aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggg!!!! [ a dead chick too far]

[brighterfuture]

Ds1 17 is having a massive dope comedown, depression , hormonal teen. Dh has escaped with dd to find some normality. House is a total tip because I have been working all day and noone has cleared up. I also am a messy tip because I've been working outside in a dirty environment.....

Final straw 2 very well turned out mums with their 2 Ds's just arrived to drop them off for a 2 day stay with my ds214. I do vaguely remember him asking me if his friends could come over in the holidays but my brain is so full of other things I pushed it aside. I am sure I never agreed to 2 days.... As I am making polite conversation with immaculate mummys I notice dead chick dd8 has left on the kitchen table

I should have said no but ds 2 has had such a crap time lately because of his brother's behaviour and its rare for him to invite friends. We also live quite remotely so they'd driven a fair way.

Am now defrosting burgers, hoping Ds 1 will not explode again, and can keep it under control and wondering

a) how I can keep our dysfunctional mayhem under control for the next 2 days without collapsing from the stress of it all
b) How do other families retain normality for their dc when one sibling has really challenging behaviour
c)what the fuck am i going to feed them all.....

My dp shared a room with his brother very close in age.

One brother is a policeman and vehemently anti drugs.

The other had all sorts if problems with drugs and eventually was thrown out of home.

Same parents, same upbringing, same school.

Not have a go at somebody who truly finds casual disablism that directly affects them when they call them on it?

THAT would show that she has truly taken on board just how offensive somebody with epilepsy might find it.

If somebody finds something that offensive, they will more than likely post without reading any further.

As I did.

To then tell me to 'lay off' because she is having a hard time makes it obvious that her apology was not 'heartfelt' but simply because Tutt had called her on it, and she wasn't truly bothered that someone else might be very offended by it.

An apology because you have been called on something without the thought and meaning behind it isn't a real apology.

Which makes the comment doubly offensive.

Couthy I think you are being too harsh personally.

She didn't know what it could mean, said sorry and has said she won't use that word again.

Tutt, nobody's perfect, count youself lucky your kids have no problems with drugs and move on, they had or will comeback with other problems and then you will want the sympathy you are denying to the OP.

My mother used to be very smug about her perfect children and judgemental of other people's children. The real truth about our perfection was that we never confided on her, when we had problems we used to talk them through with other people ie. the parents of close friends, other relatives and other adults we respected in our lives. It still makes my blood boil to hear her take the credit.

PickledFanjoCat - do you have epilepsy? If not, who are you to say how offended I am allowed to be about something that directly affects me?

That's unfair couthy.

And yes, I WAS so offended that I reported it for casual disablism, hence the removal of the offensive word.

HOW is that unfair? Disablist comments like that directly affect me, they offend and upset me. If you are not directly affected by disablist comments on a daily basis, how can you say that my reaction is unfair?

I'm not saying you don't have the right to be offended, and I'm glad the word is gone.

I am saying as the op didn't know what it meant and has promised not to use it again and said sorry I think she can't really do that much more.

See point 2.

Op has learned this is not a word to be used.

Coulthy, I have a child with multiple health problems and a disability and feel sometimes frustrated at the ignorance of other people, but she didn't know what the term meant and she has apologised, leave her alone.

It's attitudes like this, that casual disablism doesn't matter, and people who get these comments daily should just brush them off, that leads me to feel that I can't go outside because nobody gives a shit about how it makes people WITH those conditions feel.

Like I'm not allowed to get upset when someone casually drops pejorative words into their general conversation when it directly affects me. Like I'm the one in the wrong for it upsetting me and offending me.

It was the fact that she had a go at me for being offended that pissed me off the most.

Who the HELL has a go at a disabled person being offended by a disablist comment that directly affects and upsets them?!

No one is saying it dosent matter are they?

Who is?

Op was pulled up, apologised, word deleted and not to be used again.

If it was a racist word I would be saying the same couthy honestly.

Some people genuinely don't realise connotations behind words.

Um, I thought this thread was about brighter and her worries about her DS? People who have teenagers have come on here to be helpful on the whole, but it has now been derailed.

She has apologised for god's sake.
And you are hijacking her thread.

Op good luck.

Couthy, I know you are having a bad day, but I think you should hide this thread now. I'd say the op probably has, as she is also obviously having a tough time.

Continuing to argue helps no-one.

Couthy,
This thread isn't about you.
The op said sorry and I believe that she didn't know that it is an offensive, disablist term.
Now she knows.
I have suffered from epilepsy and feel qualified to suggest you build a bridge and get over it (the comment, not epilepsy).

Couthy it was not clear you had epilepsy or any disability from the post that op responded to

The OP is having a very tough time but couthy has made the thread all about her and her many tales of woe...hurrah!

Wordfactory, that's as bad as Coulty's posts.

The OP has sent me a PM explaining that she was flippant because she thought I had seen her apology and ignored it.

I have replied and apologised for being so cross about that, and explained that when you are using the App on an iPhone (as I am due to my joint issues meaning it's easier to type on a touch screen and my laptop being broken), you only see around 10 posts per page, so to me, her apology wasn't even on the first page.

Misunderstanding cleared up, one less offended Couthy, one slightly less irritated OP.

Ok?

And WordFactory - piss orf.

Well i for one would really like to hear an update on how brighter OP is getting on with the guests.

I hate to be dim but I don't know what wordfactory meant.