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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Has your teen been slobbing around all day during the holidays too?

29 replies

Sahmof3 · 10/08/2013 08:59

My 14 year old daughter has done absolutely nothing with her time since she broke up from school. She gets out of bed around lunchtime, slobs around all day in her pyjamas and spends the entire time on her ipod and mobile phone playing games and messaging her friends. She won't practise her instruments, refuses to do the small amount of homework set by school and rarely leaves the house despite my constant nagging. Do you think I should just leave her be? Part of me thinks the rest may do her good before she starts on her GCSE courses in Year 10, the other part thinks she is wasting valuable time when she could be preparing for the next school year, or at least doing something a bit more worthwhile. Also, do you think I should continue allowing her to have lessons for her instruments when she can't even be bothered to practise during the holidays? Any ideas how to constructively occupy a teen during the hols? Any advice much appreciated!

OP posts:

mummy1973 · 10/08/2013 09:04

Hi. My dd is 9 but left to own devices is the same (but head in a book)! I've mostly left her to it as she is happy and it is the holidays. I have arranged a special girl's day on Monday...asked her what she'd like to do and we're having nails painted and Italian meal. Maybe you could have a similar day and then you could have a really good chat about the instrument etc?

DameDeepRedBetty · 10/08/2013 09:06

I'm not chasing dtds (also starting GCSE next term) in a massive way, but I would talk about the music practice bit. Instrument music goes off the boil pretty quickly without the regular practice.

You could refuse to top up her mobile credit until certain reasonable chores are done?

thornrose · 10/08/2013 09:08

My (soon to be) 14 year old dd is pretty much the same.

We're only a couple of weeks in, I think they do need the rest to start with.

I'm going to push mine a bit more starting on Monday. (Wish me luck with that one!)

I think I'd try and have a chat about the instruments, going out of the house to do that could be a good idea.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 10/08/2013 09:16

Oh the joys of teenagers. My DS3 is the same age and so far during the hols he has done a fat load of nothing. I'm expecting him to get bored of it in the next couple of days. He has mentioned the words fed up and bored today, I pointed out he is 14 and past the age of needing his Mum to provide entertainment. She will get the homework done before she goes back. As adults we would take the opportunity to prepare for the coming year, but they are not adults so look at it differently. I know when DS returns to school he will work hard as he is very focused and doing well si I'm leaving him be.

PeriPathetic · 10/08/2013 09:25

Yeah. Except mines 11. I've pretty much left her to it as we've just moved, but we are going away for a few days tomorrow so she will have to get up, dress and do stuff. I expect fireworks.

thornrose · 10/08/2013 09:43

That's the problem Peri, when they do have to get up it's a bit of a rude awakening!

I want mine to get up early today because there's a really fun event in town I want to drag take her to.

I'm actually dreading her reaction.

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2013 09:46

DS1 (14) has done bog all this holiday. Except moaning and bickering with DS2. Oh and sleep til midday and eat all afternoon.

He doesn't want to leave the house especially with the family.

mrsjay · 10/08/2013 11:11

yes she has it does my head in, sleeping till lunch time and flopping about the sofa, although she has met up with friends ( i suspect there is a boyfriend there) once a week and does go out sometimes I cant wait for school to go back middle of August for scotland it has been a long summer, sigh

mrsjay · 10/08/2013 11:13

no advice really sorry dd2 said the other day aafter getting up at 12 and faffing about said to me at 3pm what are we doing today

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2013 11:25

Oh the 'What are we doing today' does my nut in mrsjay.

ArthurCucumber · 10/08/2013 11:43

My 14 yr old isn't, but my 11 yr old is .

14 yr old slobbing and texting a fair bit but also seeing friends, drawing, playing guitar, reading and willingly does any chores required. Generally cheerful.

11 yr old grumpy as hell. Sleeps late, and by the time she's up, clean, dressed, hair dried, brunched and BORED, most possibilities for stuff to do with the day have passed her by. She would play SIMS all day if allowed. Rarely even reads. Won't see friends as is in between schools - not sure why that's relevant! - and her best friend (who's going to the same school) is away most of the summer. She happily took part in a few activities I organised earlier in the summer (ours have been off for 6 weeks already) and will tolerate days out as long as it's involves buying stuff and eating cake, rather than any physical activity, in which case she moans throughout. As we're on a budget and I'm now trying to work at home, these opportunities are limited. Three weeks to go, and roll on bloody September.

thornrose · 10/08/2013 11:48

"What are we doing today?" at 4 o fucking clock makes me scream inside.

mrsjay · 10/08/2013 12:35

oh i think we have all bonded with the What are we doing today nonsense, I have just shouted the princess of darkness to get up, she grunted

LynetteScavo · 10/08/2013 12:39

I thought the whole point of the school holidays was to lounge around doing nothing!

