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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Another mixed sleepover

15 replies

fortifiedwithtea · 22/05/2013 21:24

DD is 14. Her best friend is having a sleepover for her (15th) birthday. The group is birthday girl, my DD and one other girl plus 5 boys.

I have said no to staying all night but she can go provided my DH collects her at 1.00am.

DD is not happy and says we are giving her no freedom . I've said I do trust her but I can remember what 15 old boys are like her boyfriend will be there. I haven't actually said BF is a walking bag of hormones but I think it.

Have I been fair? BTW the parents are good friends and I have spoken to them to explain why DD will not be staying overnight. They are confident they are all good kids and nothing will happen. I think they are being too trusting and they sleep 2 floors above where the teens will be. The parents do intend to sleep, not patrol all night.

Anyone got any thoughts on this. Am I being reasonable with compromise or just old fashioned?

OP posts:

fengirl1 · 22/05/2013 21:29

I understand how you feel - when dd1 asked about having a male 'friend' over, I said fine, he could come - but that I would be sleeping on the landing! funny enough, he never stayed

ExcuseTypos · 22/05/2013 21:38

I think you are being very fair. Dd1 never wanted to do mixed sleep overs, but dd2 did.

I didn't let her until she was in 6th form. Lots of her friends were allowed but I always picked her up about 12ish.

I just think 15 is too young.

Original poster

fortifiedwithtea · 22/05/2013 21:48

@ Fengirl. I'll remember that one for when the question arises.

OP posts:

bumpybecky · 22/05/2013 22:22

We had dd1's 15th birthday sleepover last weekend, she wouldn't have been allowed boys, but (thankfully!) she didn't even ask.

I think you're being very reasonable and that the friend's parents are being overly trusting.

MrsSheldon · 22/05/2013 23:44

I would let her. Do you think they would do anything sexual all in front of each other? Also, think of the embarassment of leaving at 1am and the "missing out" upsets.

DevaDiva · 22/05/2013 23:49

Mixed sleepover oh god, can't wait until that one comes up, DD11. I'm with OP it would be a no from me.

Jimalfie · 23/05/2013 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lookingbusy · 23/05/2013 08:59

Do you think they would do anything sexual in front of each other?

Yes, they will. There will be opportunities.

I was no wild child, but thirty years ago in this situation I could and did explore the boundaries so I'm sure they do now.

secretscwirrels · 23/05/2013 16:55

DS1 did lots of mixed sleepovers from 13 onwards. He had a great bunch of friends, boys and girls and they had a great time.
The only time I said no was when he had a girlfriend and she was going too.

Dontwanttobeyourmonkeywrench · 23/05/2013 17:05

DS (15) has been on mixed sleepovers with my friends DD. There's a big group of them always congregate at my friends house and it develops into a sleepover. The boys tend to go into the sitting room with the Xbox and the girls in the other sitting room with crappy romcoms DVD's. My friend and her DH potter about the kitchen between the 2 rooms until her DS (23) lands with his girlfriend and then they take over patrolling. The most they ever got up to was a water fight in the garden in the middle of the night

I completely trust her judgement and we know all the kids and their parents so it's easier to decide because I know that we have similar views. DS has all the freedom in the world but he's not one for taking the piss.

Jimalfie · 23/05/2013 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatishappening1976 · 24/05/2013 21:20

Having the same conversation about my 14yo DD at the moment, really not sure what to do. Her friend is having a mixed sleepover for her 14th birthday and I am really not comfortable with my DD going. Out of all the girls and boys going she is the only one who's boyfriend will also be going.

I trust her, I really do, but I just do not feel comfortable with it.

Also I will not be around the weekend of it, so in the event that anything should happen and she needs me I will not be there. My DH, DD's stepdad, has said that he will take her to her friends and pick her up at midnight, instead of her sleeping over.

A fair compromise????

ninjawomble · 24/05/2013 22:00

Agree with Jimalfie. I have had a long discussion with my DC about this, and they both looked mortified that anything would happen in a group setting. As long as you speak to the parents hosting the party to ascertain sleeping arrangements (I would expect separate rooms for this and for this to be monitored !) and know the others sleeping over (I know which of my DCs friends are trustworthy and which I wouldn't want at an overnight sleepover), then can't see problem. As my DS pointed out, if someone is going to do it, they will find a way anywhere. I thought going to the pictures would be an innocent past-time, but apparently the disabled toilets get a lot of action ! That wouldn't have even crossed my mind, but I am trying to show that if they want to do anything, they will regardless of location. At the end of the day, they could easily go to the bathroom/bedroom during the first few hours of the party as easy as doing something during the "sleepover" part. It all comes down to trust and respect.

lookingbusy · 25/05/2013 09:19

There are lots of children who wouldn't dream of doing anything, but there are children who will dream of doing something. If the parents are definitely in and on the case, I'm sure it would be ok. At that age, I was experimenting a bit at parties. I wouldn't have had sex, for sure. But I did end up getting quite carried away sometimes.

ExcuseTypos · 25/05/2013 09:23

I agree with you lookingbusy

I would be pretty sure my DDs wouldn't have done anything, however I couldn't vouch for everyone else at the party. I therefore wouldn't want to put them in the position of trying to get to sleep whilst two other teenagers are 'experimenting' in the same room.

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