how old were yours when you stopped ringing the other parents for an overnight stay?

[tharsheblows]

That's it really: how old were your kids when you stopped ringing / emailing the parents before an overnight stay? I generally still do unless he stays there all the time (14 yo son) but am having sudden angst that I'm being all pfb.

DS is 14, and I have rarely had any contact with parents before sleepovers for the past year or so, whether it's him going to a friend's or having people over here. The boys just sort it all out themselves now.

I still do for DS (nearly 13). My DP's eldest is 15 and he doesn't generally ring her friends' parents to check when she says she's sleeping over somewhere. I do wonder whether she always is where she says she is though - would be very easy for her not to be as she could be fairly confident her dad won't check.

I would have thought you'd be OK as long as you at least have some means of contacting the parents if you need to though

I always have the phone number of where DD age 14 is staying and one of us drops her off so we know where she is. I don't always speak to the parents or know the parents now though. Things have definitely relaxed over the past 18 months.

We live in the sticks so generally have to take and pick up. From about 15 / 16 I would just drop and drive though.

14

Probably just when you should start!!

It really depends on your DC and the 'history'. I stopped expecting to speak to parents at about 14-15. I always asked for an address and contact number other than his mobile. About a year later, I caught DS out in a lie, and with hindsight discovered other lies had been told, and he hadn't always been where he'd told me. :(

Around 16-17, his behaviour was far riskier than it had been at 14, and I really felt I needed to know where he was, but it had become much more difficult. After a couple of 'phone convos with 2 other concerned mums, we felt able to check with each other sometimes... But unfortunately, where teens choose to go is often exactly where there are no adults 'keeping an eye' on them.

Oh thanks! I think now is a good time to start. We're in London, so no pickups or dropoffs but I do have the other parents' numbers and emails from the class list. I think I'll leave it that I might ring the other parents to check but, in general, won't actually do it.

I do make sure with him that the other parents actually know they're coming after that time they were going to show up at someone's house and then ask if it was ok if they stayed for the night. They're like overgrown puppies. Lovable but big and somewhat clueless sometimes.

Flow4 - crossposted. That's excellent to know and I'll keep it in mind over the next couple of years. There are a couple of his friends' parents that I know well enough(ish) to do that with. They know people I don't (none of his friends live around here, whereas there are pockets of people elsewhere) so it would help.

Thanks.

Ddtwins aged 14, not dss, but I still insist on some contact with an adult before allowing a sleepover, whether here or elsewhere. They've got 'form' for arranging these things without consultation on very inconvenient nights.

I make sure mine know that I'm going to thank the parents when next I see them (and I see most of ds's at rugby matches and some of dd's at school pickup occasionally).

The fact that I might thank a parent for an overnighter that either didn't happen or wasn't allowed is enough to keep dd honest (I'm pretty sure). ds2 is 14 and I wouldn't have him going to a mixed sleepover yet, or to a sleepover with a parent I didn't know at all without checking.

I wish that still worked... It did until DSs got to high school MaryZ, but not after: their HS has 1500 kids and a catchment area of around 30 square miles... So no chance of ever meeting most of their new friends' parents!

I haven't since Primary school.