Belligerent and 19.

[lolaflores]

Any attempt to boundary my dd ends up in verbal abuse and scorn. I am accused of siding with Step father and so on and so forth
Example
She has dumped wet washing and clean washing all over the utility room floor to get her own stuff done. Has left it there. When asked to clean it up sort it out, a torrent of swearing and belligerence.
I want to cry, I simply do not have the energy to deal with this.
Her father left when she was 2 and has not been much use since that point in time. Tell me I am over reacting. It just hurts so much.

Sling all the wet stuff on her bed. Then tell her to move the fuck out!! Cheeky mare!

sounds like a plan. do you get the teenagers you deservve I wonder? why do I feel guilty?

Let the swearing and belligerence go right over your head. Refuse to do anything for her - cooking/washing etc until she tows the line and behaves like part of your family.

Don't feel guilty, she's just being selfish.

Thank you. I feel a bit powerless in the face of it. after a paticularly nasty session I made her go to her grannies which instigated a massive pitched family battle. no one knows what it is like being with her sometimes. bitch doesn;t cover it.

Go on strike for her stuff if she won't pull her weight. I find concentrating on my breathing allows me to let the verbal barrage go over my head. Also just calmly repeat what you first said until she knows you are not going to rise to her baiting.

You are not a verbal punch bag.

I agree with Squishy.

Tell her that you all have to live together and you want that to be a pleasant experience. To make this happen everyone has to respect each other so that the house runs smoothly.

Point out all the things you and her step dad do for her, ask her what she is going to do to make the house run smoothly.

she has apologised with the conditions that she is actually unpaid labour here!!!! WTAF? stayed calm and stayed on message. Then we both went out to look at next doors naughty lingerie that was drying on the line. Bonding experience

Ah that's good lora

thanks, these things are like summer storms aren't they. big explosion, bit of lightening then we are all sunny and bright. except for this summer obviously

I think you've got to look at the whole picture - take a view. What else is going on? My DD at 19 would have probably done something similar with the washing - she would be concentrating on her stuff and not even giving the washing she'd pulled out a second thought. Not doing it deliberately to spite us.

She was at Uni (good point), worked in 2 part-time jobs (more good points), generally looked after herself (more good points), had nice decent friends (more good points). So in the overall scheme a bit of thoughlessness in washing department would not score to high on the scale.

Save the arguements for stuff that ,matters - education, safety, jobs etc.

P.S. If you shout - they'll shout back.