Need advice and help re 13 year old daughter please!

[fiveaday]

I have a lovely daughter who is 13, she is a bright happy girl with lots of friends and a healthy social life. Recently she started going out with a 15 year old boy. He is shy but very polite and friendly. He came to spend the evening watching dvds last night, we have always made her friends welcome in our home as we could not bear her to be one of those children who wanders the streets and hangs outside chip shops!

Well it got later and later and she asked if he could stay the night in the spare room, we said yes and phoned to let his parents know. Everyone went to bed and when I got up today they were both in the same bed!!! I was too shocked to say anything but once he had gone I sat her down and told her I was shocked and thought it was totally wrong. She looked at me as if I was a monster and got upset saying that I was awful to suggest that anything had gone on.She said "god mum, I'm only 13, I hven't even kissed him!" She said she woke up early and went in to talk to him and they both fell asleep again. I do trust her and know that she is in no way ready to even contemplate anything but it still seems wrong to me that they were in bed together. I'm actually really upset and she has said sorry but still doesn't seem to see why it is wrong.
Please let me know if you have been thruogh a similar situation....have I over reacted?

Blimey 5-a day, what a shock!! My DDs are 3 and 5. Please stay around for the next decade, I may need to ask you a couple of questions in a few years....

I think you need to be really careful how you handle this situation, as in my opinion the most important thing with teenagers is to maintain a dialogue with them. Just going ballistic doesn't really help and makes them lie to you = I know because I used to do it with my mum and dad. Obviously no harm was done, so I think an understanding chat - that you know that he is nice, etc, etc but she will probably regret things later on, etc, etc. Tread carefully because you have got to stay friends with her and so many people end up with their children lying to them. Just my opinion, but I know of two children - exactly the same age actually - who are lying terribly to their parents because they know that they will go crazy if they knew they had been snogging.

I would want to know what was going on.

She is sooo blagging you.

I have friends who st 13 were saying exactly the same things to their parents only to find out they were pregnant.

Even I did it " mum, we are only friends, honest" when really we were skiving off to have a bit in the woods.

Just like to say that not all teens have sex on there minds all the time. My ds is now nearly 17.

At 15 he had a lot of girls who would follow him around and most of his friends were female. At that time he was more interested in having a laugh and good time with all his friends and most of the time i had houseful of teenagers. His actual 'girlfriend' at the time was the daughter of close friends of mine and dh. She would come here quite alot but they wouldn't dream of doing anything, especially as i have habit of not knocking before entering his room!

He still has a following of girls and i still have houseful of teens!

When I was 15 I was allowed boyfriends to stay at my house in my bedroom on the sofa-bed, obviously I would get in there too and kiss etc but because my parents trusted me so much and I thought I was worth more than a bit of fun to boys I never slept with anyone till I was well over 16.
But I think it depends on how strong willed a girl is because most boys will keep trying it on again and again! At 13 I wasn't interested in boys so there is obviously a big difference in maturity as others have already said.
13 might be too young for her to be able to control situations properly with a 15 year old boy and so more likely to be talked into things that she may regret later on. It probably also depends on individual personalities, I'm happy I haven't got to face this for a few years yet as dd is only 4!
After all this ranting really I just wanted to let you know that she could easily be telling the truth, because I had chances to have sex but had respected my parents and myself!!