where do i begin

[tinkerbelllisa]

I will try and keep this as short as possible. D(?)S is 16 and has been awful for the past 3 years (possibly more) - His father and i are divorced and have been since he was 2. He has changed his mind about who he wants to live with more than once so may not have had continuity in his homelife. Anyway he has been arrested and charged for assaulting his father between Xmas and NY (i found this out on my birthday a few days ago). He is now going to court the week after next. (not his first appearance) His dad is feeling bad about reporting it and wants to withdraw his statement. As much as I don't want him too,as I think DS will think he can get away with anything, I can understand how he feels. DS is not in education having dropped out of school and college and doesn't seem that keen in looking for work - he thinks there is no point until we see what happens in court. All DS wants to do is sleep all day,play on his PC and stay out all night with his mates (there are probably drugs and drink involved sometimes)
Any advice much appreciated - sorry I just needed to get it all off of my chest
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You need MaryZ. She has an excellent thread running to support parents with teenagers.

Sorry - how do I find MaryZ's thread - i am new to this !

Me too I think it might be in the Topic Parenting. I'll go check.

Oh dear...this is a very sad situation and I am sorry for you. I think in your case though (and I'm also divorced, with teens) I would say firmly to dad 'You must not withdraw your statement. DS is too old to go round assaulting people - and it is about time he faced up to things. Having to go to court will show him that there are consequences to his behaviour'. And I would let it go through. I think you also (both) need to set rules at your homes for a 16 yo. Whoever he is living with he should have a routine - not just be allowed to stay in bed all day, go out all night and do nothing other than play computer games. I would be certainly expecting him to do chores around the house in return for his board and lodge - not lie in bed all day.

Yes. It's in the same topic you posted in. Scroll down from yours. It's called MaryZ's thread.

Sorry you are going thru this, my first thought is how does he get money to pay for his bad habits?

thanks!

So sorry for you.
I think that his dad needs to stand by his statement. Ds needs to learn he can't get away with it. It may not be someone so sympathetic next time.

Also he needs some kind of productive routine. He needs some consistent help with it as he's not going to do it himself.

You need to ask him what he thinks he will be doing in twelve months time. It may help to concentrate his mind.

Yes where is his cash coming from?

Why isn't there an education officer involved? No exams?

So sorry you are dealing with this OP. It sounds very stressfull.

If he was violent and assaulted him it's important that he learns there are consequences. If he gets away with it this time , next time it could be far worse.

It sounds like he's using the no point in looking for work etc. till after he's been to court manipulatively in order perhaps to get his dad to drop the charges. It would go better for him in court if he could say he had a job/ college course.

Come and join us on Maryz thread... you are not alone in coping with an extremely difficult teen.

Tinker - poor you. This must be very hard for you and your DS' dad, too. You are by no means alone in having had this happen to your family - I hope that helps in some small way.

If your DS gets involved with the youth offending service, you might find that he gets help, support, training opportunities and you and your family some level of support and reassurance.

16 is so young - time to turn things round. And, yes, Maryz's thread is excellent.

Hi
Thanks all - I will join Maryz thread - if my laptop does not keep freezing on me
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