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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Advice from the fairly strict please

76 replies

membershipcard · 02/05/2013 19:34

We keep our booze in a locked cupboard in the dining room . There is tinned food in there too. Tonight we fancied a tin of rice pudding so DS,14, went to look. He was a while so I went to see what he was doing -- he had drank from the Southern Comfort bottle!!!

We don't make alcohol the forbidden fruit, if he'd asked for a taste he would have been allowed. He is allowed the odd drink on special occasions etc.

He asked a couple of days ago if he could sleep over at a friend's house-a female friend who I haven't met and know nothing about. I haven't agreed/not agreed to this yet but he is really hoping I will let him go.

The big question is do I let him go or do I say NO because he deviously drank the SC???

Please help me!

OP posts:
freddiemisagreatshag · 02/05/2013 19:36

At 14 I wouldn't be letting him sleep over at a girl's house, SC or no SC

I never locked a booze cupboard in my life.

HamletsSister · 02/05/2013 19:38

No locks here and no chance they would dare. I would remove something fairly significant as a punishment. My big thing is don't lie and break my trust or I will be all over you: monitoring online access, supervised computer time and TV etc. It has worked so far.

But, it is not such a big thing if he was caught, confessed and recognised the problem (theft?). Not sure about the girls's house - depends on the circumstances and how her parents would react / their rules.

Original poster
membershipcard · 02/05/2013 19:40

Sorry, should have said, there's a small mixed group of them staying over.

Do you think I'm wrong to lock the 'very full' booze cupboard?

OP posts:
Mynewmoniker · 02/05/2013 19:40

Be careful of letting him think you are clamping down too hard, too fast. He sounds like he's got to the 'negotiating' stage of his life. As a teenager he's going to take risks/chances. Can you remember your teenage years and the risks you took?

Always ask for a phone number of any friend's parents to check they are aware he's been invited. I've known kids tell their parents they are staying at each others and they've ended up staying in a garage...yes a garage for the night!

Drinking the booze doesn't make him an alcoholic. You've let him know he's been caught out, you disapprove and that should be enough for now...if you push it he'll do it in protest.

Hullygully · 02/05/2013 19:42

WHY do you lock the booze cupboard??

Chopchopbusybusy · 02/05/2013 19:42

I'd say no to the sleepover too regardless of anything else.
I do think that keeping alcohol in a locked cupboard is making it forbidden fruit.

freddiemisagreatshag · 02/05/2013 19:42

I never locked a booze cupboard - that makes it temptation in my book. The rule was and is if they wanted it, they asked. They rarely did, tbh, and DS1's penchant was for vile pear cider which I never had anyway.

This mixed group, what's the arrangements for who sleeps where and how well do you know the parents?

WishIdbeenatigermum · 02/05/2013 19:42

Locking it in a cupboard is making it forbidden fruit! Hmm

Mynewmoniker · 02/05/2013 19:43

Why are you locking the booze cupboard? Is there someone else you don't trust to leave to alone? You need to show him you trust him and you accept he's growing up.

Original poster
membershipcard · 02/05/2013 19:43

How old are your children hamlet?

Dd wouldn't have dared but ds is VERY different.

OP posts:
Mynewmoniker · 02/05/2013 19:43

'IT' alone not 'to' Hmm

freddiemisagreatshag · 02/05/2013 19:44

If he wants it, he'll get it. Your cupboard being locked is neither here nor there, and in my opinion sends the wrong message.

WishIdbeenatigermum · 02/05/2013 19:47

Re the sleepover- you don't know the girl, but who is she? School friend? Gf of friend. I let dd have a mixed group stay over- strictly in the living room in sleeping bags and I was very much in evidence. Parents called me first and I assured them I would be very present.

Original poster
membershipcard · 02/05/2013 19:49

The booze cupboard is locked because he is home alone each evening for an hour and we didn't want to put temptation in his way. But perhaps we ate wrong.

The mixed sleep over hadn't really bothered me as DS is physically very immature. I was more concerned because I don't know the girl or her mum.

Hmm perhaps I've got it all wrong . It was soo much easier when he was a toddler Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
membershipcard · 02/05/2013 19:50

ARE wrong.

Not

ATE wrong

OP posts:
MsBuzz · 02/05/2013 19:51

Check the details with the girl's parent/s. At 14 yrs old my ds told me he was staying at a friends, the friend told her parent she was staying at mine and it turned out they were both at a third friend's house drinking cheap lager, yuk.
Don't worry about him taking a swig from the SC - worry if he drinks the whole bottle. Can't you remember trying the contents of your parents booze cupboard - I can, and I've never really enjoyed drinking alcohol since. Trying it doesn't make you an alcoholic.

HamletsSister · 02/05/2013 19:52

Children are 11 and 13. They know that we trust them and that trust, once broken, is hard to replace. However, I am a teacher (of teenagers) so not naive. Most of our friends have children the same age / older and no problems at all. We all have full booze cupboards and the kids are all aware of it. My children have tasted alcohol and the older one would have more but I can't see it being stolen as the chance to share in it would be lost.

Original poster
membershipcard · 02/05/2013 19:56

If I tell DH when he gets home it will be a big issue and he will not be allowed at the sleepover!

OP posts:
Hullygully · 02/05/2013 20:35

But don't you just discuss with them and say no booze?

Mine wouldn't nick booze and we have shedloads.

freddiemisagreatshag · 02/05/2013 20:36

What Hully said.

KristinaM · 02/05/2013 20:42

We don't lock our booze but we don't have much .DD 13 has been offered a Taste many times but she hates it . We make sure to offer her vile things such as whiskey and not cider or white wine.SC sounds good choice .

Last time she tasted some alcohol she was sick later so she has connected the two , which is great

I woudl allow the sleepover as long as I'd check with the other Parenst .if they seemed like normal people

I think we are very strict compared to most families.

usualsuspect · 02/05/2013 20:45

He only had a swig.

I would have just laughed tbh.

usualsuspect · 02/05/2013 20:47

I would allow the sleepover after checking with the parents.

BIWI · 02/05/2013 20:49

Locking up your booze is really weird and is bound to make it much more appealing to your teens. If it's readily available it is much less attractive.

mrscog · 02/05/2013 20:51

I do lock my booze cupboard but its so my 14 month old can't access it! I wouldn't make a big deal of the swigging, just make it clear it's not acceptable, and tell him to ask if he fancies a taste.