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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

The award for the worst mum goes to me ! :(

22 replies

studentnursey78 · 05/07/2013 09:15

aarrgghh !
my dd (15) has just been driven against her will to her fathers overnight , and I feel like crap !
not just round the corner , but 200 miles away !
very sleep deprived today , but spent 2 hours in the car being screamed at for ruining her life etc etc
Just couldn't take the complete lack of respect any more :(
Am I crap ?
or as her dad says just demonstrating that I will follow up on threats I make ?

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 05/07/2013 09:18

Do you respect her? It goes both ways.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/07/2013 09:20

I think it sounds like you are at the end of your tether. you haven't ruined her life.

Do you want to talk about it?

mumblechum1 · 05/07/2013 09:24

Nope, sounds like she needs to know your boundaries and you are showing her exactly where they are and that she's crossed them.

Sit tight, and wait for her behaviour to improve before letting her back. She's in a safe place, with a parent.

Roshbegosh · 05/07/2013 09:26

How will it feel for her to be dragged 200 miles away and dumped for not being the DD you want?

CheeryCherry · 05/07/2013 09:29

It all sounds very miserable. Why doesn't she want to go?

angiebaby0178 · 05/07/2013 09:29

End of my tether is a good way to describe it !
Not able to function as a working mum / effective parent anymore :(

and she is with her nan / dad so she hasn't been dumped !

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/07/2013 09:31

Without knowing what's been going on I don't think it's fair to lay into the OP like that.

Parents don't lightly decide that the child needs to go to stay with the other parent because they haven't done the washing up for the third night in a row.

It tends to be something that has happened because they've tried everything and they simply can't cope any more and they need the extra help.

I really think that such comments as 'dragging her' and 'dumping her' are really unhelpful when we haven't got the faintest idea about the history of this and how it's got to this point and how much the OP has tried and how much help they've begged for, etc.

angiebaby0178 · 05/07/2013 09:32

the main reason she didn't want to go is the distance , away from her boyfriend / friends

I think she needs to realise that after me reminding her that this was an option for the last six months , I do actually stick to what I say

Even though it broke my heart leaving her there :(

livinginwonderland · 05/07/2013 09:33

Why was she taken to her dad's, though? What happened?

Smilehappy · 05/07/2013 09:35

Some people are too quick to judge, without even hearing the full story, for a mother to do this a lot must have went on, I truly hope your ok OP, what happened? Her dad is right, if you have been threatening it then you must follow through no matter how tough, she needs to learn Hmm xx

angiebaby0178 · 05/07/2013 09:42

a culmination of events over the last six months ish,
started as normal teenage stuff - door slamming , mood swings etc
she's always been fab at school , gets good grades, never ( I hope ? ) bunks off school
new boyfriend on the scene = change
I understand the whole fixation thing on a new bf , I have had many chats with her about being sexually active , given her options to talk to others , left her leaflets with details of all the places she can go, she swears they are not sleeping together ?
recently she has been stupid by taking photos of herself 'posing' on her fone, - fone got confiscated memory card wiped-hope to god they don't get on the net !
she was always late home, so her curfew got made earlier - didn't stick to that
basic things she was supposed to do in the house - room tidy ( ish I do remember being young ) don't leave fake tan everywhere , move razors from bathroom so little one doesn't try and shave her head !
simple things that are not registering with her as being of any importance

angiebaby0178 · 05/07/2013 09:45

Its just the combination of all the small things that have probably pushed me to the edge
I tried so hard to keep on top of it but it was like banging my head on the wall
don't get me wrong she gets rewards too. we went to see Robbie Williams this week - I made her pay half towards the ticket from her pocket money so she doesn't get spoiled- she earns pocket money for babysitting the younger one while ma and partner are on clashing shifts - so I think she has it quite nice here ?

Madmog · 05/07/2013 09:51

I don't think it's something any parent would take lightly. At 15 she'll know right from wrong. Don't kick yourself for it, the break will probably do you both good. She's with family, so is safe and will be well looked after.

When she comes back do have a talk to her along the lines her behaviour isn't acceptable, but you do care for her and maybe suggest a couple of fun things either together or with her friends for the holidays.

angiebaby0178 · 05/07/2013 09:58

I didn't take it lightly at all, cried silent tears all the way there and noisy snotty ones on the way back !

I have mixed emotions today , guilt , fear , relief , hope .......

I'm gonna go and get some sleep now , thanks for the support :)

xx

Smilehappy · 05/07/2013 10:02

I think you are doing the best for everyone by sending her off to her dads, when she's back she will know how to abide by your rules or off she will go, sounds harsh but teenagers can be too tough, don't worry all girls hate their mums for a little while but I'm sure she will love you even more for it in the future! Wink

Good luck x

SuperiorCat · 05/07/2013 10:05

It sounds like a horrible situation to be in OP, no judgement from me, my teen drives me crazy.

You did what you felt was the right thing and that is all any parent can do.

Hard though it may be, you have shown her that actions have consequences and that you stick to your word.

Palika · 05/07/2013 12:23

You need a proper written plan with the things she is supposed to do with proper (small) consequences. You need to enforce the consequence every time she does something wrong and then you won't come to this point where you just can't take it any more and try to get rid of her.

Having said all that, if I had had the option to 'dump' my DS somewhere else, I may have done it more than once...it's hard to be a parent. Hang in there, soldier on.....

Viking1 · 05/07/2013 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flow4 · 05/07/2013 21:42

Roshbegosh, this is a supportive board. You know nothing about the OP or her situation, so presumably comments like that are about you and your feelings, not her and hers. If you want to be anything other than supportive, please go and hang out somewhere else like AIBU.

flow4 · 05/07/2013 21:50

angie, knowing your limits is one of the hardest, but best, things to know as a parent... Sometimes I think our kids are not sure about our limits because we aren't sure ourselves... Now you've found yours, which can only be a good thing. :)
Hope you feel better and stronger by now. :)

secondchances · 07/07/2013 09:09

Rosh- so what do you think the op should do? Considering you don't know the ins & outs I doubt you're in a position to be judging like that.

Chloe1989 · 08/07/2013 12:06

Let him deal with her for a while. See how he copes. Teenage girls can be evil personified, and she'll see that in a couple of years.

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