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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD1 has gone out with the girls for the 1st time and isn't home yet and phone goes straight to answer all night. I'm sick with worry.

24 replies

nativityhelp · 21/08/2012 02:01

DD is 18 (as of last week) but is rather young for her age and due to still looking about 13 she's never been out into town drinking with her girlfriends. Tonight she had planned her 1st venture to town (not a place I would go by choice as it's well known for being rough and ready) as all youngsters do. I was glad it was on a Monday rather than a weekend as it would be quieter. To cut a long story short she split up with her boyfriend of 4 years today and was understandably upset but decided to go out anyway. I told her to call when she wanted collecting but not to leave it too late. So far no call. I've been calling her since 10.30 and her phone goes straight to answer. I'm sick with worry but what can I do? I've left messages with her frinds but no reply, I've left messages with her ex boyfriend but again no reply. Will the police think I'm insane if I ring them? Please pacify me. DH is working nights and 2 younger dds are in bed but awake and also worried...

OP posts:

doinmummy · 21/08/2012 02:18

She's probably fine. Could you have a drive round and see if she's conked out at a friends house?

ColourMeWithChaos · 21/08/2012 02:18

I'm sure she's fine.

Phone reception is notoriously dodgy in many clubs. I'm sure she's just having such a good time she's lost track of time.

Are you just picking up DD or her friends too? Do you have any of their parents numbers? Might reassure you if one of their parents has heard from them.

What time were you expecting a call? I know the clubs vaguely near us kick out at 2.30 usually and DS is usually home at 3.

I know it's not much help but I've been there and everything has been fine in the end.

tuckingfits · 21/08/2012 02:22

I can see why you are worried. Unfortunately I don't have any advice really. All I can offer is a hand to hold for a while (I will check.back in the morning but have just finished work & will be up with 18 month old ds soon!).

Is it possible that she & the ex boyfriend have made up & are otherwise engaged? Sorry if that sounds glib. I really hope she gets in touch very very soon & that all is well. I can't imagine how worried you must be.

Original poster

nativityhelp · 21/08/2012 02:23

Thanks for the reassurance. The girls are fairly new friends and stupidly I don't have any contact details for them. I'm home looking after my 2 other dds aged 11 and 13 and DH is on nights so I can't really go out looking for her other than the 15 minute round trip to pick her up if/when she calls.

OP posts:

ColourMeWithChaos · 21/08/2012 02:26

Do you know which clubs she is going to?

If you check the kicking out times it might reassure you that she's not got signal or has lost track of time rather than anything else.

I've just gone and asked DS who has just got in from a mate's birthday party with his gf and they say Monday nights are pretty quiet when students aren't around so that could be reassuring?

Original poster

nativityhelp · 21/08/2012 02:27

I'd love to think that she'd met up with her ex but I'm pretty sure he'd have made her ring home because he's the more sensible of the two and knows how much I worry. I have left him a message but he's not replied yet. Thanks for the hand holding, much appreciated.

OP posts:

doinmummy · 21/08/2012 02:29

She probably cant hear her phone, or if she's with new friends she might not want to seem a wuss by speaking to her mum. She'll be on the dance floor swinging her pants. You'll see she'll swan in as right as rain.

OR she could be a bit upset about the boyfriend and will be doing what we've all done which is all squish into a loo and have a good cry.

Original poster

nativityhelp · 21/08/2012 02:30

Thanks for the tip CMWC, I just checked the main club opening hours and it's open till 4am on Mondays! It could be a very long night :0(

OP posts:

tuckingfits · 21/08/2012 02:31

Swinging her pants,hey?! God,those were the days!

tuckingfits · 21/08/2012 02:32

4am on a Monday?! My,how things have changed!!

doinmummy · 21/08/2012 02:33

Showing my age

ColourMeWithChaos · 21/08/2012 02:34

That is late!

I'm sure she has just lost track of time though - and it will be really really loud in there so she won't hear you when you're ringing.

She will probably go to the loo at some point and see all your missed calls and call you then.

