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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

who has a teenager?

111 replies

Auntymandy · 17/06/2006 06:54

The teenage threads are nver very active! Are we sooo laid back when they get to this age, Or past caring!!

OP posts:
mell2 · 17/06/2006 20:53

moon you are so right about girls saying hurtful things. At the moment it really is like living with two dd's who are 13. One minute saying hurtful things and 20 minutes later apologising and we are having a cuddle.

I'm just worried that the time it is taking her to apologise will get longer (like days)!!!

TmobileMum · 17/06/2006 21:09

I have SD1 (20yrs) and SD2 (18yrs) who haven't spoken to me since July last year. They shout at their Dad (my DH) and been absolute horrors. We have DS (9months) who is an absolute delight and sleepless nights pale in comparaison to staying up all night with a teen being sick in the bed, loo, stairs etc......... at least a baby appreciates you and doesn't look at you as though you've just trodden in something smelly Grin

longwaytogo · 17/06/2006 22:00

i have 13 nearly 14 yr old and 12 yr girls and two toddlers. The problems i have with mine is asking them to do things and they don't do it so i nag and nag and get really worked up and think i should just give up and do it all myself thent he next minute think no they need to learn to do things themselves so I will nag till they do what I want them to do. 12 yr olds attitude is worse than 13 yr old but older one is harder in terms of moody, always got something wrong with her, craves attention in subtle ways but doesn't want it when you give it. Ohhhh help someone please

stleger · 17/06/2006 22:38

And then somebody else's mum tells you what lovely kids they are. Like Kevin's friend Perry.

BamboozlesLover · 17/06/2006 23:14

Speaking as a 17yo teenager myself here...

i wouldn't bother nagging, ranting and raving. it goes through one ear and out the other. save your breath and a headache!all it used to create was shouting and slanging matches where i'd say stuff i didn't mean and then wish i hadn't. thinking back, the only thing that used to get me to do stuff was the threat of "if you don't we won't take you to such and such a place" or "don't think you're getting any money to go out if you don't." that soon got me moving!!

This quote is sooooo right "Girls can cut your heart to pieces with one sentence, then walk away like they don't care. Then the next day you get a glimse of the little girl she once was, all sweetness and light."

I have been guilty of this for many years. BUT don't worry they WILL realise they wouldn't have been able to do it without you one day. and when we say these hurtful things - honestly we don't mean them we are just in a rage. we soon regret it after, but often aren't big enough to admit it.

I feel so bad for the years of misery i must have put my parents through and now I am 37 weeks pregnant with my 1st i couldn't praise them enough. i could never go through an abortion but i fear that if i hadn't have had the support from them i would have felt like i had no other choice cos i know i couldn't have got this far without them. they've been absolute stars!

agalch · 18/06/2006 07:46

What really annoys me and hurts a bit is the way ds1 tells me how cool and great his gf's parents are.Like me and his dad are not?

Gf's grandad died yesterday and thats why he buggered off(i didn't know at the time) and he spent the day/evening consoling her and her mum says he is a really sweet boy and how good he is to her dd.I know hes a pita at times but he can be a nice lad too and i am taking all of the credit for him being like thatWink

chenin · 18/06/2006 10:22

My problem is trying to get 17 yr old DD to do anything I ask. I have no lever. She earns her own money (can't withdraw that), she is taking her driving test in a week (2nd time) so can't withhold lifts and is really quite independent.

I cannot get her to clean her room without a huge row that lasts about a week. She does nothing in the house whatsoever. Any tips on how I can make her do things I ask?

I know my problems with her are small - she does say to me "For Gods sake Mum, I don't cause you any big problems, I don't do drugs, I work hard at school so whats the problem?" I know she's right, but I have to live with her which is not easy. Its like living with an annoying horrible flatmate....

QE · 18/06/2006 10:29

helliebean, dd is almost 15 so not quite there with what you're going through. But I would say she must do some chores around the house, ie clean up after herself and clean the bathroom but as for her room - just shut the door and pretend it doesn't exist. Not sure how to motivate her to help really, sorry.

I have dd who is getting on for 15 - very helpful and patient with the toddlers who are 3.5 and 1.5.

ds1 is 12.5 - very kind and gentle with the little ones too. But clashes with hs db who is 10 and very annoying to everyone!

So far I am realy enjoying my older kids - more so than the younger ones tbh. Do you reach a stage where you just grow out of liking having little ones? I know I am at the stage where I know I never want any more babies. I can wait for the grandkids now!

chenin · 18/06/2006 10:48

QE yes, you are right, I know she should do some odd jobs around the house.... I just do not know how to get her to do them! I have tried absolutely everything but she always says 'in a minute' or 'tomorrow' and of course tomorrow never comes and it never happens!

I love having older children - teenagers nowadays are absolutely fascinating. They are self opinionated, confident, sassy and such fun BUT its horrible living with them.... I think its probably natures way of loosening the bond between mother and child to enable them to leave home and mum not to feel so bereft. I honestly think 17yo has 'outgrown' us IYSWIM and when its time to go to Uni next year, both she and I will be ready....!

Your 12.5 and 14yo sound brill with your little ones - thats something to be thankful for, isnt it?!

