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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS and sex

22 replies

MyWorldofMadness · 26/12/2012 14:24

I have recently found out my 18yr old DS has been having sex with his girlfriend. She has just turned 16 (month and a bit ago)
I found part of the condom wrapper
What would you do?

OP posts:

SomebodySaveMe · 26/12/2012 14:25

Nothing. They're both legal and using protection.

Fairylea · 26/12/2012 14:26

Err nothing. They are both consenting adults. As long as they are being respectful in your home (ie not having noisy sex ?)

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 26/12/2012 14:26

Nothing. Why would you?

AgentProvocateur · 26/12/2012 14:35

Nothing. Why do you think you should do something?

TheNebulousBoojum · 26/12/2012 14:44

What sort of a man is he, one who is planning on being in a relationship with another human being, or is he a trophy hunter?
What exactly are you worried or bothered about?

Original poster

MyWorldofMadness · 26/12/2012 16:36

They've been together over 6 months but he didn't tell me when they started going out
I feel uncomfortable with it. She is very young

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 26/12/2012 16:39

I would be glad that they are using condoms. I can understand your concern but they are above the age of consent.

icovetthee · 26/12/2012 16:45

Nothing. They are both of legal age and he's an adult, he doesn't have to tell you who he sees. Be thankful they are practising safe sex.

Startail · 26/12/2012 16:46

You smile sweetly and remind him where the bin is!

Or if your my Dmum you tell a joke that makes it very clear you found my cap. She must have checked we were being careful. She knew we slept together, she used to bring us breakfast in bed.

(We were a bit older and both had student flats).

Nothing explicit was ever said beyond the fact that we were both happy the other knew.

I'm very old always using a condom was not the norm.

bonhomiee · 27/12/2012 22:32

I think OP means they may have been having sex when she was 15 and a half ?

NatashaBee · 27/12/2012 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StackOverflow · 27/12/2012 22:51

If you're my DM you'll wait for them to disappear into his room together, give it some ten minutes so that you can be reasonably certain the action has started, then burst in without knocking and helpfully suggest that there is a box of condoms in the bathroom cabinet if they need them.

On the other hand, if you have any interest at all in ever seeing one of his girlfriends again before they're engaged, I'd recommend keeping schtum.

EuroShagmore · 27/12/2012 22:58

They're 18 and 16 year old bundles of hormones. Did you think they were flower arranging when they spent time together?

At least they are being careful.

drownangels · 28/12/2012 11:29

I would make sure that he knows how to use a condom correctly, eg pushing it to the side of the packet when opening etc. I would say that I know he probably know but just checking!

I would also be giving him info about where you get the MAP from free of charge -just in case.

strumpetpumpkin · 28/12/2012 11:35

what on earth were you thinking they were doing??

TheOneWithTheHair · 28/12/2012 11:37

Don't think there's anything you can do and as pp have said, at least they're being careful.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 28/12/2012 11:47

I wouldn't do anything

They've had sex education which has obviously done its job if they are using condoms. You should be proud of that.

Now just leave it. Any conversation will be forced and awkward, and you may well push him to trying to hide it more by doing it outside or away from you. He would also probably be very offended if you suggested he is having sex with someone too young - she is 16, and these days, that is a respectable age. It's also the age of consent, so they are doing nothing wrong.

I don't think anything needs to be said.

OhMerGerd · 28/12/2012 13:33

I get where you're coming from OP. She could be my DD! She is just turned 16 and in the throes of first love with boy almost 18. She is very young.

Yes it may be legal and they may be aware of the biology with hormones raging but there is more to sex than the physical act. We're not talking about dogs on heat. There are societal factors and emotional matters to consider. We've been parenting and supporting them through milestones from teething and weening to menstruation and exams - these years 15- 18 are some of the toughest for teenagers - and while first sexual experiences are not a milestone we are going to be sharing we still need to think like parents and be ready to support and guide them through what can be one of the most defining periods in their lives. I think it would be unusual not to have some anxiety.

So what to do?

Sounds like you have a good relationship with your DS and at least he feels comfortable in his own home.

As the mumm of a DD- I'd be grateful if the mother of my DD's boyfriend made her feel welcome and safe at his home. My DH and I are making sure that ours feel happy to be here rather than out on some park bench. If they are going to have sex it'll be nicer for them if it's in a comfortable and clean environment. And if they are at 'home' , there is a domesticity and warmth(family and all that) which will put the physical act into a context that is healthy and respectful and loving.

Access to condoms is also appreciated. Your DS sounds sorted but you'd not want them to ever be caught short.

As to the rest, keep on doing what it sounds like you've always been doing. Be there and keep talking. First loves rarely last and when the break ups come DS will take great comfort in the consistency of your level headed and loving parenting.

usualsuspect3 · 28/12/2012 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NamingOfParts · 28/12/2012 18:48

Posted this also on another thread. Make sure he knows exactly what the contraceptive reliability rates mean:

97% reliable means that 3 women in 100 or 1 in 33 using that method will get 100% pregnant within a year

Condoms are between 85 & 98% reliable (or between 2 and 15 women in 100 will get 100% pregnant within a year)

Also make sure he has talked with his girlfriend about what they will do if they have a contraceptive failure.

After that it is up to them.

Wrongtrousers67 · 01/01/2013 00:21

New on here but I wonder if anyone can give me any advice. Our 14 year old daughter takes for ever to get to sleep, often still awake at 11.30 or later. The problem we're facing I think is that she's heard us making love in the past and has worked herself up about it to the point that her anxiety about mum and dad 'doing it' is what's preventing her getting to sleep. I've talked to her about it and she's confirmed that this is the issue...but I don't know what to do next. I feel really uncomfortable making love if I think she's awake, and as she's awake all the time this means I'm living with one extremely grumpy and frustrated husband! Has anyone ad a similar problem?

drownangels · 01/01/2013 23:13

wrongtrousers I suggest that you start a new thread about your problem.
You may get posts from people who wouldn't have responed to the OP

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