My 14 yo has been quite active. He has been learning to tightrope walk. But he's fixed one end of the thing he walks on (it's not a rope) to an apple tree, and all the apples are falling off and going to waste.

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2013 13:13

I think it is Lynette, but now there's FB there's all the pictures of teens doing stuff, and it makes me feel a bit 'Grrr why can't DS go and do some stuff'.

MaureenMLove · 10/08/2013 13:49

Hmm, whilst I think you should make your DCs pull their weight a bit during the school holidays, there will never, ever be a time in their lives when they are able to do this again!

Nowt wrong with getting them to keep their room tidy, do the dishwasher or run the hoover round, but I do think you're a long time working/being an adult, so let them be!

secretscwirrels · 10/08/2013 13:49

They end up nocturnal.
I've had to get agreement with DS2 (15) that he must get to bed by midnight because he was in danger of doing night shifts.

shockers · 10/08/2013 14:05

Thanks to his paper round, my 13 yr old has been up at 6.45 every day. I have taken him camping a couple of times though (and DH has done his round for him )
We are quite lucky, living by a river, with all the good weather; I've spent a lot of time down there with DS and DD (both teens), having a grand old time.
I imagine being in our old house wouldn't have been as much fun, as they'd have been asking for money to go swimming etc., constantly.

fuzzpig · 10/08/2013 14:08

My DSDs (15yo twins) don't live with us so can't say what they are doing while at home (although I do know it involves facebook and telly :o) but they are going out with friends (they recently started using some of their allowance on one of those unlimited cinema cards) and they are both volunteering at least once a week with the company I work for (instigated by them, ie not forced). They have gone/will go on a few day trips with us, they are happy with stuff like summer fetes etc. They do like just mooching watching DVDs with us too.

DSD2 has also been helping their mum at work (charity shop), looking up uni courses and occasionally babysitting DS and DD for us. She has arranged a little camping weekend in their garden for a bunch of mates. She also said she wants to do some revision over the holidays but I'm not sure if she will feel the same when we get the books out :o

DSD1 we have barely seen actually as she is always busy, so I think mostly hanging out with mates, and according to FB she has a boyfriend

They have never been ones to sleep late - their mum was very strict with bedtimes when they were little, and it's really paid off - they are very good at getting enough sleep. Trying to do the same with our DCs although they aren't nearly so compliant as their big sisters

PeriPathetic · 10/08/2013 14:11

OMG she's up and out! She's been forced persuaded to go out for a walk with DH and the dog. She spent ages doing her hair and smiled too.
Wonder what she's after.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 10/08/2013 14:14

Our two have done a lot of slobbing - dd1 (18) hasn't even got dressed beyond joggers and a cami on some days! But they have also been out for a few lunches with dp and I, seen friends etc.

DD2 (16) spends a lot of time camped out in her room with a few friends, watching films (in fact they are up there now), or sitting on the roof with them. DD1 tends to go out with friends, rather than staying in with them.

ArthurCucumber · 10/08/2013 14:14

Oh, I'd be happy to leave dd2 to her own devices (as I do dd1), if she was reasonably cheerful about it. It's the lying about until mid-afternoon and THEN grumping that she's bored when all the shops (her only hobby) are about to close. All my suggestions dismissed with a sniff. For nine weeks.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 10/08/2013 14:17

NINE?!

ArthurCucumber · 10/08/2013 17:29

Nine. The whole of July and August .

bruffin · 10/08/2013 17:49

Agree with Lynette, school holidays are meant for lounging about.

DD didnt surface until 12 today, but this week she has been helping at an SEN club mon-wed. Had an impacted tooth removed under GA on thursday. I quite expected her to be in a bad way for about a week but she wanted to go to the club on Friday so went in for the afternoon.

DS has a casual job but has been turning down shifts that start at 5.30am (he did do one) which i secretly dont blame him. He will start to run out of money in september. Today he was up early but has had a few attempts at his personal statement today, then gone of to watch tv. He is still in his jamies.

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