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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13yr old DD wants to read Fifty Shades as 'all of my mates are'...really???

67 replies

RenskeMc · 02/09/2012 12:24

Oh God....last year she was still so cute, so girly, so innocent and now suddenly she cant wait to grow up as quickly as possible. She has just come home and said she wants to read 50 shades of grey as all her mates are. Okay, I admit, I have read it but she is only 13, only has kissed a boy (thank God) and now she wants to read hardcore sex? What do I do/say? I have said that i think the book is inappropriate as it discusses some very hardcore elements of sex and male aggression. I said if she really wants to read softporn, I ll get her some, more appropriate! But in the end they do what they want, dont they?? Anyone else recognises this?

OP posts:
CouthyMowWearingOrange · 02/09/2012 12:28

OMG! No way would I let my 14yo DD read 50 shades of grey. S&M isn't an appropriate subject matter until they are mature enough to have a reasoned discussion on the issues raised by the book, IMO. And 13/14 would not, in most cases, be mature enough to discuss the issues raised in a mature fashion.

ImNotInsaneMyMotherHadMeTested · 02/09/2012 12:30

I think she may be chancing her arm. "All her mates"?

Bet she says all her mates have an iPhone too (I'm getting that ATM).

I won't let 15 y.o. DD read it because it's crap writing and unrealistic about relationships as well as being soft porn

Maybe an age appropriate discussion about the exploitation of women in the porn industry and the knock on effects on people's relationships where people get their ideas about love & sex from porn might be in order?

smalltown · 02/09/2012 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nagoo · 02/09/2012 12:36

Fucking hell.

Shesparkles · 02/09/2012 12:36

I'll be doing everything in my power to make sure my 15 year old doesn't read it. And you know we all did the "but ALL my mates......"

savoycabbage · 02/09/2012 12:36

As soon as I heard about this book I thought 'that's what my dd is going to be reading like I was reading Forever'. Sad

EdithWeston · 02/09/2012 12:36

Other books won't help - as she wants to read the one that people are talking about (I remember "Lace" being passed around so we could all gasp at the goldfish scene).

And I don't think you want to get the reputation of being the mummy who supplied porn books to the whole year (for they will get passed around).

So, I think you need to explain thoroughly why you think it is inappropriate. Not just because it contains explicit sex, but because of the dysfunctional relationship (sorry, I haven't read it, so sorry if I am putting this wrongly). It's a case of counterbalancing what is in the book with the messages you want her to hear and heed.

If the book really us circulating, then she may well read it secretly, or just dip into it at lunchtime or at a friends house, so may get only a partial view. That is why I think you have to communicate about the book, and about relationships (and the power within relationships, and where consenting games slip into abuse). It is also laying the groundwork for if/when she encounters other forms of porn which are all to accessible to teens.

SnapesOnAPlane · 02/09/2012 12:46

My 14YOs friends HAVE all read it, and now she has too.
Her friends have lent her the books, their mothers have BOUGHT them the books. Really, I was a bit Shock at first. Atm though, I'm trying not to care. Just a book, just a book. Probably isn't going to be off to the S&M club in Manchester. Will monitor any leather purchases. Just a book... :o

happygolucky0 · 02/09/2012 13:49

Well my ds told my Mum that his english teacher told the class to read it over the summer for homework. My Mum went and brought it for him without having a clue what it was about. She has read it now and and thinks maybe one pulled the wool over eyes!

Apparently ds said she Nan says he can read them. But I said noooooooooo. I will be the bad guy I am not bothered.

Jux · 02/09/2012 13:55

DD (13) asked about it as it was all over our local Smith's. I refused on grounds of quality rather than content! I told her it was seriously bad writing on a par with Rainbow Fairies. Seems to have worked.

Sadly, I suspect that most of her age groupl round here probably have read it. Sad

cybbo · 02/09/2012 13:56

Say no! You're her mother fgs

Mrsjay · 02/09/2012 13:58

them all really Hmm nah i dont think so I havn't read it there is no way id want my teenager reading it ,

SwedishEdith · 02/09/2012 14:07

My 15yr old is using mentioned the "all my mates" argument as well but at times like this I'm grateful that she never reads at all. How are you going to stop her though? Really?

EdithWeston · 02/09/2012 14:23

50 Shades of Rainbow Fairies?

Now that would be a series of books to avoid!

sashh · 03/09/2012 07:45

Good grief, doesn't she know you don't ASK your mum? Those who have access to it get the book and start a waitinig list. If you have a copy she could have been making money hiring it out.

Seriously, she will probably have access to it if she wants, so discuss with her that it is not a portrayal of a normal sexual relationship.

happygolucky0
Your son will go far.

Jux · 03/09/2012 09:33

YY, if your child asks then they are definitely too young for it!

I think you should write 50 shades of Rainbow Fairies, Edith. It'll be a massive hit!

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 03/09/2012 14:53

Dd nearly 16 asked if she could read it (I assume "everyone" else is)

I said it was shit, crap writing, could suggest better for her.
She didn't bother.

She likes books about teenagers with terminal illnessesSmile

Themumsnot · 03/09/2012 16:59

My 15 year old DD said rather scornfully that she is not interested in reading 'bad Twilight fanfic'.

Themumsnot · 03/09/2012 16:59

MrsRobert - has your DD read The Fault in Our Stars?

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 03/09/2012 17:01

My dd and her mates (a bit older at nearly 17) have refused to read it based on mainly anti-bandwagon jumping, the fact that it is Twilight fanfic, it is poorly written and is crappy porn for the masses.

Original poster
RenskeMc · 03/09/2012 18:18

Thanks for that ladies! I know I am her mum ('ffs' as someone wrote), althouhg in fact I am her fulltime stepmum, but stopping kids reading books in secret is very hard. The more adament you are they shouldnt read it, the more curious they wll be. I have explained it is inappropriate for her agegroup but then again, as my husband put it, 'didnt you plunder your older brother's secret porn stash when noone was looking at 14', err, yes i did and to be honest it didnt mess me up with my day to day interaction with boys (and certainly didnt speed things up as i was 18 when i lost my vg)...i didnt really mix up reality with fiction...just hoping thatd be the same with her....So tough though to 'do the right thing'....

OP posts:
crypes · 03/09/2012 18:30

Gosh haven't times changed . When i was thirteen i used to read Catherine cookson for the sex scenes ( and rape) even for sex education . My parents didn't have a clue.

brandysoakedbitch · 03/09/2012 18:35

There is every chance that she is going to read it of course but reading it in secret is a world away from a parent sanctioning it. I would never tell my 13 year old I was OK with it, not at all.

Original poster
RenskeMc · 03/09/2012 18:37

of course i wont condone it! I have said 'no way' but I am just being realistic...

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 03/09/2012 18:39

I've never read Lace, what the hell do they do with a goldfish??

I definitely would not be happy with a young teen reading 50 Shades, it's a pile of shit and I hate the idea of a young girl reading about a very screwed up and sexually aggressive man and swooning over him as otherwise sane people I know have done.