My 13 year old son is so ignorant

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My 13 year old son refuses to brush his teeth, I have tried everything under th sun to encourage him, now im so drained out i dont know what to do. I took him to the dentist a year ago and he refused to treat him with braces due to lack of oral hygiene and told us to come back when improvement was done, a year later and its worse , his teeth are not only crooked but badly discoloured I need professional help and advice who can I ask, its driving me insane, I feel that his lack of hygiene reflects badly on my parenting, people must think im so negligent, im at the end of my tether
Please help!

I'm not sure there's much you can do. Presumably he wouldn't let you brush them for him? Has the dentist already given him a lecture? IME it does tend to improve when they start becoming interested on attracting girl/boy friends.

He's 13. He'll be wanting to snog soon. It's amazing how that will improve things!!
Seriously though - I think that if you and the dentist have both explained the consequences of not brushing yo him, and the desire for braces hasn't made him clean up his act, then there's nothing much you can do.
Don't worry about the braces, he can have them fitted at any time, even in adulthood.

With my foster son who did this, I just wouldn't let him have any pocket money to spend on sweets on the pretence that he clearly couldn't be trusted, and sent him to school with a banana for break. Worked a treat.

My DS was very bad at brushing his teeth. Eventually he admitted he can't stand the taste of mint toothpaste. I got him some fruit flavoured stuff & his dental hygiene has improved immeasurably.

You could try making your son an appointment with a dental hygienist to get a really good deep clean & polish. The hygienist will also give advice on how to keep them clean. He might be more inclined to listen if someone else tells him.

You are not to blame, by the way. Teenage boys can be very stubborn.

Bit far fetched but how about a gadget? You could get him an electric toothbrush?

would he go to the hygenist sp) so they can give them a good clean and start again YY to electric tooth brush. dd has an aversion to mint she would heave when she brushed her teeth and wouldn't brush them they were a state and she had to stop her orthadontics as they said there was no point if she wasn't brushing her teeth properly I was mortified but i couldnt force her till I managed to find a nearly flavourless toothpaste and electric toothbrush,

You've got to have some leverage, computer time? Pocket money? Lifts or train fare to see his mates?

I used to avoid brushing as a child because, as Alpaca says, I couldn't stand mint. Then as a young adult I discovered fennel toothpaste (by Tom's of Maine, from wholefood shops), which solved the problem. I still use it. Might be worth a try with your DS.

I can't say that I think very much of your dentist. An appointment with a hygienist would have got his teeth clean quickly enough, and might have made your ds think twice about not looking after them (maybe). How does your ds feel about having braces? It might be that's the reason he is holding off on the brushing if he isn't keen.

Most dentists have hygienists as a part of their team, although I think you usually have to pay.

Me too with the mint. Ask him.

Mint toothpaste actually makes my gums red and inflamed, another vote for trying a different toothpaste.

sensodyne do a non mint well it has a slight mint taste it is the pro enamel one tastes more of vanilla than mint dd uses that,

Send him to the hygienist and then maybe try non-minty toothpaste. What about fruit/cinnamon flavoured? Even at 24 I can't use really strong toothpastes without gagging.

The only thing that works with my very strong willed 13 y/o ds is bribery/sanctions. He gets his pocket money and PlayStation only if he satisfies a list of tasks and requirements such as: decent level of hygiene, homework done, dirty washing in basket, bedroom hoovered. We have daily and weekly battles usually resulting in him slamming doors but he is slowly getting the hang of it!

If they wont listen to reason, you have to try something that does matter to them. For ds it is his playstation.

Funny you all like fennel, it's hideous imo.

Take away screen time, phone, xbox, money whatever it takes. He's 13, you can make him at this age.

YY to withdrawing privileges / money / services.

If he refuses to brush, try removing foods most likely to damage teeth...pop, sweets, desserts...although I think peer pressure and female attention will work well.

Have you posted the same thing under different names?

Sorry but - the harsh but true is - did he refuse to brush when he was 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4... You clearly didn't get that routine going way back when... if his teeth are now so bad that the dentist won't deal with him then what's the point of bringing this up as a "teenage" issue?

You are way too late to start bleeting to all and sundry now !

I tell mine no sweet things unless they brush, too.
13yos are bolshy though, doesn't matter how reasonable they were when younger, they are too big to bully now. He has his own money & can get to the sweet shop easily without me. So must turn to other forms of leverage.

DS does have braces & has been pretty good with the rules until last few months when he started buying bags of sweets to share with mates (argh). Luckily braces off next month.

Is he maybe worried about having braces and thinks if he doesn't brush his teeth then he won't have to have them? Appt with hygienist is good idea they are very good and he may tell them why he doesn't like brushing, could be his gums are sore cos not brushing. An electric brush helped my eldest :)