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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

lazy teen

17 replies

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 02/12/2012 15:44

Have written before some time ago...things are no different, probably worse.

My DS almost 15 does nothing apart from go to school. No interests, goes out very occasionally, would stay on xbox day and night, I'm not happy with that. I do make suggestions re hobbies/interests, but no interest.

What should I do? Leave him to make his own entertainment (minus xbox) and stop nagging..or keep nagging (so he hates me more) hoping he might turn a corner?

OP posts:

dinosaurrawwr · 02/12/2012 16:41

Jut leave him be. I don't have any interests and I'm fine. If you make him do something he won't like he'll hate you for it.

chickydoo · 02/12/2012 16:45

I have your sons twin.
My teen does less than nothing. Xbox and that's it. No hobbies at all. It is so frustrating, keep telling mine he is wasting his life!
I have decided to back off with the nagging and see what happens.
will keep you posted

alemci · 02/12/2012 16:54

my ds is like that and aged 15. he does go to explorers once a week. His friend is here now and they are on the PS3.

He does chat to me and is quite pleasant so I try not to stress out too much.

He has elder sisters who nearly drove me mad so I do tend to be more relaxed with him.

RudolphsNoseInMyXmasStocking · 02/12/2012 16:57

Dd2(15) is the same, although 'has' to complete a couple of volunteering and skills things for Duke of Edinburgh, so she will be at an afterschool club for a couple of hours, and now goes to archery once a week (so long as one of her mates is going). As soon as she's put in the required hours, that'll be it. Lots of time spent on homework and watching films on her laptop. She is a lovely girl though - doesn't seem to have entered that tunnel of sulky adolescence with the same vengeance that some others have! I count my blessings with her

Original poster

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 02/12/2012 18:03

Thank you all for your replies...

I guess I'm just worried he will miss out socially, you know, when everyone has a group based on a common interest. Maybe because I never had interests, and still at the ripe old age of 51 have few friends (although I'm very sociable) I don't want the same for him, I just want him to enjoy his life and not waste it like you say chickydoo...my anxieties are driving me insane

OP posts:

ptangyangkipperbang · 02/12/2012 18:09

At least you know where he is and who he's with which counts for a lot.

Leafmould · 03/12/2012 22:51

I thought this was going to be more of a 'never does his schoolwork, homework or chores' teenager from the thread title. Does he do those things? Does he organise himself to get to school on time? If so, he is not lazy, just disengaged, and as long as there is not an underlying self esteem or mental health problem which is preventing him from pursuing a social life, then perhaps you could stop worrying.

Original poster

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 04/12/2012 00:36

Leafmould...no..his school work is bare minimum and chores are non existant...and yes I di think there are some self esteem issues there. Problem is he won't discuss anything with me. Can you suggest something? I am a single parent..father is useless and no other male role model. I am concerned about him but at a loss as what to do.

OP posts:

Leafmould · 06/12/2012 20:24

A friend who does pastoral at school tells me that she does lots of specific work to help with kids with low self esteem. Have you spoken to the person in charge of the pastoral care of your son in school?

Does your council have an emotional well being team?

If these things sound too formal, then it sounds like he would benefit from some kind of mentoring: peer mentoring at school? Informal mentoring by a trusted friend?
Your situation does sound tough, and it is not your fault that he finds it hard to open up to you. But I think you would both benefit from him having some positive input from someone else as well.

Good luck.

Floralnomad · 06/12/2012 20:32

Leave him alone and stop worrying about it . My DS was like that at 15 , he never really fitted in at school etc and had no outside interests. After GCSE's he changed schools and everything slotted into place he got himself a part time job , started going out with friends and completely changed. He's now 19 has uni friends , work friends and keeps in contact with his old school friends . I rarely see him ,he still plays on his Xbox and computer and a couple of times a week he slots me in for what he calls ' social time' where we sit and watch something on TV together. Perhaps your DS would like a change of scenery after GCSE'S ?

musicposy · 07/12/2012 10:51

Be grateful that he's cheap to keep

My DDs do a ridiculous amount of hobbies which means a) I spend half my life in the car ferrying them about and b) I spend the other half working to pay for it. DH and I dream of a day we can spend some time and money on ourselves.

I have many moments when I think that a teen who sits in their bedroom all day on a games console would be bliss.

Leafmould · 07/12/2012 20:36

Floral nomad: well done to your son if he managed to get good enough grades for uni if he did the bare minimum of work like the op's son.

Music posy: your choices. Do your dd's have self esteem issues? If not, then I think it's a bit insensitive to tell op to be grateful for her lot. She has concerns about her son and is asking for suggestions.

Floralnomad · 07/12/2012 21:58

leafmould yes my son got very good GCSEs and A levels on the minimum of work and has also had a pretty successful first year at uni with limited effort . For his English A level he never even finished reading one of the books . He's lucky that he's bright enough to get away with it although inevitably will come unstuck eventually . Also like the OPs son he does no chores at home but that's my fault not his as I've never asked him to .

Leafmould · 08/12/2012 00:00

Floral nomad That's good for him that he has managed to achieve well, despite things not looking so great before. It is encouraging to remember that young people can pull the rabbit out of the hat.

I am sure we are all aware that we can't expect the same to happen for every young person.

Floralnomad · 08/12/2012 00:10

I agree its not the same for everyone but the point I was making was that perhaps the OPs son has deeper issues than being lazy and a change of school might enable him to fit in better. My DS loves having a social life now so probably would have liked one at 15 but didn't want to admit it ,preferring to stay home on his consoles and computers. I think there can be very few young people who truly prefer their own company to going out with a friend, most teens want to just fit in .

musicposy · 08/12/2012 13:03

leafmould I was only meaning to be lighthearted. It certainly wasn't meant to be insensitive in any way.

On a more serious note, my DBro was exactly like this. My mum found it a shock after Dsis and I had so many hobbies. I don't think it is necessarily a self esteem thing or I wouldn't have been jokey about it - I just think it's how some teens are, maybe particularly boys. After years in holed up his bedroom doing nothing but playing on the Amstrad (before the days of x box) DBro emerged into a perfectly sociable adult and is now married. Unless he seems unhappy in other ways I would probably just wait for him to turn that corner. :)

happygolucky0 · 10/12/2012 11:59

It is difficult but if you want him to reduce the time spent on the xbox then you can always agree with him a more reasonable amount of time.
I too am a single parent to DS15 a couple of years ago I was concerned that he doesn't have any males around so got him involved in the local youth club. He still goes once a week on a Fri eve. He also has a volunteer job but he doesn't go very often unless I push him. Tbh he has a girlfriend now and life is all about her.
I think if he seem happy enough then leave him to do what he enjoys. I wish I could go back a couple of years to the days when he was sitting on the xbox. Now I worry as he gets the bus 6 miles in the dark to be with girlfriend

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