Routine dental/medical checks

[NotaDisneyMum]

When should I start backing off and letting DD have her medical/dental check ups alone?

I wouldn't just abandon her, I'd be in the waiting room, and chat to Dr/Dentist if needed - but I just can't remember how old I was when I went into the surgery/treatment room alone?

DD would quite happily do this now (she's 12) but if not now, then when is old enough?

Personally, I think 12 is still too young, they are still minors! However, if your 12 yr old is very mature and confident and it is just a routine check up, then I guess it's ok. The professional will call you in if there is anything specific to talk about. I think I'd feel better about this with routine dental but not so with medical. Anyway, we only do medical if there is a problem, so I always need to be there! My ds15 I would offer to let him go in on his own if he wanted to but would encourage him to do the talking etc if he wanted me there. Hope this is some help?

Ds1 is 16 and has just been to the dentist on his own but I took him there myself or he wouldn't bother to show up. I made him ring me to let me know he was ok after and he could sign the form himself.

He's not often ill but he had cause to go to the dr recently (first time since 11yo I think). He didn't want to go on his own so I went with him. I suppose he'll let me know when he's ready.

I suppose I wondered because if DD did go to the Dr on her own even now, she would probably be considered "Gillick competent" and so would be entitled to a level of confidentiality - so perhaps its time to begin to teach her those skills?

My dd is 14. When she had an appointment recently I asked her if she wanted me to go in with her and she said yes. I think she didn't feel 100% confident about dealing with an adult she had never met before in a situation that was not familiar to her. Entirely understandable IMO.

Dd1 is 12 and has gone in dental hygienist & opticians with me in the waiting room. I had dd2/3 and I'm on crutches so it gives everyone more space. They call me in/ come out it they need anything. Think she would still want me in other stuff at the moment

How much confidentiality is considered appropriate for a 12 yr old I wonder? Unless there are specific issues in which case of course you may have your reasons for acknowledging your dd's need. I have only just stopped stalking carefully monitoring my ds15 on facebook and certainly still keep an eye on dd 11 on what she watches on youtube etc. I know these are different issues entirely but none the less, it's a question of realising that they are children and there's plenty of time to give them the independence they need as and when they are mature enough to handle it. (Re ds15 and facebook, actually it was a while ago I went anywhere near it but I do still regularly talk to him about the pitfalls and the need for sensible, mature use of it by means of monitoring how he is handlingit/behaving on it.)

How much confidentiality is considered appropriate for a 12 yr old I wonder?

Regardless of how much we as parents may consider appropriate, the reality is that society treats very young teens as emotionally mature and able to think through the consequences of their choices. Schools, courts, medical professionals will routinely exclude parents of teens from life-changing choices at the request of the teen.

Should I prepare my DD for that by supporting her while I can, or try and avoid it, risking her not being prepared when/if she finds herself in that situation.

I have always gone into the dental surgery with DS. There is a sofa in the room to sit on, so not standing around like a spare part. The conversation always went on between DS & the dentist, but i always had to sign the medical update form about whether he was on any medication or not and then sign the forms at the desk for his treatment. Last time he went he was 2 weeks off his 16th birthday and the dentist actually said to DS "you can come by yourself next time as you can sign your own forms".

DS rarely goes to the doctors, although last time he went, DD had an appt too, so we all went in together. I let DS do the talking, but there were things he forgot to say/ask - even though he had written it down (and it wasn't because I was there - it was nothing embarrassing). He is not that confident in these situations, so I think it depends how mature and confident your DC is and what they are going in for - I don't think a male GP would examine a young girls chest without a chaperone so it would probably be best if you went in under those circumstances.

I think it depends on the child, but definitely older than 12. If she is confidant enough to express herself properly then I would say 14 for a routine dental appointment but I would go along and be available in case there was any concern.
Doctors, older.
I still go with DS1 who is almost 17, I try to let him do the talking and only speak if he wants me to (we have to go regularly about his acne). He is not confident at speaking up and I am trying to make him do stuff that he is uncomfortable with.

Well, children are supposed to be 'mature' enough to watch a whole load of c**p on dvd, gaming and so on that supposedly comes into age appropriate certification. I for one make my own judgements about that and I think we all have to follow our gut instinct for our dc with regards to this issue of confidentiality/maturity with dentists, doctors and so on. I guess personally, I am just a little sceptical about how society treats our young teens as emotionally mature, it can backfire!

My dd is 15 and if she needs to go to the doctor then I go with her but wait while she goes in on her own. I do the same for the dentist.