aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggg!!!! [ a dead chick too far]

[brighterfuture]

Ds1 17 is having a massive dope comedown, depression , hormonal teen. Dh has escaped with dd to find some normality. House is a total tip because I have been working all day and noone has cleared up. I also am a messy tip because I've been working outside in a dirty environment.....

Final straw 2 very well turned out mums with their 2 Ds's just arrived to drop them off for a 2 day stay with my ds214. I do vaguely remember him asking me if his friends could come over in the holidays but my brain is so full of other things I pushed it aside. I am sure I never agreed to 2 days.... As I am making polite conversation with immaculate mummys I notice dead chick dd8 has left on the kitchen table

I should have said no but ds 2 has had such a crap time lately because of his brother's behaviour and its rare for him to invite friends. We also live quite remotely so they'd driven a fair way.

Am now defrosting burgers, hoping Ds 1 will not explode again, and can keep it under control and wondering

a) how I can keep our dysfunctional mayhem under control for the next 2 days without collapsing from the stress of it all
b) How do other families retain normality for their dc when one sibling has really challenging behaviour
c)what the fuck am i going to feed them all.....

spakling having lots of younger boys around does seem to be helping. He's even joined in and is running round outside with them all playing airsoft

I think there's normal horible teenager behaviour which is pretty vile but bearable. Some kids however just deal with growing up in a crazy way , get into bad habits, make bad choices and become a supreme challenge. Until you've lived it you can't know how you'd react.

Tuttut, I'm sighing because of the number of people who are absolutely sure what they would do - until it actually happens, when they have to rethink. Just like people knowing for sure they won't have faddy eaters, or non-sleepers, until they actually have babies.

It is much to simplistic to say "this is 100% definite what I would do" when you aren't in that situation.

brighter, come and join me here [hsmile]

I hoped it might brighter I had visions of Nerf Wars. Perhaps he can be a bit younger for a bit. I doubt he wants to show himself up in front of the guests.

My DB was a major challenge in his teens it was horrible. You wouldn't know it now, but at the time I wondered if my parents would make it out the other side with him.

Yes Sparkling I do!

They aren't interested in drug taking, they don't smoke and they don't go out and get pissed on cheap cider in the park!

DS1 is more interested in eating healthily, training in the gym and going running. He spends hours and hours doing his homework. He is desperated to be an Army Officer and won't let anything get in his way.

That is how he is, driven and motivated! I can't help it, sorry!

I have heard that kids who don't rebel as teenagers tend to have more midlife crises and that a bit of teenage rebellion is part of the process of growing up [throws contentious bone out into the fray]
I was a model child in my teens but made up for it in my 20's , luckily for my dp I had already left home.

Don't apologise Tutt just enjoy your perfect idyll.

DS1 is 13 he goes out to the park and I believe he isn't smoking, taking drugs or drinking cider (cheap or otherwise). He plays for three football teams so it is in his interests not to.

However, he hates doing homework and that is a constant battle and he has no idea what he wants to do when he leaves school. I take each day as it comes because they can and do change. I have seen it.

Tutt - why would you come on a thread where people are talking about having problems with teens just to bang on about how perfect yours is?

I sincerely hope it lasts but you are coming across a bit smug here.

Sparkling it is not an idyll it is fact!

I am under no illusion that I have been incredibly lucky with my teens. They go to a very, very good school and have a good circle of friends of like minded teens.

DS1 will be 18 in around 6 weeks, so I don't think he is going to all of a sudden decide not to do his homework, or start smoking weed, when he is this close to his A levels and his dream of joining the Army! He goes out with his friends, has 3 or 4 drinks and comes home a little bit tipsy but not drunk. He is mature and wise beyond his years, and is incredibly intelligent. I have never had to tell him to do his homework, or chivvy him along , that is how he is made! I cannot help it!

DS2 is almost 16. He is studying for his GCSEs and unsure if he wants to be a Doctor or a nurse at the moment, so he is spending a lot of time revising and working because he wants to keep his options open. I am disabled, and most of his 'spare' time is spent with me. He is very protective of me. If he goes out he goes to his friends' houses, or they come here.

I don't know why we haven't had the strops and the door slamming etc, but we haven't and we are very lucky.

I don't know what you want me to say Tutt. Maybe start a thread of your own in the 'Perfect Teenagers' topic?

Good idea sparkling.

Why why why would anyone come on this thread to go on a out their perfect teens?

I'll have to change a bit smug to a LOT smug now.

I'm fighting through a smug smog!

