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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Calling parents of 14/15 yr old boys!! Advice wanted re: going out

27 replies

directoroflegacy · 08/04/2013 18:08

DS is 15 in May - every school holidays we have the same 'argument' re: going out with his friends, in that he doesn't.
He says he texts them but they don't reply (am reading between the lines here!)
He does alot of extra curricular stuff - scouts, St Johns, volunteering, rugby but not socializing.
So is it-
a) he is so tired during term time he doesn't want to do anything?
b) speaking to friends is easy nowadays with FB, Skype, they don't NEED to physically meet up - this is his view and I agree up to a point
c) he is Billy no mates
Sad
So does yr ds go out?
I appreciate that this isn't the worst problem (if indeed it is one) we could have with a teen but any advice would be gratefully received!

OP posts:
chocolatespiders · 08/04/2013 18:12

I have not got a son but dd-15 hardly goes out with people her own age at all.. Her best friend moved to Australia a few months ago and she is like a lost lamb Sad
So far this holiday she has been out on her bike alone 3 times once with her sister-9. Been to watch local football team with me and dd-9. She did meet a girl yesterday as the sun was shinning which always helps. But she is happy to stay in her room talking on facetime to Australia.

Bowlersarm · 08/04/2013 18:17

Mine is the same. He has no interest in seeing friends. Not interested in girls yet (although not such a bad thing), no hobbies as such. Popular enough at school but no interest in socialising. I assume it will change when he's older

Original poster
directoroflegacy · 08/04/2013 19:13

Ok, so he's not the only one atm!
I do know that in a short space of time this will prob end up you can't go out, you've got no money/ too much hwk etc!!

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 08/04/2013 19:25

It is a tricky one isn't it because you want your children happy, busy, popular and enjoying life. My DS like this, is happy and enjoying life but just wants to be at home and not out!

My eldest DS is the opposite and is out all time and easily bored if at home. Which shows, i suppose, that it is down to the child not the upbringing. Youngest DS is a mixture of the two.

At least your DS has hobbies and interests which he'll be able to expand on over time - my 14 year old DS has none.

lljkk · 08/04/2013 19:31

Mine dragged me to Games Workshop yesterday. Hmm Just because he wanted company (I could tell).

But hey ho, at least he was out.

Kids who don't go out much are usually cheaper to run. Something to be pleased about.

Ambergold · 08/04/2013 20:20

My DS is 16 and has a busy life with cadets, evenings and weekends away, but only has one or two friends he sees in town during the holidays. He is happy on xbox live thingy chatting to friends and being with us on days out etc. I use to worry about him not socializing... but he's happy doing what he's doing and really I'm happy knowing he's safe at home So If I was you I wouldn't worry too much.

webwiz · 08/04/2013 20:29

DS (16) doesn't really do much socialising during the holidays but I don't really worry about it as he needs a bit of "alone" time after a busy term to recharge his batteries.

Chrissy60 · 08/04/2013 21:47

My son is 16 and is same, happy in school, doing well and appears to have friends in school. After school/holidays, hardly ever goes out, chats on Facebook. Been out once this holiday! Other than that been in on Xbox, watching movies and has done some revision. I think he would like to have more friends but for whatever reason it's not happening yet. It worries me a lot but the more of these posts I read the more I am beginning to think it is a common thing. I would be happier if he had more of a social life, but he is very self conscious, bit reserved as well so don't think it helps him making friends. Just hoping with age/bit more confidence he will come out of his shell.

Original poster
directoroflegacy · 08/04/2013 22:49

Thanks for all the reassuring replies!
I know it all takes time!

OP posts:
angelinawatchout · 08/04/2013 23:01

I have a 15 year old son and have exactly the same problem. However my ds doesn't have any other interests - has tried lots of things like learning guitar, scouts ( when he was younger), golf etc and he hasn't stuck at anything! He now plays computer games almost 24/7 and rarely goes out with friends (although I hear him laughing and joking with friends online). He says he is happy but I am afraid I am not. Feel very frustrated and powerless to change things always ends in an argument when i try to restrict the use. Reading comments here I realise I am not alone which is very sad. I would be ecstatic if he did other activities so I wouldn't worry. Like others I hope it will change as he matures and again like others I take comfort in the fact that he is not out drinking, drug taking which some boys he knows are doing. What happened to good old fashioned youth clubs?!!

