13yr old DD wants to read Fifty Shades as 'all of my mates are'...really???

[RenskeMc]

Oh God....last year she was still so cute, so girly, so innocent and now suddenly she cant wait to grow up as quickly as possible. She has just come home and said she wants to read 50 shades of grey as all her mates are. Okay, I admit, I have read it but she is only 13, only has kissed a boy (thank God) and now she wants to read hardcore sex? What do I do/say? I have said that i think the book is inappropriate as it discusses some very hardcore elements of sex and male aggression. I said if she really wants to read softporn, I ll get her some, more appropriate! But in the end they do what they want, dont they?? Anyone else recognises this?

And who could forget Flowers in the Attic?

I think if we actually re-read some of the stuff we get misty eyed about on here, we'd be aghast.

I can still remember some details from Lace, they were trashy and exploitative in the extreme. Looking back it was happy days though.

I would discourage any child of mine from reading it, and explain why.

As a teenager, I managed to obtain most of my education about adult relationships from within the covers of Mills & Boon books. It was little surprise that my first serious relationship was an abusive one, given that I had 'learnt' that relationships were all about high drama, mind games, and occasional physical abuse.

Flowers in the Attic! God what a pile of depressing crap. Child abuse. Incest. Loooovely. Couldn't take my eyes off it at the time.

I don't have teenagers but I certainly read D H Laurence, Harold Robbins, Jackie Collins, Shirley Conran, Mills & Boon, Marquis de Sade, hair raising autobiographies by Hollywood stars, nasty horror stories and some dodgy porn involving an Alsatian and a dwarf from my local library when I was a teenager.

My DM trusted me and the librarian. I was considered sensible and it was just part of my extensive reading habits (20 books a week) I soon learnt to be discerning, shared my parent's values and have a degree in English Literature. I still enjoy reading Jilly Cooper novels, alongside the latest Lionel Shriver or Hilary Mantel.

50 shades is exploitative tripe, but as long as it is balanced with other books, it will be nothing more than a badly written, easily forgotten laugh with her mates. There are plenty of erotic classics by well respected authors. Anais Nin anyone?

As long as your daughter shares your values, understands about the dangers of misogyny and exploitation, has self respect and intelligence, it is not going to harm her. She'll probably read enough of Fifty Shades of Shite to talk about it with her friends and discard it ASAP.

If you are really concerned that she is easily lead and succumbing to peer pressure the book group discussion at your own home with parental permission will frighten her more, especially if you suggest they all write a 500 word essay on relationship power politics, which they read aloud in your presence

"Completley off subject. I am amazed at the amount of DHs buying this book for their DWs. Amazed. Do they normally buy their wives books?"

Blimey yes, DH and I are both big readers, and every birthday/Christmas we will buy books (often more than 1) for each other. Plus if he happens to be browsing on Amazon or in a real bookshop and sees something that he thinks I would like he'll buy it for me. I think he bought me 50 Shades as a joke, but I'll probably take a quick look to see what all the fuss is about.

I'm amused by all the snobbish-ness about it on here .. Ok it's trashy, but after a long hard working day what harm is there in grown-ups reading something a bit lightweight ??

That said, I get snobby about folk watching junk like 'Stenders & Corrie on the TV, I suppose.

clumsy how many men went out and bought this book for their wives after hearing it described as "mummy porn"?
Men that had never even noticed what book their wives were reading before?

I have read it and agree that poorly written etc etc as above but I find it more disturbing that the highest users of internet porn are 13 - 17 yo boys (Times today). Loads of DD male friends have it on their phones apparently (13yo DD - asked her this morning). Prob I am naive but thought it would be older men, don't know why

If she wants to read it, she'll find a way to get hold of it. I'm sure lots of us read inappropriate/adult books in secret at that age.

Doesn't mean you should encourage or help her though!

Looking back Lace was absolutely awful, really voyeuristic stuff about underage sex/porn. I bloody loved it though at that age.

And yes about Rupert Campbell-Black. He was an absolute bounder in the first book, really reprehensible behaviour to everyone (redeemed in book 2).

seeker & themumsnot- nahh, no copyright of mine on faux-minism. First heard it used by Melissa McEwan at Shakesville.

If you find out your DD (and maybe DS) is reading this I would suggest directly talking through the issues in the book (many and varied) but also speak to the school and ensure their Sexual Health programme is set up to deal with the issues. For every parent aware their child is reading this there is probably 3 more completely oblivious. Bad sexual health information spreads like wildfire in schools and the book is full of bad information about sex.

(On the plus side 50 shades always talks about the use of condoms/contraceptives. so you can use the book as a springboard for that conversation.)

I remember my bro and I crouching on the stairs desperately flicking through Lady Chatterley's Lover, trying to find the rude bits! We were 8 and 10.

At least it was literature

BlindFish, I don't even know what the issues actually are, apart from bad writing that is.

Goodness, at that age I was reading Anais Nin erotica, which is seriously filthy, but it's beautifully written, so that's ok.

I just found 50 shades under my 13 year old DD's bed. She'd nicked it off my sister. It went straight into the recycling box.

Jux:

I work as a schools based sex and relationship educator and I have written a blog post about what I think the main issues are after I read endured it. Other people have different ideas on some of the issues but my main wish is that all schools are better equipped to respond to the young people who cant/wont talk to their parents.
srestuff.blogspot.com/2012/08/50-shades-of-grey-reading-by-sex-and.html

Ignoring the fact that it's badly written, it's a book that romanticises an abusive relationship. That's the reason I wouldn't want my child reading it, I don't mind if she wants to read the occasional Milky Way book. Abusive relationships are hard enough to get out of, without reading mainstream literature about how it's all sooooo romanticcccc.

Thanks for the link, ShagmundFreud. It's Twilight for Grown Ups. I spent quite some time discussing Twilight with dd last year (was pretty disgusted that her cohort's mum's were buying it, reading it and passing it on without discussion except for how gorgeous that TwuntBloke was, at least dd has some conception from that).

I think dd is reading 50 shades in break times at school as she wanted elucidation on condoms yesterday evening; out of left field that was. So, I'm pretty sure there'll be some other questions coming my way.

Completely agree with you, scentednappyhag, but a lot of them will get their hands on it somehow without our even knowing. Forewarned is forearmed!