My DS is 15. He smokes and drinks, I have no idea how much because he chose to live with his grandparents when he was 13. I know he smokes, I can't tell him not to because I smoke. However I have told him I'd rather he didn't smoke weed because it will affect his mental health when he is older. I only ever tried cannabis once and fell asleep so never saw the attraction.

I deal with people with drug and alcohol problems and have done some training in this field, so he knows what I'm talking about.

I am very lucky that he is rebelling at his grandparents and I get to see the calmer version. He tells me everything including his first experience with a girl.

Teenagers are rebellious because they are finding their feet.

I didn't come on to say how perfect my teens are! I said right at the beginning of the thread what I would have to do if they were taking lots of drugs and bringing them home and why. I was accused of being patronising, so I explained a bit further. Sparkling asked a question, I answered, she accused me of having an idyll I told her it was fact!

I have the utmost sympathy for the OP and Mary. I said that further up the thread. I know how lucky I am with my boys, they are not perfect at all. I am not smug, you have no idea what goes on in my house. This thread was about drugs. My boys wouldn't touch them because they know the implications, just like their friends!

Tuttut - that's got to be one of the most spectacularly unhelpful posts I've seen in a long while. I second Sparkling's advice to start your own thread elsewhere.

That was in response to your post from 10.59 although your last one isn't much better either.

Accused it a bit strong Tutt. I consider myself told then.

Tell us the ways in which your teens aren't perfect though.

Oh get lost Tut. You are being smug and patronising, whether you think so or not. You have no idea what you would actually do if one of your perfect-so-far teenagers became an addict. You really don't - you can't, because you are so certain in your belief that it would never happen, so you haven't really thought through what you might have to do, the compromises you might have to make.

I thought my kids wouldn't touch drugs because they know the implications. ds1 was the fittest, most athletic, healthiest child going. He was very anti-smoking and anti-drugs. He knew the consequences, he said he would never get involved.

Until the day he tried dope and found it calmed his anxiety. And it all went downhill from there.

You are lucky, you know you are lucky. I really hope you stay lucky.

My younger two are very anti-drugs having watched ds1. But I'm not stupid enough to assume they would never get involved. As parents we can never be 100% sure.

OP, it's really rather rude to say something insulting and disablist on a thread, be rude to somebody who is directly affected by that comment when called up on it, saying that because you are having a hard time, I should 'lay off' and not be offended. Do you not think that someone like me who has epilepsy might be having a hard time too, and often BECAUSE of people making ill thought out disablist comments.

And then to ignore the fact that I have a right to be offended by a disablist comment that directly affects me is even ruder.

Did you mean to be so rude?

MaryZ, she does know what she'd do, she'd kick them out.
Because she would prioritise her husband's job over the safety and support of her child.

Despite the fact that the younger of the two appears to qualify as a young carer.

Actually Cowthy I think its rather rude of you to have not accepted the heartfelt explanation and apology that I made as soon as my ignorance over the word I used was pointed out to me.

When reading your OP, I got as far as that word. It offended me. Therefore I had not seen any apology at the point that I posted that I found that incredibly offensive. Which I do.

I then went back to read the rest of the thread. By the time I got onto the second page, you were telling me that I 'shouldn't have a go' because you are having a hard time.

I found that EVEN MORE offensive. You weren't really sorry, because you decided that because you were having a hard time, nobody should call you out on casual disablism, or even post that they find that offensive, even if it is a pejorative word used against me often.

And you think that isn't rude?

I tried to give you a bit of hope by explaining to you that even heavy dope smokers can come out the other side, most I knew slowed right down by their early 20's.

But the fact still remains that you weren't really sorry that you had used an offensive word, because otherwise you wouldn't have had a go at someone who genuinely found it offensive. And that IS rude.

I posted my first post BEFORE I had even finished reading your whole OP. THAT'S how offensive I find that word.

Yet I was still willing to go back, finish reading your OP, and try to reassure you that even the most heavy dope smokers can give up, and that your family IS normal.

Ha ha! My ddad (rip) told me with great pride many times that none of his younger children - the ones he had with my stepmother and who all lived at home until their mid 20s - had ever gone near drugs. Well, I happen to know better... One of them (now 29) still uses regularly. Ddad had no clue.

Honestly, it is really unbelievably dense and insulting to imply that parents whose teenagers use drugs are somehow not as good at parenting as wot you are .

Couthy, the OP has apologised. What else should she do?

OP sorry for all your troubles. My teens are ok so far but when I see posts like yours I always think "there but for the grace of god" rather than "didn't I do well?"
We also live in quite a remote area so friends sleeping over is more common than friends popping round as it reduces the parental driving. Could you shop online for some easy junk food, crisps pizzas and snacks? In my experience 14 year old boys aren't too bothered what the food is as long as there is plenty!