<Sob> Temporarily overwhelmed by DS1 and 2

[BoffinMum]

I am trying to work from home during August as I haven't got a lot of childcare, but DS (12) and DS (15) are driving me nuts. Despite my best efforts they are doing everything on an imaginary ticklist of annoying-but-not-illegal-or-immoral things, specifically designed to annoy a parent. Their minor but exasperating crimes include:

Smearing jam all over clean sheets from eating in bed
Peeing all over the place in the bathroom and making it stink
Toilet skid marks, no use of brush
No assistance in house whatsoever despite many disciplinary strategies
Lying in bed until lunch and then loafing about in pyjamas all day
Arguing and scrapping with each other
Bedrooms like fetid hellholes that time forgot (gave in and cleaned one today as I couldn't bear it any longer)
Banging on about the next thing they want me to buy for them
Refusing to their holiday homework from school
Refusing to do anything except muck about on their computers

I have tried everything I can think of to reign them in but I am wondering if there are things other people can think of. I am getting no work done and they have me in tears at the moment.

sorry to distract you all, but I have bad news.

the [ cake] is gone!
I started a new thread in AIBU to get the cake emoticon back.

I want cake!

I had to NC and I'm begging you to help!

sorry again, storm in a cup
is back

cakegate[au] is over.
as you were....

sorry

Despite spending £140 in Tesco on wednesday (suspect budget queen posters don't have teen kids) apparently there is nothing to eat in the house. Even though I made breakfast for the poor starving children - which some of them couldn't be bothered to come down and eat.

I do Click and Collect alistron. i bark 'DOES ANYONE WANT ANYTHING BEFORE I COMPLETE THE ORDER?'. They say no. Then there's nothing to eat.

DS1 had a piece of bread for lunch as he CBA to make a sandwich.

Lego. Floor.

I am a broken woman.

Ladies, do any of you have to feed other people's DC as well as your own? That is when I particularly notice my food supplies dwindling. I sometimes think it might be simpler (and less messy) to put a nose bag on each of them .

Wet towels. Floor. Always

Oh yes OPC monikar. Always feeding them. DS1 will have friends round and go and get himself something to eat. i have to remind him to ask them if they want anything.

Sparkling but they eat so much, especially the boys! I must be very relaxed as they all help themselves. Also, they can eat a full meal with pudding and about a litre of coke each, and then about half an hour later are 'still hungry' and so are stuffing on crisps and biscuits. Then they spend the rest of the evening literally sitting around their plates, cups, empty bottles and crisp bags! No-one gets up and puts anything in the bin.

I have got wise to this and buy supplies when it is on offer and stow it away in secret places for such emergencies.

These threads scare me to death - I don't know why I read them. I have one teenage-free year left and then eleven teenage years ahead of that

Boys or girls cats?

I'm almost scared to say demented in case you say they are worse, but ... all boys - three.

Lol. I have done two girls and survived. I am embarking on dc3 who is a boy and watching with interest to see the difference.

Just been upstairs. DS1's room empty with TV on, but sounds coming from the bathroom. I shouted was he ok? He said he was having a poo and watching something on his IPad. Nice.
At least he wasn't eating as well I suppose.

Good luck with that demented. Oh and thanks for putting me off dumplings for life!

I have a 15 year old DD and she is a mucky mare, unless its her hair!

Sorry cats. Teenage girls are funny creatures. Dd1 lives in her bedroom and mutters "fine" to any question put to her ( I say 'teen" she is 22 ffs), dd2 I haven't seen for days but will no doubt rock up in borrowed clothes, grab a bag and shout " going to mollies/kirstens/Amy's/nicks - see ya.'
Bloody chalk and cheese

I have 4 boys

You will need to change your NN to FourLazyTeenageDudes' eventually Four*.

Well the shoes weren't too bad although I am nearly£100 poorer and they have spent all evening playing on the Xbox together , lovely to hear them getting on .

Am loving this thread , so much familiar stuff and great to laugh about it all . The food thing is really getting to me at the moment I just can't keep up

I'm sniggering at this thread as I recognise ALL of it, but am currently enjoying a break while DD(17) DS1(16) and DS2(12) are away with XH

So far I have managed to ignore three pigsties in the house, but they are beginning to niggle at the edge of my consciousness. DS1 often returns saying " I love coming home, cos mum has always tidied my room" so I'm arguing with myself. Can I put up with the squalor for unspecified years and just write off those parts of my house? Or should I deep-clean and show what CAN be achieved and reward any maintenance?

DD1 has two MASSIVE coffee stains on the carpet which bug the hell out of me every time I see them. Any advice?

A rug for dds carpet. Job done.
I did the room tidying for a while then after a shouting match with dd1 who said " well, if it bugs you, don't go in" I realised she had a point. Such a relief to give up on this one. All I do now is open the door, chuck a pile of unironed clothes on the bed and leave. When I stopped doing their ironing I fondly believed they would be forced into doing their own, but they just wear it unironed, so another issue resolved!
I also do the chucking on the bed thing with stuff they leave in the sitting room - nail varnish, magazines, etc. Dd1 dumps it on the floor, dd2 just sleeps round it on a bed without a sheet because I refuse to do beds for people that age and she can't be arsed!

It's amazing how my lot moan about how rubbish our house is (it isn't) but don't seem to understand that trails of wet towels (how many towels do they need to use ffs?) clothes, shoes, bags and other ephemera detract from the ambience.

They have been compiling lists of things they need for september - an iphone 5 is an essential apparently. Oldest daughter is going into 6th form, she has to wear office wear. I work in an office so am well placed to advise on this - you'd think. She 'needs' 5 'suits' with short skirts. A different one for every day of the week. Plus accessories.Oh how I laughed.

Phew, not just me then.

Live in hope at reports that they will "emerge like butterflies" at 18 & until then hope can just fire-fight without killing anyone.

Back from hols last Sun, washed all DD's (16) clothes so she'd have clean stuff for V Fest this weekend. Worked all week (me, not her). She was packing last night & of course had no clean clothes as had worn them all to lie around all week.

DS (14) tried to convince me that walking to shop to buy Capri Sun, which he has just rediscovered, is exercise.

She wore CLOTHES? Diamond? Has she not heard of dressing gowns/duvets?!