog/grope was bloody fab iirc.lol
It's normal to be doing that tho don't you think? Or should i be telling him no snogging/groping either?
Teens are hard workWink

themoon66 · 20/06/2006 13:23

Nah, I wouldnt waste your breath telling them NOT to do stuff. In one ear, out the other with teens.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 20/06/2006 13:29

God no, don't tell them not to do it - they'll be straight out for the condoms Wink Mind you if you can't be good be careful!!

themoon66 · 20/06/2006 13:42

Mum was incredibly strict about boys. She used to go on and on about not letting them do anything. The more she went on at me, the more I was determined to 'have a go' just to see what it was I was missing.

BamboozlesLover · 20/06/2006 16:50

agalch - when i was 14 i knew many boys who wouldn't care that their parents were downstairs. obviously i'm not saying your son would, you know your son, but their parents probably didn't think their sons would do it either iyswim. on the other hand even if you don't let them upstairs, if they are gonna do it they will find a way. i mean you can't be at home with them 24/7. i think i'm rambling here, i don't really know what to suggest!!

tomal · 20/06/2006 21:25

DD was just 15 when she had her 1st bf. I let them go upstairs, but was very cautious and kept calling in to ask if they wanted drinks, crisps, biscuits etc! She is now 16 and with her second bf who is 18. I am a lot more relaxed this time. This relationship is more serious. I tend to let them have more privacy and am not breathing down their necks all the time.
I think it depends on their age, their maturity and how comfortable you are with what they may be doing!!

tomal · 20/06/2006 21:26

DD was just 15 when she had her 1st bf. I let them go upstairs, but was very cautious and kept calling in to ask if they wanted drinks, crisps, biscuits etc! She is now 16 and with her second bf who is 18. I am a lot more relaxed this time. This relationship is more serious. I tend to let them have more privacy and am not breathing down their necks all the time.
I think it depends on their age, their maturity and how comfortable you are with what they may be doing!!

tomal · 20/06/2006 21:27

Sorry for repeat post!!!!

Original poster
Auntymandy · 23/06/2006 19:54

lots of us seem to have teens and little ones too. do you get sick of being asked 'which is easier?'!!!

OP posts:
sugarfree · 23/06/2006 20:00

Little ones are easier without a doubt.

Original poster
Auntymandy · 23/06/2006 20:06

yes you can put them to bed!

OP posts:
waggledancer · 23/06/2006 21:06

I have 16yr old dd, who gives us little stress so far. She is reasonably chatty and helpful and a self starter for chores and study. 13yr old ds1 is a royal pain though, congenital liar (often in the face of strong evidence and for no discerable reason) lazy, passive aggressive and seemingly unfazed by any punishment. Ds2 14months so still too young to be worrying, but can paddy with the best of them

BadMuther · 08/08/2006 16:04

I have a 14 year old girl.

Sometimes she is lovely, and at others a trial. She segues from one extreme to another with little or no notice.

She was better organised when she was six!

However, I love teenagers, I prefer them over little children...any day of the week.

mumof3teens · 21/08/2006 16:50

I agree that there really should be more Teenager threads. just thinking about Tallulahs post makes me break out in a cold sweat - A levels AND GCSEs at the same time! I will have this in 3 years with DS2 (15) and DS3 (13)- can't really imagine it. went through A levels last yr with DS1 (19) but 2 at once??!!!

tribeoffive · 30/08/2006 17:17

Waggledancer you have made me feel that I am not alone I too have a 13yr old Dd who seems to match ur 13yr old to a T, and its a nightmare!!!!
My 15 yr old Ds no great probs and my 3 little imps 4,3 and 1 well at this stage no probs (i hope
How are you dealing with it????
We have just made her delete her Bebo site and have started restricting her use of MSN (feel this has contributed to her 'attitude')
Sorry but I started checkin her chat logs and well
There is no easy answer but it is so FRUSTRATING!

waggledancer · 30/08/2006 18:07

I alternate between hoping he will end up reasonably normal, although I do know he struggles with his sh*y relationship with his father and finds his sister a hard act to follow, and the rest of the time convinced he needs serious counselling. Only thing holding me back is worry that the wrong counsellor would be worse than non. He has serious issues with over eating which seem to be getting worse though so counselling is coming closer i think.

