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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

devastating news for dd(19) [shock]

24 replies

crkm · 25/02/2013 19:32

DD told today that she will be unable to have children - she has no oestrogen and way too much FSH - her womb is ok - so she could have ivf with donor eggs! she is devastated. Sad she will also need to take HRT as lack of oestrogen can affect her bones etc. she seems so young to deal with this news. how do i support her in this? has anyone dealt with this?

OP posts:
Shybairns · 25/02/2013 19:35

No advice but just to say I'm sorry she's having to cope with something so hard. She may need counselling at some point in the future in order to cope with it?

HanBreakTurn · 25/02/2013 19:41

Medicine advances so fast now. Look at what they can do now, that they couldn't 10 years ago. I only hope that they find something that will work for her in the future. I guess you just have to be there for her, and expect her to feel down, or even change personality. I don't imagine the shock will have sunk in yet. But please make sure to take the time to look after yourself too, you must feel devastated too.

crushedintherush · 25/02/2013 19:50

Aw ckrm, feel so much for your daughter, awful news.

Wish there was something I could help with but I don't have any experience with this type of infertility but and Thanks to you both.

hanbreak is right though, medicine is advancing, so hopefully in a few years, there will be a cureSmile

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 25/02/2013 19:54

For what it's worth a friend in the same position has just given birth to her baby girl from a donor egg...

Don't give up hope but in the meantime from here too

Happiestinwellybobs · 25/02/2013 20:06

Difficult news to hear at any age (I was told the same when I was 30) but at so young, very much so. Who knows what developments may be made in the next few years, and there are still options open to your DD. egg donation for one, and (as I chose) adoption as another.

Sending as cannot imagine hearing this news when I was that age.

Original poster
crkm · 25/02/2013 20:47

many thanks to you all - its lovely to get a good vibe and virtual hugs - and positive words. She has gone to her boyfriends tonight to have a heart to heart. have found a support group on line - so will connect with them. thank you all xx

OP posts:
BlatantLies · 25/02/2013 20:51

Gosh, what a sad thing for your DD and your family. I haven't any advice but just wanted to wish you all the best. [bunch]

Can you store eggs for her? (sorry if daft suggestion)

BlatantLies · 25/02/2013 20:52

Oops meant Thanks

mumalot · 26/02/2013 00:34

I know this won't seem like much comfort to her (or you) now but she will at least be able to plan her future parenthood around this - she will be able to be a Mum one way or another even if she cannot conceive because you and she will make it happen and she knows what she is dealing with. My friend just had her first baby with a donor egg at 44 and her little boy is 100% hers in every way but she went through 15 years of struggle and heartache before arriving at that option. Your DD knows upfront what she is dealing with so she will not waste years trying to convince the NHS she should qualify for help or the adoption agencies that adoption is not Plan B. We all know that in retrospect being a Mum starts when you first hold your child, not when you conceive a baby. Your DD will be a Mum one day and when she is she will be brilliant at it. Grin

wonkylegs · 26/02/2013 00:50

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 19. I know it's not the same but in terms of shock it was a massive one and an awful lot to come to terms with as it was life changing.
I went to a counsellor to talk it through - it really helped as really she just listen to me impartially and steered through my feelings and what it meant to me. It was a great process that i would highly recommend. I went to the one through uni but my GP also offered to refer me. In addition to this I would have loved to have had a family member who I could talk to and actually mainly just be there for me.

BreadForMyBREADGUN · 26/02/2013 01:13

What mumalot said. Lovely post.

cory · 26/02/2013 13:51

Very hard for you both now, but what mumalot said is true, though your dd may not have thought about it.

Gymbob · 26/02/2013 18:00

what a shock for you both big hugs. mumalots post is fab x x

Original poster
crkm · 26/02/2013 18:13

the dr mentioned sibling egg donation - but as my other daughter is just 7 - thats so far in the future it is not really going to be a possibilty - but could I donate my eggs? I know that at 39 I am too old for egg donation - but was wondering if an exception would be made for the circumstances -

sorry i know this isnt the right forum for this query - just rambling to my self lol!!

