totally disengaged

[DopamineHit]

13yo son totally disengaged from the world. Not super-bright but not stupid, just can't be bothered to use his brain. Does absolute bare minimum school work. When he's not allowed on the X-box and not down the park kicking a ball around has absolutely no idea what to do with himself. We've tried loads of things without any real success. Has very little general knowledge as he never reads anything. Has no real hobbies. We've tried taking the horse to water but this one won't drink a drop. He's not unpleasant - he's a nice kid, but how do you get them to grow up a bit and engage with the world? Any advice very welcome.

Well, I don't think it's possible to 'get' them to grow up and engage - I think they have to find their way there themselves, like you say you've already tried leading him and it hasn't worked. I have a similar problem with my ds, also 13. I'm always trying to get him to try things and when he was younger he would go, seemingly enjoy, then have had enough after a short while and now he just refuses to even give any new thing a try.

BUT...he loves art, graphic novels, comedy, films and film-making, photography and I am finally learning to accept that as long as he's happy and secure that should be good enough for me at this point.

At least yours goes to the park and kicks a ball - mine refuses even that little bit of exercise! Seriously tho', it does show that your ds enjoys football and enjoys engaging in the challenges that x-box games offer and that should be helping to keep his brain fairly nimble. My advice is to try to accept him as he is for the moment, as long as he's not going off the rails. 13/14/15 seems to be a funny time for boys, I posted on another thread here re teens that never want to socialise and there's a number of similar posts on there from parents of this age male.

I'm in a similar predicament although mine does love his bike and will go out when friends call (but won't make effort himself much to call for them very much). However since we have had snow he goes out with friends early and doesn't come home for hours.

I agree it is a funny time for them. Mine is quite bright but needs to be pushed and same as OP very little general knowledge and never reads despite several attempts by me. He used to read when little.
I think we just need to ride it out but that doesn't stop me worrying about where he will end up.
Sorry I cant offer much except to say I feel like I am in the same boat!

Maybe he's just not ready yet?