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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

so how would you punish this one?

20 replies

headlesslambrini · 15/02/2013 18:57

DS is in year 9 and he brought his report home tonight to help him make decisions over his options. I started reading through it and was thinking brilliant, fantastic, fab, wow etc over the comments which he was getting especially in subjects which doesn't come naturally to him. Then I get to PE and it says that it's a shame that he hasn't been able to participate in the lessons. Now I thinking WTF are they going on about?

It turns out that he has written a letter from me to get him out of PE due to him hurting his leg Hmm Now I was hoping to give him a treat but now think I have to punish him. He has had a really tough time this year with FB bullying going. He said that he did it because he gets bullied in PE, reading between the lines I think it's in the changing rooms. Do I tell the school? What type of punishment? I need advice please.

OP posts:
Cornycabernet · 15/02/2013 19:01

If he's done this because he's being bullied I would sit down and talk to him to find out exactly what's happening. Is it very out of character for him?

Original poster
headlesslambrini · 15/02/2013 19:04

yes and no - I've caught him forging my signature in his homework diary but he said that he forgot to ask me to do it and didn't want to get a detention. We talked about this at the time and I thought he understood but tonight when I checked he had done it again but in pencil so that he could rub it out before I saw it.

OP posts:
Flojobunny · 15/02/2013 19:04

I wouldn't punish him, I would sit down and talk to him and talk to the school and try and sort it.
Also, would reward him for the other subjects. My parents used to give me a quid per good subject, therefore rewarding good behaviour without punishing bad.

HappyAsASandboy · 15/02/2013 19:05

I wouldn't punish him. I did exactly the same Grin

Start of year 9, which is a new school in our system, a friend wrote a get-out letter for me and I wrote one for her. Repeat as necessary (I.e for any lessons that are outdoors during cold weather, not swimming, etc). Writing is same for every letter, and PE teachers don't ever see students writing. Sorted until end of year 11, after which PE not compulsory.

I tell him it's not on and he will probably get caught. Then turn a blind eye. Unless you want him to be sporty or he is not getting any other exercise.

kirstys23 · 15/02/2013 19:07

I wouldn't tell the school. If he is getting glowing reports in all other classes then this isn't a case of him just trying to skive or being badly behaved. The changing rooms can be a cruel place, he must be getting a really hard time if he has had to resort to forging a note from you. If you are going to speak to the school it should be to report the kids who are making your son miserable. He hasn't gained anything from not going to P.E, so I wouldn't punish him. I think a long talk to find out exactly what is going on is what is needed.

Floralnomad · 15/02/2013 19:12

I wouldn't punish and I wouldn't tell the school , but then I also never stressed when mine forged my signature in HW diaries. I'd talk to him about his reasons and probably write him another letter for next term. As long as he gets some physical activity outside of school it wouldn't bother me and if its improved his life then good on him .

Original poster
headlesslambrini · 15/02/2013 19:33

thanks for the responses. Have just been talking to DH about it as he's home now. He says the same really. Am not bothered at all about the HW diary as he has actually been doing his homework but just not getting it signed. I'm am also going to make sure that I ask for it each week to try to avoid this happening again.

Am a little worried about missing PE as he is not sporty and doesn't do anything outside of school at the moment. He isn't overweight at all but it more about fitness sometimes rather than weight isn't it!

We are going to sit him down to try to get to what is actually happening in PE and if it is something in the changing rooms then I might see if he can get changed somewhere else instead.

OP posts:
DeafLeopard · 15/02/2013 19:34

Another one saying I wouldn't punish either. I used to hate PE - not the activity, but a changing room full of nasty teens is horrible. If he does some other form of exercise outside of school I would let this one pass.

He's obviously doing well in the important subjects, which would be what mattered most to me.

eatyourveg · 15/02/2013 19:36

I wouldn't punish but I would tell the school so that they can address the bullying issue

noddyholder · 15/02/2013 19:37

I did that all through school!

flow4 · 16/02/2013 01:06

Yes, me too!

I was a girly swot, and always did my homework, but regularly forgot to get my parents to sign my diary. I soon learned to forge my dad's squiggle!

And as for PE... Well, I used to hide in the loos until after the games coach had gone (we had off-site playing fields) and I reckon my period came every fortnight or so!

TheNebulousBoojum · 16/02/2013 05:47

School need to know, PE changing rooms were a major issue for my DS and they used to let him change in the toilets, or in the equipment store.

marthabear · 16/02/2013 15:04

Poor lad.
The PE issue obviously is very troubling to him. He needs you on side. You can discuss how you feel about the signature forging whilst still being on side and having his trust. Lots of empathy needed. He'll remember, and your understanding now may well pay off during the remainder of the difficult teen years.
Good luck.

ratbagcatbag · 16/02/2013 15:08

Missed loads of pe through doing this, have a fab job and somewhat enjoy excercise now if its something I pick. I would ignore it to be fair, unless he wants to be a pe teacher it's not going to cause massive issues.

Astelia · 16/02/2013 15:14

Another vote for not worrying about the HW diary as he is doing his homework.

I wouldn't tell the school about the forged note for PE but I would contact them about the bullying and worries to do with using the changing rooms. If they are not made aware of it they can't do anything about it. Also others may be suffering in silence so it needs looking into and sorting out.

Magdalena45 · 16/02/2013 19:39

I would tell school what's happening, and about the note, if school is supportive generally because I think they should understand and so he didn't worry they'd find out. I would not punish him, it won't help and he is probably already v upset. I'd just carry on supporting him so he knows he can tell you next time.

amillionyears · 16/02/2013 19:47

Have you had a talk with him?

Original poster
headlesslambrini · 16/02/2013 20:07

thanks for all the responses. We have spoken to him and he missed an activity today. Not going to tell the school about the letter but I am going to ask if he can get changed in the toilets or somewhere else. apparently another boy get changes in the disabled loo so hopefully they will allow him to as well.

OP posts:
Footface · 16/02/2013 20:59

Poor lad, I hated pe. It ruined my whole education because I would bunk off. Meaning I had at least two days off school a week.

At least he's doing we'll in other areas

ivykaty44 · 16/02/2013 23:52

I would sit down and chat with him about doing some type of sport outside of school to make up for the pe he has missed

If you can find something that he might enjoy it may add grea fly to his coincidence, there are many more sports out there than just the school pe sports which are mostly team sports and very traditional

Table tennis
Cycling club
Running club
Athletics club
Wall climbing
Golf
Ice skating
Karate
Judo
Water polo
Badminton
Tennis
Cross county skiing on wheels
MTV biking
Squash

There are plenty out there that don't have to cost a fortune

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