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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is this normal??

11 replies

Addie18 · 08/08/2012 18:17

I'm a 17 year old girl and I've never been to a sleepover... All of my friends have and it's not like I've never had the opportunity... My parents always say that they want to get to know the sleepover holder's parents first (which i totally understand) but they never actually do it Confused They also don't want me to go to a mixed sex sleepover because it "encourages things", which i also completely understand. I just feel like I'm being left behind now and now experiencing things people my age normally would....... Any ideas??

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 08/08/2012 18:22

No its not normal.

Original poster
Addie18 · 08/08/2012 18:26

usualsuspect How do you propose i sort it out??

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 08/08/2012 18:28

No idea, at 17 mine never asked permission to stay round their mates. They just told me where they were going.

TaggieMandevilleBlack · 08/08/2012 18:30

No. Not normal. What happens nect year when suddenly you are expected to make decisions,get pissed safely, to shag or not to shag, to choose whether to take up someones offer of drugs etc etc. When you've never even had a sleepover.

How do you develop normal peer relationships if you don't take part in normal age appropriate activities.

Original poster
Addie18 · 08/08/2012 19:13

Don't get me wrong... I do some of the things mentioned in your post TaggieMandevilleBlack it's only the sleepover thing that i havent taken part in (or the drugs). I just don't know how to change it.

OP posts:
MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 08/08/2012 20:42

No it's not normal.. I'm sure your parents are well meaning and lovely but they need to cut the apron strings.

If they are reasonable but over protective, I think sitting down and explaining that you need to be treated as the young adult that you actually are, is the way forward. Maybe reassuring them that you will text them or whatever. However, and much as I hate to say this as a parent of 4 teens myself.. if they are not reasonable, then you need to put your foot down and rebel!
I expect my older children (aged 18,19,20) to let me know if they are coming home/where they are, out of courtesy (and so I know if to lock up at night) but I wouldn't dream of saying they can't go somewhere.. and haven't done for a few years!

mumblechum1 · 08/08/2012 21:09

At 17, you don't ask permission. You just tell them that you're staying over at a friend's house/not coming back from a night out. My ds has been doing that since he was 15, and having more organised sleepovers since he was 7.

tbh this is the sort of problem I can imagine a 10 or 11 year old child having, not a young adult.

beagreassive · 09/08/2012 23:59

The rule for my DD's, 17 and 19, has long been Three nights a week at home, the rest of the time, let me know so I don't worry. They have their own keys, and don't ask my permission for anything unless it is having people over here. Three nights a week at home is just so they have a few nights where they actually interact with the family, and get a decent sleep! and they get to choose which nights are which.

workshy · 10/08/2012 00:08

my parents were exactly the same OP

I used to go to sleepover parties anmd they would pick my up at whatever time accordding to my age

they always said it wasn't me they didn't trust, it was because they didn't know the other parents -but like your parents, made no effort to get to know anyone

as an adult I've spoken to them about this and it was very much the case that they didn't want to have to recipriocate (sp) and have people staying at ours as they are very private people, I had younger siblings and my dad suffered on and off with depression

they did not want to appear rude by not having people back over to ours

could that be the reason? if you reasure them that they won't get up one morning to find hordes of teenagers sprawled all over the living room might they be more agreeable?

soaccidentprone · 10/08/2012 12:46

Conversation with DS1 (16) usually goes 'I'll be staying at '....' tonight. To which I ask where do they live, do there parents know, will their parents be there and what time will you be home tomorrow?

When he was younger I'd normally drop him off, and sometimes pick him up, but now he thinks he's an adult (lol) he sorts himself out. I hope that I have given him enough good parenting to look after himself, as did my mum at that age.

They are possibly just being protective and maybe are a bit shy and find it hard talking to other parents?

Tell them they have done a good job of bringing you up and that you feel you are responsible enough to do this without them needing to check up?

Hope this helps and good luck Smile

Original poster
Addie18 · 10/08/2012 14:29

I think that they know i'm a responsible person, perhaps they just find it hard letting go??

OP posts:
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