Sugarice · 09/04/2013 09:18

My ds2-15 has one close mate and a few others who he goes out with occasionally.

He's not like ds1-17 who's a social animal and won't stay in the house if he an option to meet up with his friends, some of whom now drive, that's another issue altogether!

If your ds seems happy and content with his own company I wouldn't worry too much, ds2 also fb's his mates all of the time.

He'll find his own pace.

Cloudminnow · 09/04/2013 09:34

My DS 14 is just the same - happy at school and in life in general, but prefers being at home to going out socialising. I make him go to weekly youth club, but his chosen form of socialising is talking for hours on skype. He says all his friends are the same ... It just seems to be what makes him happy at the moment. OP I think your options a and b are the reasons why, especially as he does lots of other things. I am watching this thread with interest.

MuchBrighterNow · 09/04/2013 11:02

I think its an age thing.
My ds17 is very sociable now, but wasn't at 14/15. My other ds14 avoids being sociable when at home even though he is happy at school. Friends often phone up and inviting him places and he always wants me to make excuses for him.

secretscwirrels · 09/04/2013 11:10

Same here DS1 17 and DS2 15 rarely go out but both happy.

JenaiMorris · 09/04/2013 11:13

He's younger (not 13 for another six months) but if it wasn't for one mate in particular ds wouldn't go out much either. Even then it's to each other's houses - they're allowed to go into town and things but it doesn't occur to them.

He has scouts and youth club and I'd like him to join cadets next year to get him out of the house but impromptu meeting up doesn't often occur to him.

JenaiMorris · 09/04/2013 11:17

Just looked at a random selection of threads here on Teenagers and every other one is someone worried about their teen never leaving the house. It seems quite normal Grin

justcrazy · 09/04/2013 11:32

Pleased I came across this thread was only thinking yesterday about DS lack of socialising. Pleased to hear he is 'normal' and yay a friend came calling this morning and they are both upstairs on the Xbox

moonabove · 09/04/2013 13:49

My ds is the same but without all the activities your ds does OP - I've had to massively lean on him just to go to a music club for an hour a week!

As others have mentioned there are a lot of these type of threads so whatever else it is, it is normal. Thank gawd for Mumsnet as otherwise I would probably be really worried.

When he was younger it was easy for me to organise getting together with friends but now he's going to have to learn to do that for himself. Despite how grown up they can seem, especially in looks, they are still very young and finding their feet in a confusing world.

Original poster
directoroflegacy · 09/04/2013 15:33

I am getting more reassured with each post!

My DS is happy & this is the most important thing!!

OP posts:
Startail · 09/04/2013 15:45

DD1 (15) likes a break from school and the people she sees day in day out. If possible she meets up with her BF, who lives a fair way off and goes to a different school. Else she face times her and goes out with us and her sister.

DD2 (12) misses her school friends and mates from primary and sees as much as possible of them in the holidays.

Moans like a proper teen about going places/ doing things with parents and DD1, but I suspect, actually has fun.

Startail · 09/04/2013 15:47

BF = best friend, it's perfectly possible at 15 she'd be meeting a boy friend. I guess that will come all to soon.

DD2 has had a couple of very very short lived ones.

Cheecheemonkey · 09/04/2013 21:05

You can't force these things. If they're already members of various clubs then they're already getting out and about and socialising. There is, IMO too much worry and emphasis on "socialising" and this unfortunately starts from when they start crawling or even before. As adults we have the choice of when or even if we wish to socialise, and with whom. Some people are naturally quieter and prefer their own company and some love the company of others and never stay in. I say, let them be who they are as long as they're safe and happy!

Luckytwo · 10/04/2013 09:58

Oh I am so glad to read this. My son is 14, and doesn't go out very often either. On the one hand I'm happy he's not up to bad behaviour, but I feel he is isolating himself. He seems to be popular enough, and he also seems to be happy (says he is anyway), plays in a lot of music bands through school, so maybe when it's the holidays he's just plain exhausted.

He's my youngest and not like my older ones who I couldn't keep track of most of the time.

Original poster
directoroflegacy · 10/04/2013 20:56

I felt a bit 'guilty' putting this thread up as so many parents have the opposite problem!
And yes, you're right CheeChee it's just part of their natural development.

OP posts:
Jimalfie · 15/04/2013 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.