I find teenagers so hard, definitely the worst age. Also struggle with ds cos he is male and doesn't function the same as girls so less easy to motivate, understand and empathise with

rustybear · 30/08/2006 18:55

mum of 3 teens:I have just had my "A levels + GCSE's summer" - not fun, especially the last few weeks before results, when they were both on edge. But it's really good when it's over, they both did really well & are looking forward respectively to Uni & 6th form college.
I have just come back from an all day shopping expedition with DD where we bought her new clothes for college & i said "see, spending the day with mum can be good sometimes " & she said "it would have been good even if you hadn't bought me a thing" It was so sweeet!

UrsulatheSeawitch · 30/08/2006 19:14

I think the thing about teens is that they are much less predictable than toddlers - not that toddlers are really, but little ones do tend to develop through fairly standard stages but once they hit puberty anything can happen. So although it's possible to suggest techniques for handling them there are so many more variables than with little ones. I think. iyswim.

Currently I have 2 male teens (13 and 18). The 18 is quite nice to have around atm (but will be away for 6-ish weeks next month, I will miss him) and 13 is very funny and entertaining but also extremely self-centred - partly his age, partly being the baby and a bit spoilt. Also he hasn't really reached the Kevin stage yet

(I have 2 female ex-teens, 24 and 21. We went through some fairly hideous times when they were teens but have quite nice relationships now mostly )

chenin · 30/08/2006 19:57

Have two DDs, 17 and 14.... when does it get easier with a 17yo? She has very many good points (works hard, does well at 6th form, earns her own money BUT
she is lazy at home, argumentative and seems to have reached the pinnacle of selfishness.... I can't wait for her to come out of this 'stage' !!

tallulah · 31/08/2006 15:11

Trouble is, they grow out of the awkward stage and then leave home, just when you could benefit from having a reasonable human being around

Seriously, I get on well with the older 2, and with DD now she doesn't live with us, but I'll swing for the little one. We have a serious attitude problem. He won't work at school, he's always got a scowl on, he's miserable and whines, and he's always in a strop. With DH he's cuddles and sweetness-and-light.. He was the easiest baby/ toddler/ child, but now he is a Kevin. My mum tells me "of course, he was always spoilt.."

mumof3teens · 31/08/2006 17:58

Rustybear - that is quite heartening. Do you think that it was actually "better" that they were both revising for exams at the same time?
How do you feel about DD going off to Uni - I know I was very excited for DS1 last year and had just one almost tearful moment as we drove away from his halls, watching him wave bravely.
(sorry to hijack the thread)

rustybear · 31/08/2006 18:17

Yes, I think in a way it was better, as they weren't annoying the other one with loud music etc. Luckily they both did very well, so I wasn't having to console one while celebrating with the other!
I expect I shall be a bit tearful come October - I'm just thinking about how our family life is going to be changing- especially as FIL is in hospital atm & we may end up having both PIL here for a while...

mumof3teens · 31/08/2006 18:57

Sorry to hear about fil. I still don't enjoy DS1 returning to Uni after hols etc, but he is having such a fantastic time,loves his course and has made such great friends that we can only be delighted for him. I am sure you and your DD will be the same.

rustybear · 31/08/2006 19:31

Actually it's DS who's going to Uni (Warwick)- sorry my post wasn't very clear - the college DD is going to is a sixth form college for her A levels - no more uniform, so of course she 'needs' lots of new clothes!

mumof3teens · 31/08/2006 19:49

Maybe we should start a DS/D going to uni/parent support thread! I think the best advice I got was from a teacher at DS1,2 & 3s school - to take one of those packs of small French beers/lagers with them to Uni for when they are unpacking - it certainly helped break the ice as DS1 ended up with lots of nervous students in his room chatting!
DS1 is sharing a house this yr (with 6 other lads!) though (he's at MCR).