New boyfriend

[smileymiles]

Hi
My daughter is 15 and will be turning 16 next week. She has been seeing a boy as a friend and has now announced him as her boyfriend (he is 2 years older than her). She has asked whether he can come round to the house to hang out on a week night around 7pm for a couple of hours (she has up til now been going out to meet him, telling me that they are spending time in the park). I am happy for this to happen but my partner (stepdad) doesn't think that she should be seeing friends etc on weeknights due to her school work and should only do things at weekends. Also he doesn't want to give up the front room for them to use on a weeknight, although he is willing to do this at a weekend, as he doesn't want to feel uncomfortable in his own home. I and my daughter don't really want him to go to her bedroom and I feel the situation is ridiculous as I would prefer to meet this boy and to have my daughter at home where I know she is safe. Any advice?

I haven't got dc, let alone teenage ones but from experience, I would say, let him come round to the house, if not she will only go out to see him and may not be totally honest about where she's going (speaks from experience).

I feel more comfortable when partners get to know my family, dp gets on great with my mum, brother and sisters and it's the most comfortable I've ever felt at home. My mum didn't even try to get to know my ex, so I spent every week night and and weekend either at his house or out with him.

After all that I've realised there's no actual advice in there, sorry

Well I think there are two separate issues here- the boyfriend coming round and then having visitors on a weeknight.

If you/DP think that on a week night she should focus on her school work then presumably that is the rule for any visitors- ie she shouldn't have girl friends over or go out at all on a week night, then that is one issue and presumably depends on how well she is doing at school etc.

As to having the b/f round to the house, I agree with you that this is always the safest way! Why does he feel less comfortable giving up the front room on a week night than at the weekend? You may even find your DP likes him- my DH reluctantly agreed to DD's b/f coming to stay and now they are good mates!!

compromise.

WHat day does she have least homework. He can come over on that day. Assuming she is completely up to date with her other homework.

OR

He can come over if all her homework is complete.

But not every night - Tuesdays and thursdays maybe? Then friday/saturday, but not sunday?

We dont give up our space for the kids...they take BF/GF to their rooms. However, the rule is that the door stays open at all times and we may pop in with tea etc.

As long as homework is done and any other responsibilities/chores sorted, then I can't see the problem in him coming round. You don't need to clear a room for them to use, they can hang in the kitchen or sit with both of you. It means you get to know him and vice versa. Far better than them hanging around in parks, where drinking/sex/drugs are more prevalent.

Thanks for your replies I appreciate it. My DD does her homework when she comes in from school and I always make sure she does. She only sees him Monday, Thursday and Sunday.

My DD and her BF are exactly the same age as your DD and her BF. In term time they don't expect to see each other during the week as they're both busy.
From their second date they've been visiting each other at home. When I went to pick up DD from her BF's home, I was dismayed to realise that they'd spent most of the day in BF's room. However my mind was put at rest when BF came over, as DD chose to leave her door wide open. This soon changed though.....
Is your DD's BF still at school?

Hi thanks for the message, her boyfriend is at college and works part time as well which definately restricts the time they can see each other.