Would you mind if your teenager smoked weed?

[SecretSquirrels]

DS1 now 16 has recently mentioned several times that he has seen people he knows smoking weed. Not any of his friends but his year group and younger. He is very straight laced and judgy about it but reckons there has been zero drugs education at school and there should be (his opinion as well as mine).

I have seen two threads recently on which many, many posters openly admitted to smoking weed. I don't know whether these are very young parents with young children or whether they have teenagers but I am genuinely shocked.
Am I so out of touch or out of date that this is now normal?

My ds is 18 He says he is a take it or leave it sort of person and he drinks (not to excess) but he says apart from the odd puff in the park he is not interested.Interestingly there are 2 groups and the kind of long haired black wearing rockers are all what he calls 'stoners' I know most of them and they were quite nerdy at school. Ds group are more into fashion and clubs and like wine and cocktails a bit champagne charlie! I am not over worried but if it was too much I would be worried as it destroyed my brother

weed is evil i hate what it has done to my son, he is only just 15 says he can take it or leave it ,but i know he has a big problem. not speaking to me tonight as he needs a joint and i wont give him any money. has stolen from us ,sold his consoles and games just to buy the horrible stuff but he doesnt have a problem!

Yes, I do mind :( I have a strong commitment to telling my children the truth (I expect them to tell me the truth, and it cuts both ways) but this is the one "lie I wish I'd told"...

When he first did what passed for drugs' education in Y6, he came home full of questions... He asked me if I had ever smoked cannabis, and I have, so I told him so... He asked me when I first smoked it, and I told him the truth: I was 14...

He used this information as self-justification, when he was 13, for starting to smoke weed himself, and he has used it as self-justification many times since. When I have challenged him, he has been able to say "Well you smoked it when you were 14, so you can't complain about me" :( All the distinctions and subtleties are lost on him: I shared two spliffs between the ages of 14 and 16, and it was someone's big brother's home-grown; while he has been a several-times-a-week smoker since at least 13, and it's that disgusting substance 'skunk', which is ten times stronger, much more dangerous, clearly linked to psychosis, especially in young men/boys, seems to cause aggression and violent mood swings... To my mind not the same drug at all... :(

I sometimes replay that conversation in my head: "No darling, of course I haven't, and nor should you..."

A lot of sensationalist opinions in this thread. Weed has been unfairly demonised for many years in the Western world, and a lot of misinformation has found itself in the media circus shaping vulnerable people's opinons. Drug legislation is more about politics than science, it's more about scaremongering than truth telling. It's an easy issue to score political points on and an easy issue to scare parents with.

In regards to the claims of "skunk" causing schizophrenia, there is no evidence of this. The rate of schizophrenia has remained stable and in some cases falling. The reason this link might be made is because schizophrenics are more likely to use drugs, and because weed is the most common illegal drug they're likely to smoke it. It doesn't mean the weed caused the schizophrenia - they've always had it. I think Amsterdam would turn into one big mental asylum if this were at all true.

The medical properties of cannabis are far reaching. Cannabis oil curing cancer:

Cannabis removing symptoms of parkinson's disease:

Weed is non-toxic, non-addictive, doesn't cause lung or any other cancer due to its anti-tumor properties, you cannot overdose and it has never killed anyone directly. This is also true for "skunk" which is just a name for a certain strain of cannabis, it's still chemically the same drug as all cannabis but its name has been trodden through the mud in the continued effort to demonise the plant. I'm not trying to depict weed as some holy herb that can cure anything, I'm just stating facts that are backed up with scientific evidence. It's good to know and be educated about drugs as it allows for informed decisions instead of ignoring it and calling it evil.

Basically if you're worried about your teenager smoking weed then you should be far more worried that they are drinking alcohol. Alcohol is toxic, can be addictive, can cause cancer, you can overdose and it has killed people directly, but if you're responsible and old enough I see no reason why you can't drink it in the same way I see no reason why you can't smoke weed.

Yes I would. Smoking weed is illegal and it damages the brain.

Zero tolerance in this household also, but saying that I still feel traumatised by the experience our DS had with drugs very recently.
Bit of background on DS, he is 17, so AS student atm, completed his GCSE's with 10 A'a and 2 B's, book worm, fantastic studious student, if a little geeky generally never had any trouble with him.
His social life revved up considerably this year, lot's of partying had taken place and also I think he felt under lot of pressure to do what others were doing, so weed smoking and other things started in his words "sometimes last November", and it went on until March this year, that is when me and dh accidentally found out.
First tell tell sign was his grades and lot of very erratic behaviour, he got a warning letter from a head of sixth form basically saying that they do not recognise him, he has changed so much and that he is not the same promising student they have taken on back in September, if he does not start improving he wont be able to achieve good enough grades to to continue onto the year 13.
We are still dealing with emotional turmoil this has caused, DS is off drugs for now, he did pull up his socks and started revising seriously at the end of March, so fingers crossed it will be enough for him to continue with his education and put all of this behind him.
DS did not leave the house from March till very recently, except to school and back where we accompanied him, his phone is with me, it took me a while to repel all the undesirable shady characters who kept calling and texting, but I think I have nailed it.
DS didn't protest much, and actually said to me"I am glad you found out, I was sick of it, but I didn't know how to get out of it myself"
Drugs are everywhere, it's very much so drug culture out there, regardless of type of school they go to, or indeed social status of a child, DS attends excellent sixth form, former grammar pupil, the whole experience have opened my eyes, taken away my pink spectacles and showed me that any child from any background can end up in this sort of situation.
It is how you deal with it that is important, I still receive counselling and receive strategies in how to support him and help him.
Pretending drugs are not there, or my child would never do it, it's not a reality, instead be vigilant and keep a close eye on them.

