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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Bloody hair!!!!

26 replies

Madamecastafiore · 25/06/2013 07:18

I need advice before I take the kitchen scissors to DDs hair!

She is 13 very soon and after having a beautiful shiny bob for most of her life decided a couple of years ago that she wanted to grow her hair.

All fine, until she has to actually look after it!

It is a bloody mess, rats tails is too tame a phrase. I have after nagging every day about her brushing it actually grabbed a brush and done it myself.

There was a lot that broke if that was left on the brush.

I have earned her that I will get it all chopped back off because am terrified she will get bloody nits in it and getting them out will be 10 x harder but she also just looks a bloody mess. Almost channeling Kirsty from Eastenders!

So ladies, ideas please. She has a bathroom full of this and that but uses none of it. I have to even check that she has brushed her bloody teeth each day so it's not not having the right product, more bloody filthy laziness.

Am I to have to take responsibility and do her hair each morning? Isn't it time she bloody took responsibility for this???

Ggggrrrrr.

OP posts:
chubbymomie2012 · 25/06/2013 07:27

I could have written this! My DS was exactly the same and people used to compliment her on this all the time. She wanted to grow her hair so she could do all the trendy hairstyles her mate had but her hair is thick and widely and initially she got fed up and at one point had to be held down to brush it. I took her for a trim to my hair dresser and she showed her how at straighten her hair and I thought that would help but it didn't. My sister bought her Shout magazine it has "how to" pics for hair dos. Now she on you tube getting hair do ideas and she is much better at looking after it.
Mind u I still have to watch her brush her teeth and make sure she puts clean knickers on and don't get me started about flushing the loo!

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 25/06/2013 07:31

Oooohhh so buy shout magazine then?

Why are they do filthy?

We have had to demand seeing her each night after her shower to make sure she clean and hair washed and dried or she will not bother and just cover herself in crappy string smelling body spray.

I even have to check she has flushed her toilet after the cleaner complaining about how vile it is.

Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 25/06/2013 11:57

I think a lot of teenagers go through a grotty phase. When your hormones kick in, your body can go into a bit of overdrive and all of a sudden you have greasy skin and spots that weren't there before, but you don't realise you have to change your washing habits to combat it.

For example, when I was 9/10, body spray stopped me smelling and I rarely needed or used deodorant. Fast forward to 11/12 and suddenly the body spray didn't work anymore but it took a while for it to "click" in my head that I had to use deodorant regularly!

Why don't you book her into the hairdressers and get her hair trimmed and conditioned properly and styled? It may be a case of she's left it too long and she can't really do anything about it herself without getting it sorted out by a professional.

As for the toilet flushing/teeth brushing - that's just general poor hygiene - there's no excuse for not doing either of those things, bleurgh! Maybe show her what bugs you can get from toilets if they're not kept clean - I hope she doesn't leave her toothbrush lying around nearby? And show her how much damage you can do to your teeth if you don't brush!

Mabelface · 25/06/2013 12:10

With her long hair, sounds like she just wants life to be as easy as possible. Tell her to leave a hairbrush in the shower and to brush it under the running water with conditioner in it. Far less hard work and it'll be better when it's dried.

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 25/06/2013 12:47

Good ideas ladies. Hairdresser coming this evening so will get her to have a chat with her.

DH showed her pictures of him disease last night on pc but not sure if they hit the mark. I did tell her that I will not run her around to the orthodontist next year to have her brave fitted unless she starts looking after her teeth.

Her and DS are also banned from any sort of drink other than milk and water and no treats until they start looking after their teeth!

She has a wide tooth comb so she can take that in the shower and will get a good chunk of it cut off tonight to make it more manageable, not do it short but enough to make her figure that I am serious!!'

OP posts:
Mabelface · 25/06/2013 12:48

It's how both DD and I do our long hair, and mine is curly. Tell her to work from the bottom up and she'll get it done in 2 minutes.

MCos · 29/06/2013 23:31

Consider a Tangle Teezer hairbrush. They are expensive, but I recently invested in one, after DD1 requested one. It has made a great difference to our morning routine! According to my DDs, it results in pain free hair brushing (and hair brushing takes much less time than with a regular hair-brush). I have since purchased 2 more of these hair-brushes!
BTW - available in Boots.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 29/06/2013 23:53

Get her to plait it each night. It does save on a fair amount of brushing.

wannabeawallaby · 29/06/2013 23:58

Please don't force her to get her hair cut. My mum did this when I was a kid and I sobbed and sobbed. Was genuinely upset and never understood why she did it.

