Stealing cash

[willybreeder]

So my 15 DS has been caught stealing from his little brother's birthday money stash. He admitted it and whilst I was at it I said that I'd guessed he'd been doing the same and helping himself to my purse as there have been times when i thought so (but did nothing about it -in denial). He just looked at me meaning he knew he was rumbled.
He also got drunk on Friday night with his friend. Im really fed up, stealing's worse then drinking a close 2nd. Any advice welcome!

I had this problem for a couple of years with my DS. As far as I can see, there are only two solutions, short of throwing him out:

• He gets a paid job so he's earning money and isn't tempted to steal;
• You fit a lock on your bedroom door and keep all cash and valuables locked up.

The first option is probably out if your control, and depends on the local job market and your DS's laziness.

I was very resistant to the whole idea of locks, so didn't do that for many, many months. It was a mistake not to do it straight away. He stole over a thousand pounds from me over a year or so, and sold several small items (e.g. digital camera) and it did really serious damage to my trust in him (obviously) and our relationship generally. And I could have stopped most of it, if I'd fitted locks earlier.

Do you know why he's stealing? If he's doing it regularly, he's probably buying skunk or m-cat, which are widely available to 15 yo's. :(

I'm ashamed to say that I stole from my mum when I was about 15 (I'm 34 now and she still tries to give me money)

I'm afraid that it was for weed.

However fwiw, now I have the upmost respect for her, I pay my way and have good qualifications and a good job and good values and morals.

It would have had to have been locked away to prevent me from stealing at that time.

I'm so glad I grew out of that. Took me a few years though.

Sorry I just wanted to add that i did feel bad - but social pressure to be cool was more important to me at that time.

Feel really silly and ashamed about it now

Thanks for sharing that, Thumb - it's reassuring.
I think my DS has also grown out of it - and he's still only 18. But my trust I'm him was so badly damaged that I'm not yet testing it often. I still generally keep my bedroom locked. :(

Yes, keep stuff locked up for while, even another year or two . .

Your relationship will definitely get over this in the long years ahead. That phase is but a distant memory that my mum and I joke about now.

It was £10 here and £20 there but it would have totalled quite a lot before she hid her purse. I'm grateful she has forgiven me, I've also made an effort to make it up to her, but only able to in last few years.

Good luck!

Thanks for replying. Locks will be purchased tomorrow!

Locks, and do not leave things around that he can take. He won't resist temptation if it's there. No unattended handbag, loose change, purse/wallet, cash card.

Re: drinking, where did the alcohol come from? Bought or pinched from parents? Have you implemented a curfew?

He's pushing boundaries, so push back. He won't get his phone topped up or be playing computer games or going out.

In the near future can you or his dad have a long calm talk with DS, there are a lot of pressures on teens to fit in and keep up with their mates, you don't want to drive a wedge between you.

It is a tough balance between being strict with them yet understanding and supportive at the same time.