How do you get your DS off the computer?

[Palika]

When DS (14) was younger he used to use a timer to get off the computer after the agreed time span and that worked reasonably well.

But since DS is older he is lying more and more :( and can't be trusted.

I feel if I police him now and put my own timer on we are going backwards but it might be necessary, what do you think?

I can't switch off the internet as I need to use it myself a lot (for example, to post of mumsnet :) but also for my business.

Are there parental controls that can give certain time allocation like the X box? (Like 10 hours a week?)

How do you all monitor time on the computer and get them to switch the dam thing off?

Take the power cable away. If it's a lap top take it away long before he needs to be off it.

My SD had time slots that she had to stick to. If she didn't come off when told she would lose time the next time. Now she is 16 we don't have time slots but she has been told if she's on it too much or her behaviour deteriorates she will go back to time slots - she knows I mean it. (She is a very young 16 yr old and turns into a rude cheeky zombie if she's on it too long)

We restrict screen time. They have to have done other stuff before having screens, normally after tea on school day, after about 4pm on weekends / holidays.

Also, you can get parental controls that restrict internet times by user login. We use this on DD1s school laptop which is in her room for schoolwork only. That way we know she's not using it at bedtime. (Any facebook etc is on communal downstairs PCs).

Laptops, handheld consoles and tablets are kept downstairs, phones to be put outside by bedtime. If he has a desktop, i'd take the power cable away like someone suggested.

outside their room, I mean!

thanks guys for the suggestions.

DS suggested that he should be allowed an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon during holiday. I said yes immediately as this seems a rather moderate request.

But how can I control this as he always goes over time if not supervised and then lies about it. arrghh!

You go in an hour after he starts and tell him he's had his hour and needs to log off now please. if he doesn't, shut down the computer / shut the power off at the wall, and remind him that he agreed to an hour every morning and afternoon.

Set the timer for yourself to go in to him, rather than for him to get off the PC.

thanks all for the suggestions.
I was hoping to find a way to avoid the 'direct' policing. Something that puts the responsibility into his hands like the time allowance on the x-box.

His game is just on the computer and not on the internet. ???

I also have problems with my almost 17 year old and the excessive use of internet, xbox, laptop etc. I've tired and failed to take equipment away, take the router away whilst I'm at work, time limits etc. and I've epically failed. I've tried to trust him to switch off after a reasonable time and that has failed too. I'm so worried about him being on it and it seems to be the only way he communicates with anyone. Every time I take it all away I get accused of treating him like a kid, he doesn't do his chores and refuses to do anything. I'm afraid I gave up but am not pleased about it. Any other suggestions as to what I can do please?

With difficulty, and lots of nagging....

I keep an eye on the clock so it's not more than a few hours a day as I feel that is too much plenty. I have explained my reasons to him many times and suggests that he needs to do other things.
I think it's a real PITA living in the computer age as far as parenting is concerned anyway!

One thing to remember is that we are the first generation of parents who have to bring up their children with all these computers everywhere. We are like pioneers in that department and know little about the long-term damage we may (or may not) inflict on our children by allowing them too much computer time.

I am sure in the future people will get more savy and there will be better parental controls on these gadgets to make our job easier.

I think I will do this: I will by a large number of timers (they always break those little blighters) and DS will have to set two timers - one for himself and one for me. Then, when my timer goes off I go to him and if he has not switched off by himself (his timer should have gone off as well) there will be (pre-agreed) consequences.

Actually, I love this forum. It really helps talking!

I have same problem with DS 13 who would play on line games round the clock if I did not intervene. He can be quite aggressive when I give him a deadline for logging off. Last night I gave him a warning at 9.40 pm and it was 10.15 before he did actually switch off.

I have wondered about phoning the mums of his school friends to agree a pact, ie make them all log off at 9 pm. They keep each other playing. Most of his friends have computers in their bedrooms and I know of at least one boy who was on line to someone via YouTube at 1 am ( that is another story ). I wonder if the parents know their sons are still on line way after bedtime.

Last weekend most of this schools friends were away on a field trip to France, he had no one to play with and spent most of the weekend reading a book!

My husband did install a device called Times UP on the laptop...it took the kids about three days to hack into it and override the parental controls. DH is currently working abroad so no help at all with enforcing rules.

Here's a nasty story. Two years ago in this small town there was a teenager who was spending a lot of time in his bedroom with his computer and some younger children.

His mother thought he was playing games. He was actually making these other kids undress, perform indecent acts on each other and filming them.
He was stupid enough to download these videos onto a porn website.

Of course the police caught up with him and just before he was due to sit his A levels he was arrested, removed from school, did the round of juvenile courts and sent in for assessment at a S*x offenders unit.......

ALWAYS know what your kids are doing......and who they are doing it with.

Last night I turned the router off at 11pm and took it out and hid it away. DS still stayed up watching a DVD! I've kept the router off and hidden away so that he can't go on it at all today; this morning I was aske dif the internet was back on and I sid 'no', DS asked for it back on and I said 'no'. He asked why and what was he going to do all day? I stated he spent too much time on it and that he could do other things like water the garden, do his washing, tidy his room etc (he is almost 17), he said 'no, don't talk to me'. So that's that. I will see when I get home from work what he's been up to or not!

I think it is important that we get our children on board when switching off the computer. They need to understand why it is dangerous or unhealthy to stay on it for too long.

I once watched with DS a documentary about internet addiction and they talked about how bad this problem is in South Korea where they are wired in even more than we are. That was lucky because it made DS understand this problem better.

Also, I always used to say that watching telly in the daylight is a sin - as a joke - but somehow it stuck with DS and he actually never asks to watch telly before dinner.

Anyway, I have ordered some timers - let's see what happens!

thanks for the support!