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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is he too young???

15 replies

chubbymomie2012 · 24/04/2013 20:02

My Ds1 is 13 (January) he has come home from school and asked if he can go to a "friends" house on Saturday. It transpires this is a Girlfriend. I think he is too young. I said she could come here or I would take them into town and they could get a burger. He seems unwilling to compromise. Do you think I'm being unreasonable. I think allowing him to go to her house sets a precedent at such a young age. How old did ur DS's start with girls. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 24/04/2013 20:05

I am assuming going to her house at the weekend is no different to going to yours though surely? At least, not from the girls pov.

I wouldn't say he is too young to have a girlfriend tbh - I remember having a boyfriend at that age. Too young for spending excessive amounts of time on their own together, but I wouldn't count one day at a weekend excessive personally. And too young for staying over, etc. but that's not happening in this situation anyway.

seeker · 24/04/2013 20:05

So- it's OK for her to come to your house, but not for him to go to hers? What's that about?

Original poster

chubbymomie2012 · 24/04/2013 20:13

I realise that sounds wired! But I can keep an eye on them if they are here. I don't know her mother so I have no idea how supervised they will be

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 24/04/2013 20:16

Do you not think her parents would want to meet their DD's boyfriend before they let her go out with him/round to his house?

Bowlersarm · 24/04/2013 20:18

And to answer one of your questions my DS1 was 13 when he started meeting up with girlfriends. DS2 now past that age and not interested in girls yet.

Original poster

chubbymomie2012 · 24/04/2013 20:25

That's why I'm worried Bowlersarm (well one of the reasons) her mum doesn't mind if she comes here. It's just my ds said he doesn't want his brothers (x2) and sister (x1) annoying them!

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 24/04/2013 20:27

Setting a precedent for what?

I bet he's unwilling to compromise, because the girls mother is just like you and won't let her DD go to your house, or into town with your DS unsupervised.

usualsuspect · 24/04/2013 20:29

Let him go.

exexpat · 24/04/2013 20:33

Do I understand correctly that he is just wanting to go round to her house for a bit on Saturday, not stay overnight, go to rowdy party etc? What on earth is wrong with that? Unless you have reason too believe they are likely to be alone in the house and the 13yo girl is going to pounce on him and seduce him .

I have a 14yo DS and I would be fine with that - I would have been when he was 13 too.

bigTillyMint · 24/04/2013 20:35

DD is 13, her bf is 14 (both Y9) He regularly comes round here, in the same way that one of her (girl)friends would. We are in the house when he comes.
I would be happy for her to go to his too as long as his mum (who we have met) was in.

Bowlersarm · 24/04/2013 20:40

It's tricky to advise really OP. Except to point out that he is a teenager and has begun to be interested in girls, so you need to lay down some ground rules, police it a bit, try and trust him, and hope for the best. Now might be the time for THE chat!

In our case DS1's first meeting with his first girlfriend was at our house- her mum who didn't know him or us at all, just dropped her off without coming in! I felt very responsible for the girlfriend being in my care and that anything untoward shouldn't happen, but I just ruled that they weren't to be in his bedroom, and tried not to spy on them all time.

They went out for about 7 months but only met up about a half a dozen times-it can be pretty non-committal at that age.

Jimalfie · 26/04/2013 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

secretscwirrels · 26/04/2013 10:30

DS1 was 13 when he shyly asked me whether he would be allowed to have a girlfriend. I said yes. DS2 is 15 and not there yet.
Having a girlfriend at 13 was great for DS1. He learned a lot about how to talk to girls and it was good for his confidence. We had The Talk, and again at regular intervals.They were together over a year until it fizzled out.
He is 17 now and the girl in question is now is best friend.
It is difficult when you don't know the parents, but at 13 I would treat it similarly to a male friendship where you don't know the parents.

chocoluvva · 26/04/2013 12:17

IME most 13YOs now have several short-lived BF/GF's With my DD and her friends this seemed to involve holding hands and giving each other hugs. From the age of 14/15 'going out' with someone became more like our idea of having a BF/GF.

I wouldn't worry about it :)

BackforGood · 26/04/2013 23:17

I'd like to hope my dc all continue to have friends who are girls and friends who are boys, and know they are welcome to invite their friends here, or go round to spend time at their friends houses, whatever age they are.
It's a couple of hours on a Saturday - what are you expecting to happen ? It's not like he's talking about a sleepover or an alcohol fuelled party.

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