At my wits end with DD

[shabbyischaracter]

DD1 is about to start Year 10, has chosen 'tough' subjects, and now quite all of a sudden has shut down on it all. I've discovered she hasn't done any of the homework she was set over the summer when she'd told me it was done a week ago, she apparently doesn't want to carry on with her violin lessons any more , has categorically decided she hates the entire idea of GCSEs since 'they're not going to be worth anything anyway', is not going to be able to bear the supposed torture of PE lessons again, and has shut herself in her room crying sulking after being told off for lying. While I'm upset she lied, I don't want her to be worried about Yr 10, but I'm a bit clueless as to where this all has come from and how on earth I'm going to survive it

I think she's just getting a bit of 'scare factor' about the fact she's going to be doing GCSEs, and coming into an important time in her life. I agree it's not good she lied, but it's possible it was because of some concern such as she couldn't do the homework, which may be where the whole 'it's too hard thing' is coming from. DW about the violin lessons, she'll almost certainly get over that, and likewise for the PE. I'd have a chat to her about all this and make sure she knows A) it's not the end of the world as she seems to think, B) you're always there to talk

Sounds like a school return wobble, she is worried about going back and the work/expectation ahead of her. I suggest you break this down into manageable chunks.

1. review the homework to see what really needs to be done, and when it is due in, and then help her with it, by again 'chunking it up' to small sections which can be tackled for 30 mins max at a time. Get her to do it at the kitchen table or with you in the living room, and supply drinks, biscuits and encouraging noises.
2. decide if the violin lessons really are essential - is she super talented? If not it can be a real chore and you are paying out for lessons which she is not enjoying and is not really getting any further benefit from.

3.reassurance re the GCSEs and you will have to take this slowly as the term progresses, again she may benefit from gentle encouragement. I guess she will not have much choice about the PE but could you find something outside of school that you can do together such as Zumba or yoga, the endorphins from these activities help with the stress and it may help to nurture the bonds between you.

I think girls put a lot of pressure on their selves and need to be taught strategies to deal with the stress, and mums have to absorb a lot of this stress as well!
Good Luck!

if she has moved on from the violin (which is very difficult) then call it a day on that one. Not essential.

doing homework is essential. Check there is nothing else going on regarding school (bullying) and then work out a plan with her for catching up with what she hasn't done and avoiding getting so behind in future.

she gets on with her education and she sucks it up regarding PE. There are more fun forms of exercise which will open up to her after school (don't let her be put off by PE being no fun) so tell her it won't be forever. But the academic stuff has to be done.

Does she have a mean/sarcastic PE teacher?

She might find PE is completely different at KS4. My DD2(18) did not do it at GCSE so was allowed to choose a sport and do that so she and her friends played badminton , others chose trampolining/netball/dance etc and it turned out to be an enjoyable escape from academic study.

I agree that she probably tried to complete the work, found it harder than she expected and so went into avoidance mode. It might simply be the language used to set the tasks. A lot of pupils get confused about the use of 'explore' in English for example rather than' compare and contrast' or 'analyse'

I feel for you about the violin, carted DD1's cello around for bloody years until one day she just decided she didn't want to play...grrrr! .

Is she doing PE as a GCSE choice?
Both of mine found being in the non-GCSE groups was so much more relaxing than PE in previous years. As if the teachers had suddenly had a reality check and understood what they were doing. Less yelling and pushing and more relaxed exercise, devoid of the champions and competitive types.
Otherwise, it does sound as if she's just having a wobble. You should still have a couple of weeks to look at the homework with her if you are in England.