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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 year old taken to hospital after binge drinking

23 replies

mumofthree01 · 18/05/2013 08:31

Hi I am new to this website. emotionally struggling with this one I don;t know what to do.

my 16 year old had his last day at school yesterday. he went out with all his friends. He is normally a sensible lad, never goes out anywhere after school anywhere and on the rare occassions when he goes out with his friends they normally just go to the town centre for a couple of hours during the day and comes straight home. so when he said he wanted to go out with his friends to celebrate finishing school i thought of course he will be fine we did it when we were kids he will be fine. I set the ground rules and off he went.

Then last night I get a phone call off an ambulance man to say they are with him he has drank too much and they are taking him to hospital. he was put on a drip ect and then came home at about 1 this morning. apparently a lad had been going to the shop for them and buying them drinks.

What do i do? Do I punish him? is his hangover enough of a lesson? I don;t want him to rebel and do it again. he starts college in September and we all know what happens at college. I want him to feel that he can phone me if he needs me so if I got mental at him I'm worried he wont phone me if ever he needs me.

feel so guilty I shouldnt of let him out :-(

thank you
from a worried (mentally strugglling with this one) mum

OP posts:

infamouspoo · 18/05/2013 08:40

I would say he got carried away but I would let him sleep it off and then have a long talk with him about how disappointed you are then so scary but informaie googling about alcohol poisoning and death rates. With pictures and scare the living shit out of him.
Emphasise your disappointment and how you'd like to trust him to be sensible rather than going off the deep end. If he's normally a sensible lad he'ds probably feeling ill and a bit of aprat and ashamed at going along with the crowd. We've all done it.
Oh, and make him write an apology letter to the paramedics thanking him for their help and apologising for wasting their time.

infamouspoo · 18/05/2013 08:41

*show scary but informative

no idea what happenend to my typing there

GoblinGranny · 18/05/2013 08:42

You need to let him out, he's going to be an adult soon.
You also need to do the 'You could have died' talk with him, and teach him about sensible drinking. He sounds inexperienced, so he needs to be given some rules about what and how much and who with.
He'll also need the confidence to stop when he's reached his limit, whatever his mates are doing. Who called the ambulance?
I think the majority of us have been paralytic at least once in our lives, and the less used you are to drinking, the harder it hits you.

Original poster

mumofthree01 · 18/05/2013 09:00

Thank you that's why I was worried about how to go about it. cause he is normally sensible. I don't know who called the ambulance just someone in the group. I will get him up in an hour and show him how worried I have been not been able to sleep all night. I watch that 24 hours in a and e and they had a young guy on it who was addicted to alcohol I might show him that to show how bad it can get. honestly they test you don't they. I had an extremely strict upbringing, it wasnt good really got picked on for it , so I dont want to do that to him but then other kids in his class their parents let them do anything and they have house parties ect so I don;t want that either. He hangs around with kids who are let loose. and so trying to find the right balance and still keep him on my side I am finding a bit tough at the moment.

OP posts:

GoblinGranny · 18/05/2013 09:05

parenting is the toughest gig I've ever had!
Is there anyone else you know in real life that could give you some support and guidance with him and his socialising?
You sound like a great parent, but it's always been a minefield that we are tiptoeing through. It's impressive that you've got him to 16 with no major worries. [

potoftea · 18/05/2013 09:07

From experience (our 18 year old son, last summer), he may not have a hangover because the drip will have hydrated him! So don't depend on that to punish him. Very annoying!!!

My son did very similar and once the initial "oh, I'm so sorry I let you and Dad down", had worn off, he was very relaxed about it all; whereas we were still really upset and in shock. So after a few days I did some printing off from the internet about how serious it was, and forced him to read it, which he seemed shocked by.

But overall, you can't be with him all the time, and have to trust him to make the right choices. There is no point in banning alcohol because he will drink behind your back and not feel he could phone you if he was in an unsafe situation.

I would use what happened to point out how very easy it is to drink yourself into danger. How important it is to watch out for your friends, and that yes, he can always phone you if he needs you. I think my son had thought it wouldn't happen to him, because he is too clever and it only happens to idiots; so it was a good wake up call for him to realise he isn't as clever as he thought!

And I regret that we didn't get him to write a thank you card to the people who took care of him. He didn't appreciate that he was using up valuable resources by his own stupidity, and I would like him to be more aware of that.

Timeforabiscuit · 18/05/2013 09:08

Id actually congratulate your son for having friends that stuck around for an ambulance. Nobody wants to be the guy that needed an ambulance called out on them so the social fall out will be shaming enough I should think.

Timeforabiscuit · 18/05/2013 09:09

Oh and it isn't you can certainly give it a helping hand !

noblegiraffe · 18/05/2013 09:15

Yes, if you can find some way to thank the kid who called the ambulance for looking after your DS, that would encourage them to do the right thing in the future.

Original poster

mumofthree01 · 18/05/2013 09:21

Thank you everyone for the advice i am going to get him to write a thank you letter and I'm going to take him to the hospital today to hand it in. I'm going to show him that programme I mentioned I'm going to print off info and hopefully this might give him a bit of a reality check thank you x.