Your dd will grow out of this phase!

sashh · 30/06/2013 08:09

put it in a pony tail at night and plait the pony tail. In the morning a brush will go through easily.

Once it gets to a 'manky' stage the answer is conditioner.

Put conditioner on dry hair and work it through then comb - this gets out all the tangles before washing.

Wash it standing in the shower with back turned to the shower head and rinse until it squeaks.

cory · 01/07/2013 14:23

The good news is that unless she spends time around much younger children, the risk of nits is much much smaller at this age: there simply aren't as many of them around in secondary schools.

Palika · 01/07/2013 14:32

I have DS with beautiful blond locks who does not wash or brush it enough. We agreed that he has 3 lifes not washing it and then it will all be chopped off. Yesterday was the second life....we'll see when it will all come off.

ll31 · 03/07/2013 17:57

Don't like the threats of cutting it ,surely it's her hair not yours. Sounds v controlling...

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 03/07/2013 22:45

You don't give your DD much of a break do you? Interrogation over her urine soaked towel (yes it's gross.. prob she was trying something weird out..teens do that..and grow out of it) and now threateneing to cut her hair?

She's 13... how do you think a forced haircut will make her feel? No matter how messy..it's HER hair..you don't own rights to it..it's HER body! Nag her to wash it..fine..get a tangle teaser to help comb it..fine... but allow her to be the teen girl she is. Nits are NOT a valid reason to threaten hair cuts either.. they are pretty rare a secondary age anyway.

I think you need help to deal with your own issues.. many people have rank teens (I have had four teens) but most cope without falling apart over a few lies, or towels..or hair... please think before you ruin your relationship with your daughter!

valiumredhead · 04/07/2013 15:31

I agree with medusa-help her,stop being so angry with her. She's normal. Give her a break.

valiumredhead · 04/07/2013 15:42

Actually so what if she gets nits? Bung some Hedrin on her hair and they're gone. Do not cut her hair unless you want her to resent you.

alistron1 · 04/07/2013 21:06

I think that you need to chill out. By 13 I let my kids take charge of their hair/teeth/personal hygiene. Sure, a few gentle reminders might have been given. You sound like you're in her face all the time. Just give her some space.

Travelledtheworld · 04/07/2013 22:11

Scuse me ladies but I have been battling head lice in my 14yo DS's hair for months. Have tried numerous preparations. She is very resistant to using the Nitty Gritty comb.
And she goes to a selective girls only school where 99 % of girls have immaculate styled Hairdo"s.

Butterflywgs · 05/07/2013 21:20

Agree with most of the above posters, you really need to back off or you'll have an adult daughter who doesn't speak to you.

Mabelface · 05/07/2013 23:25

travelled, tell her to use the comb in the shower when she's got loads of conditioner in her hair.

BlueBowTie · 06/07/2013 21:37

Let her keep it quite long but tell her that if she wants too shell have to have a few inches to stop split ends, this should please both you as she'll still have longish hair and her hair will be shorter and more manageable.

mrsmobbs · 07/07/2013 08:59

We have agreed to let out ds take part in a German exchange programme in October. He is 14 going into year 10 in sept and will be doing a gcse in German. He is looking forward to it and we think it will a fab opportunity to make a new friend etc. just a bit concerned as obviously we will have not met the boy or his family and just wanted to hear from anyone who has taken part in this type of thing and read about there experiences and any ideas of how to make it a success

mrsmobbs · 07/07/2013 09:02

Sorry wrong thread

MrsMongoose · 15/07/2013 01:48

Maybe specifically look for some reinforcing shampoo and conditioner? I use a nice loreal one in a black and pink bottle that is designed to stop fragile hair from snapping and falling. I've noticed a big difference in my hair.

TeenAndTween · 15/07/2013 10:59

I see nothing wrong with threatening/making her have it shorter until she looks after it properly.
Yes it is her hair, but she is a child (if she were an adult she would be looking after it).
It's the deal I have with my DDs: They wash/brush hair properly = they decide the length. I have to help wash/brush = I decide the length.