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 18/06/2006 10:49

BamboozlesLover - thanks for the insight Smile

I don't worry about messy rooms either- I shut the door and leave it - if ds wants to live in a tip then it's up to him. This is a tad difficult as both my boys share a room - but they also share their dad's messy gene. I don't go in to pick up dirty washing or dishes.

I have found myself being more relaxed as we waded through teenagerhood with ds1 - a bit like your daughter thinks helliebean - if it's not illegal, dangerous or annoying the neighbours I leave it be.

As far as chores go ds1 does his own ironing - I won't do it and either he does or he goes out wrinkled and they are all expected to tidy up after themselves around the house (if not their rooms) as it affects everyone not just them.

chenin · 18/06/2006 11:49

Saggarmaker - agree with what you are saying.... I have given up on the bedrooms a bit. But they both do leave a mess around the house and won't pick up anything (shoes, hairbrushes,make up, books etc. left everywhere). I'm about to start collecting it up and leaving it in a bin bag and wait for them to wonder where it is - its just that it seems so childish for me to have to do that with a 17 and 14 yo.
They also leave apple cores and sweet wrappers everywhere - very rarely put it in a bin. I rant and rave and ask nicely, and nothing seems to work so I am thinking of going on strike soon....
In fact it is like living with two annoying flatmates!

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 18/06/2006 12:12

I've done the bin bag thing - also took to throwing stuff out the front door into the driveway when I was particularly hacked off about it Blush

QE · 18/06/2006 12:34

helliebean - how about getting a small basket that can sit on the stairs - chuck everything in it that is left lying around. That way, it is out of your way an easier for her to just pick it up on the way up to her pigsty...oops I mean bedroom.

chenin · 18/06/2006 12:49

QE - yes, might try that and even throw the apple cores and sweet wrappers in it, at the same time....! Thanks...

BamboozlesLover · 18/06/2006 16:51

oh i remember the bin bag days!! that soon got me moving!!

agalch - i wouldn't worry about him thinking his gfs parents are cooler than you. his gf probably thinks you're cooler than her parents. all my friends think this about mine, i personally cannot see it!!

btw sorry for gatecrashing your thread parents of teenagers ..

lou33 · 18/06/2006 17:26

i have a 14 yr old dd

Milliways · 18/06/2006 17:54

DD is 15 & DS is nearly 11, so Teen in waiting :)

Tortington · 18/06/2006 17:55

i have three.

themoon66 · 18/06/2006 19:08

My DD had an amazingly messy room. I took to piling her clean washing up on the landing outside her door, but she stopped taking it in and just stepped over it. The pile got so high it fell over, which meant her mess was now spread out across the landing.

When she buggered off to live with her 29 year old boyfriend (totally waster) I got the last laugh. We went round to his house with our massive estate car full to the roof with the entire contents of her room. We dumped the whole lot in his lounge. God I wish i'd had a camera - his face was a picture! 9 black bin bags and 5 huge plastic stacka boxes. Plus bags and boxes of shoes, handbags, random crap etc.

My parting shot to him was - 'there you go, you wanted her, you got her, so who's laughing now K'? (I'd better not say his name on here).

winnie · 19/06/2006 13:31

i have a teenager :)

NomDePlume · 19/06/2006 13:37

I have 2

14 yo hormonal DS1 & DS2 who is almost a teenager, 12.5.

DS1 is a bloody nightmare atm, hormones running riot. He's unhelpful, lazy & stroppy, in fact he's right royal pita 95% of the time . We do have the odd glimmer of positivity though, at heart he is a good lad, he's just under fire from raging testosterone.

DS2 is the complete opposite to his brother and boy does he play on it. He has his fair share of moments too though, but his main hobby is winding his brother up to the point of explosion.

Also have a nearly 4 year old DD, who adores her brothers and is a bit of a sweetheart really (although she does a cracking line in tantrums)

tomal · 20/06/2006 07:51

I have two. Dd 16yrs, DS1 15yrs. I also have a 4yr old Ds2. Dd has a 18yr old bf who also lives here a lot of the time. Having read some of your threads, I'm now dreading Ds1 getting a gf as this will mean I won't see much of him as he'll be at her house. Is this always the case?

agalch · 20/06/2006 09:11

Hi Tomal

My ds1 is 14 nearly 15 and was spending a lot of time at his gf's but in the last couple of weeks he has brought her over here a few times.I think shes really shy and because she has a stammer she was nervous about coming here.Hopefully they can split their time a bit more evenly from now on and i will see him ocasionally.

What do all you mums/dads do re the kids going up to sit in the bedroom.I wasn't happy when they first started going out to be upstairs but since shes been over they have gone upstairs for short periods of time.
Dp is freaking out and not happy about it.I think if they are or plan to have sex i don't think he would do it while we were downstairs,or am i being too trusting?

fairyjay · 20/06/2006 09:17

agalch
Glad you're seeing more of the happy pair now! Do you have a separate room that could be the 'kids' room, so that they wouldn't need to keep disappearing upstairs? We have a sitting room that they will be able to use - it's got glass doors though Grin

themoon66 · 20/06/2006 10:58

agalch - Of course they will be on the bed having a grope whilst you are downstairs. Have you forgotten your teenage years??