OP posts:

burberryqueen · 18/05/2013 09:28

this happened to my 13 year old but not the drip, just be happy someone called him an ambulance and he didnt pass out under a bush and choke on his own vomit or something.....do not worry, I doubt he will do it again.

flow4 · 18/05/2013 10:36

Just seen this, so I may be too late, but DON'T get him up. If he was ill enough for a drip, he needs to sleep. When he wakes, he needs to rehydrate and replace minerals and vitamins. He will feel like he has a virus for a couple of days.

You need a serious talk with him, of course... But this morning is not the time to do it - you wouldn't try to have an important convo if he had flu, would you?!

GoblinGranny · 18/05/2013 10:45

flow4 · 18/05/2013 14:09

MuchBrighterNow · 18/05/2013 15:45

This happened to me at a similar age not knowing my limits....It was such an awful experience that I have never been drunk very since and to this day can't touch spirits ! You never know it may have put him off for life too

UniqueAndAmazing · 18/05/2013 15:55

yes, agree with everyone that you should have a talk and show stuff that's going to hammer the message home.

but I also think you need to start introducing alcoholic drinks in small quantities, to show that it's not taboo, and that he doesn't have to binge.
I believe that the reason binge drinking is such a problem is because of the crackdown on holding up the laws on drinking.

So, I think the best way to teach a child to drink safely and sensibly is to normalize it: to make it so that it's not a "big thing" that they overdo.

I say offer drinks when eating, r watching a film.
but only offer one each time.
so, when you sit down for dinner, say "what do you want to drink? wine, water, juice?" if he chooses wine, then next time you get a drink, offer something instead "lemonade water juice?"
same with the films: "d'you want a beer/lemonade/coke?" then next time "d'you want a lemonade/coke/juice?"

then it won't feel like rebelling

(i don't know if this works in practice, but my dad used to always offer alcoholic drinks and the first time i binge-drank was at uni)

Helpyourself · 18/05/2013 16:10

I know the 24 hours in A&E episode you mean, and I don't think it's at all relevant, tbh. He is at risk of getting drunk and being injured or killed, and that's what you should emphasise.

purplewithred · 18/05/2013 16:17

Maryz · 18/05/2013 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amumthatcares · 18/05/2013 18:40

When DD was 14 we agreed to her meeting up with a group of friends (boys and girls) at a local park on a Saturday evening and stay at a friends after. This was the first time she had been allowed to do this and I insisted she ring me from her friends landline at 9.30pm to prove she was home (a time mutually agreed). So when the number flashed up on my phone 15 mins early I was chuffed to bits that she had not attempted to push the boundaries - however, it was the mum ringing me to say my DD was paralytic!! The girls had been taken home by a lads dad who had come to help when his son phoned him to say he was worried about her. We went to pick her up and I looked after her all night, worrying she may choke on her own vomit or such like. We left her to nurse her hangover the next day and then had a good long chat with her about the risks etc. We also made her write a letter to the lads dad to apologise and say thank you and I drove her to deliver in personally (quite an embarassing thing for them when they have been seen in such a terrible state)

She never did that again but as she got older we never banned/discouraged her drinking, we just ensured she did it in moderation and knew her own limits.

sashh · 19/05/2013 04:54

If yo can still get it on replay/iplayer there was an episode of ER a week or so ago. Actually it's the last ever ER (quick Google) It may be on you tube

Teenager brought in after drinking and goes into a coma, they know she will live but not how brain damaged she will be.

The Dr dealing with it puts 'HELP' in his daughter's phone and says that if she is ever at a party and drunk/friend is drunk/someone is ill to phone help and he will help, no questions asked. And tells her 6 drinks could kill her.

I wouldn't do the whole big punishment, teenagers not only do not their limits they process alcohol differently so they do feel as drunk as they should (only been one study and deemed unethical to do another).

I would treat this as more of a close shave, an almost dead type thing. If he is drunk again you want him home, not trying to sober up in a park because you will be mad.

flow4 · 19/05/2013 08:55

Yes, I strongly agree with sashh. I spent part of last new year's eve/day on the phone to NHS Direct, talking to a nurse who was helping me assess whether I needed to get my very drunk DS1 to hospital. I would much, much, much sooner I had that opportunity, than rely on a bunch of equally drunk/stoned teens to make the decisions.

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 19/05/2013 09:13

I was that that stupid teenager once op

I was normally pretty sensible, but someone got hold of vodka one night.

My friends rang my older brother who took me straight to the children's hospital. The only memory I have is the nurse telling me I was a nice drunk and me crying on her. My parents must have been so ashamed.

The shame and hangover were enough punishment for me. Normally my dad used to shout, but he didn't speak to me for a week. That was worse than a bollocking.

One thing it did teach me was not to neck drinks, and to make more sensible choices and drink lower strength drinks. I wouldn't think it will turn him into a raging alcoholic. If anything it will put him off for a long time.

I would sit him down and discuss what happened and what the better choice would have been. Then leave it.

If it helps op, I don't mind the odd glass now and again, but I often go weeks without having a drink.

Hopefully you and your DS are feeling better

Flip