just dont know what to do......

[crkm]

Dd is 19 - she was thrown off her college course, wont get a job, wont sign on, gets no money from me - but has a lovely new boyfriend who dotes on her - I dont know when she will be home or when she will be out - she has no phone (as has no money), she wont eat with us . she house sat when we went on holiday - and used my bed much to mine and dh anger - then denied it. She helps herself to my make up and clothes. if you try to talk to her it ends in anger - on both sides - and she gets rude and agressive - I try to avoid this because its not fair on the other children to hear it. She has been lazing around for 6 months doing s*d all - she has had one job interview in that time. am dspairing now.

6 months of that and I think you are entitled to call a deadline. She either shapes up and REALLY looks for a job..as in, signs on, goes to the job centre and trawls the shops for vacancies every day..with proof or doing so, OR she moves out and goes to live with lovely boyfriend! She's an adult and if she doesn't want to pay her way in your home..and respect it, she needs to take responsibility for herself and leave. Sounds harsh but many 19 year olds are either living independently or paying their dues..and rent ..at home.
I still support my 20 yr old because she is at University, but even there she has to work in the holidays..and has managed to find temporary jobs this summer! my 19 yr old left college and trawled everywhere until he found a job, pays rent etc They are not perfect kids by any means but they wouldn't dare take the mick the way your daughter is doing.
You can explain to your other children that her rudeness is unacceptable..and that her behaviour is her choice.. then lay it on the line, expect some fireworks but stand FIRM. She has to know you mean it tho..
Be strong!

I'd tell her to move out
She'll soon sign on when she's got rent to pay

@medusa.... I do agree - we always said only options were in employment or education - no sitting at home doing nothing. Have just found it impossible to implement!

dd is house sitting for her aunt for a few days - when she comes back we will sit her down and give her a final ultimatum!

My dd1, also 19, has just gone to live with her dad, because studying and doing three household chores a week and letting us know when she'll be home for dinner was too much hard work. Things are much friendlier now. It came down to me saying change or move, and she chose to move: but six months of battling over it preceded that!

I threw her out before - and she was desperate to come home after 3 days of living on a friends floor - I said if she came back she had to live by our rules. Fat chance! I must be too soft - or always trying to avoid arguments!! enough is enough!

Yeah, i would say you have to own your part of it. Which isn't huge, but we try so hard to give them what we remember not having... and they totally don't appreciate it. That is what me and my friends observe, anyway.