OP posts:
lljkk · 01/03/2013 18:56

You are older than advised for donor eggs, but it would be up to your DD to reject your eggs. I have heard of mothers donating for their Turner's Syndrome DDs.

May I be nosy & ask how she found out? Was she having period difficulties?

thewhistler · 01/03/2013 19:04

My friend was told exactly this at 16. Got married at 24. Two years later baby 1 arrived naturally, although they were prepared to go down the donor egg route. 4 years after that baby 2 arrived, naturally.

Tell her she will have children if she wants them, one way or another. And that surprising things do occasionally happen.

ChristineDaae · 01/03/2013 19:14

So sorry for your DD. awful news at any age, but so young!

summer111 · 01/03/2013 22:38

My sister had a similar diagnosis when she was early twenties. She was advised to try for a family straight away but without a long term partner, this wasn't an option. However she is now the proud mum of a gorgeous little girl from egg donation. re you donating eggs, myself and my sister both donated to little sis when we were 35 and 39 - I think as long as the recipient is willing to take from an older donor, this is possible.

wishing your dd the best of luck Smile

fostermumtomany · 19/03/2013 03:01

ok first let me say how sorry I am for your daughter and you.
now let me inject some hope into your life!
at 21 years of age, after being with my boyfriend since I was 16, I had suffered 5 miscarriages. a barrage of tests was done and I was told I would never ever carry a baby to full term, that all my pregnancies would result in "spontaneous abortion" (I hate that term), well I was heartbroken. all I had ever wanted to be was a mum. I literally felt like my whole reason for being had been taken away. I was told I had such severe endometriosis that no embryo could survive in my womb, if in fact I managed to conceive at all. I was told that my best bet would be to have a total hysterectomy. I refused and im bloody glad I did as I am now mum to 3 kids of my own, conceived naturally I might add. I was told I was clinically infertile with low levels of this and too much of that and it just wasn't possible. HAH to them I say.
while its devastating, I know it is, please tell her to not give up hope.
10 months after that last appointment where I was told to have the hysterectomy, I gave birth to my son who is now 15, 2 years later I had my daughter and after another 2 years I had my youngest daughter. they don't always get it right, and even if they do how do they know that it wont happen? they are not able to see the future, please please don't give up hope xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Magdalena45 · 20/03/2013 22:53

It must be awful, but having such a caring mum will help!

TheEasterQODdy · 20/03/2013 22:56

Surrogacy for me, seems to be getting much more frequent/commonplace nowadays

Poor girl

Original poster
crkm · 23/03/2013 21:07

fostermumtomany - thank you so much for your positive message. I will show this to my DD - she really needs to know that all is not necessarily lost! Initially you tend to hang onto the doctors every word - it is a huge relief to hear that miracles do happen and women in this position have concieved naturally. thank you.

OP posts:
Potterer · 26/03/2013 18:50

So sorry for your daughter. Like foster I was diagnosed with endometriosis not even 1 year into my marriage.

After shed loads of drugs & surgery I was told I would probably need IVF. I have since seen my medical records & what he actually wrote to my GP was "her prospects for having a baby are grave"

I was pregnant 2 weeks after that surgery.

As part of the "treatment" for endometriosis I had to take drugs & HRT at 27 years old. It was hard but I knew the reasons behind it.

I found counselling really helpful to talk through how my life had gone from married & planning a future with children to the prospect of never having my own.

Dh was my rock & support, even if it is just an ear to moan to.

syl1985 · 03/04/2013 02:29

That's very sad news.

Just be there for her. Support her anyway you can.

It's hard, but not the end of the world. There're still ways for her to have a child. It's harder then it normally would be. But not impossible.

In time things might change. Healthcare is getting better and better.
Look at the changes they've made for to help people to become pregnant.
Look at the situation now and 10 or 20 years ago.

A world of difference and that's only continuing. The professionals are getting better and better all the time.

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