If the club closes at 4 I'd give her an hour after for the cloakroom queue/kebab routine and then think about calling the police.

tuckingfits · 21/08/2012 02:47

oh doinmummy I didn't mean it like that! I must be showing my age.by being astonished that a club is open til 4am on a Monday! When there aren't students around.

Nativity I expect the others are right when they say she hasn't heard her phone. She's probably having a whale of a time dancing t whatever people dance to these days & has had far too much to drink especially if she isn't used to it & has just broken up with boyf. A kebab ain't gonna help.with that!

doinmummy · 21/08/2012 02:56

Dont be daft tucking (love the name). Next month I am officially old

I thought we were living on the edge when clubs stayed open til 2 am

Kebabs are useless in a heart break situation....Chips and curry sauce are what's needed xx

mathanxiety · 21/08/2012 03:02

You shouldn't have called the ex boyfriend. If I were her I would be a bit about that. He may be sensible but he is not her minder.
10.30 was a bit early to start trying to contact her.

If she isn't picking up your calls try texting her? I agree she probably can't hear her phone but will realise you have been trying to call her.

Since she is a bit young for her age you should be doing some of the planning and thinking for her.

Assuming there will be a next time, I recommend you get a few of her friends' numbers and tell her she needs to have firm transport home plans when she goes out, or an arrangement with you to pick her up at a certain time, and not leave you waiting around for a call that could come any time, and she needs to call you at X o'clock to check in with you or any time plans change. She also needs to assure you that she will check her phone regularly. It's only basic courtesy.

QuicheLouise · 21/08/2012 03:20

I'm sorry you're so worried - we've all been there...

Different clubs and different cities have their "student night" on different nights of the week - Monday is not at all uncommon. My 18 year old wouldn't dream of going out on a Friday or Saturday night because they put the prices up for people who can only go out at the weekend because they have to work for a living!

My daughter started going "out" (on the student night) after A'"evels - if it's any consolation, she and her friends usually creep in after four.

It's a learning curve for both of you, all this. This may be her first time but it won't be the last. What works here is that my DD always goes with a friend or some friends and they stay together all evening and either come back here - sharing a taxi - to stay the night or go back to another girls' house. They're all great girls who I've known for years and I know I can trust them to stick together and come home safely together.

Hope you hear from your daughter soon - best wishes..

Original poster

nativityhelp · 21/08/2012 03:24

Thank you all for your support. I've just returned from collecting my beautiful, sad , dishevelled baby from her friend's house. She's managed to puke in her hair, on my feet, all over the friends house, but she really, really loves me so all is forgiven.

OP posts:

berra · 21/08/2012 03:29

Aww, bless her she'll feel it in the morning!

tuckingfits · 21/08/2012 03:37

Oh I'm so glad you've got her home safe. What a relief. Shame about the puke though . Guess most of us have been there & learned,or not,from our overindulgences!

Mymumsdaughter · 21/08/2012 03:37

I'm glad she is home.

Original poster

nativityhelp · 21/08/2012 03:45

Seeing the state of her it all came flooding back to me. That evil lurching feeling in the pit of your stomach and the smell of the mop bucket beside your bed! I've lined her bedroom with towels to minimise the clean up tomorrow. My other two, having seen her have vowed never to touch a drop . She'll be one sorry sight tomorrow morning bless her. Big irony is that I'm sitting with a glass of wine to help me come down from my panic mode.

OP posts:

QuicheLouise · 21/08/2012 03:45

Great news that she's home.

As I said - "learning curve"! Next lesson: How to have a few drinks and party safely and within responsible limits so you don't throw up!

beagreassive · 22/08/2012 08:52

Oh, those early days of adult kids going out. I don't even bat an eyelid these days!

NanaNina · 28/08/2012 19:02

I think the very worst part of parenting is when your kids start going out and about with mates (especially ones who have just passed their driving test!) and I can't tell you have many nights I have gone to bed, just waiting to hear that key in the door. I hated it, as I'm not really an anxious type and there were no mobile phones in those days!!

They've all left home now with families of their own and the one thing I love (besides gradnchildren) is that I don't have to worry about them coming home!

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