It's not normal. It is just really tacky and pathetic when adults do it, stupidity in teenagers.

Bumba- weed isn't addictive??? That is total rubbish!

Thank you Maryz. I know from your earlier posts about your DS1.
Children with parents who smoke are much more likely to smoke themselves it must be true also that children whose parents think that you can responsibly smoke weed are also likely to do it. Some of those will inevitably suffer the worst consequences.

strictlovingmum I hope your strategy works, you sound very supportive.

No way - I have teenagers and I would never condone cigarettes let alone weed. For all the good reasons listed above.

Weed is toxic, it is addictive and it affects growing brains especially adversely. Often it works as a gateway drug because the supplier will deliberately manipulate a situation so that the weed smoker "just tries" a smoke of heroin. And very very often that leads to smoking heroin off tinfoil, addiction, injection, crime and the collapse if a family's life.

Yes I would mind and thankfully my kids' school does very hard hitting drug education. The last talk was from two mums who had lost sons and it pretty much had the whole hall on the floor.

Strict loving, you know you will need to be vigilant for a long time, I'm sure? I feel for you, I really do.

weed messes with your brain -fact.
dh was in a gang(25 yrs ago) and he was the only one who never smoked it-the rest (apart from 1 other) either went on to harder things and are homeless/in prison or have committed suicide .
ds age 17 brought this up not so long ago ,saying all his mates smoked it and they said "its better than fags/alcohol"
who is telling them this crap? and where are the parents?

better for them not better than.

I know a number of people who smoke weed regularly but think they aren't addicted. I see how their lives revolve obtaining it, and how grumpy they get when they can't, and think, 'Yeah, right'. I would be very worried if DS started smoking it.

P.S. Most of those people are also very unmotivated in their day-to-day lives.

For the minority that still think and believes that weed is harmless, I suggest pay a visit to frank read some of the stories and experiences written by actual users, it is bone chilling and utterly shocking.
Some of these children as a result of drug abuse are left with debilitating conditions, chronic kidney disease, liver disease, mental disturbances but most notable fact is, very few smoke canabis vast majority of them proceeded onto harder drugs,
"Mandy"=ecstasy
"drone"=plant fertiliser
"meth" etc.
All I know I will try to do my utmost to inform, alert and educate DS, I will give him my support and help, but I am afraid rest is up to him, it is up to him to say NO, and it might not be easy.

The gateway theory that states weed leads to harder drugs is false. By that logic you could say drinking milk leads to alcohol, or a legal drug such as caffeine leads to amphetamines. There's nothing in weed that tells you to start injecting heroin, that's all down to the user and the environment they find themselves in.

In regards to addiction, cannabis is not physically addictive. If you suddenly stop taking it you won't experience any physical craving for the drug. Of course you can become mentally addicted, as you can for anything. You can be mentally addicted to cake or the internet like I expect many of us are.

Why are doctors prescribing cannabis for medical purposes in California and other states? Why would they prescribe a drug that, according to opinions here, can cause schizophrenia, is addictive, is toxic, damages the brain, ruins lives etc. Look up the science for yourself if you really care.

You can change and ruin your life whether you smoke weed or not. If a son or daughter is smoking weed to try and escape from problems in their life then they're not the best person to be doing any drugs let alone weed. Millions of people smoke weed to enjoy music, to eat food, to think, for meditation, medical reasons, or just to have a good time with friends and still be productive members of society.

I would, there's a family history of mental health problems coming to the fore with weed/cannabis use.

I was much more than a dabbler in many drugs from the age of 13 until I met DH at 21 - and would have continued had I not met someone who basically gave me an ultimatum about it. So flow4 your post resonates as DH always jokes he ought to be the one to give our DC the drugs talk, and I've always thought it might be better to be honest - now I'm not so sure. But then my honesty would be more akin to "I tried it, I took it too far, took everything bar heroin (though I did seek this out too) and nearly lost everything" so I'm torn. Thankfully DC are under 4 for a while yet to figure it out.

Bumbaclot you are right, I think, that maybe the link is more to do with someone who might have a propensity towards psychosis is more likely to try weed and other drugs than weed being the cause of that psychosis; BUT the very taking of drugs results in dormant paranoias being brought to the fore that may not have done so otherwise, so the argument to not take it for fear of mental illness still stands. Another piece of anecdotal evidence but DH's cousin became schizophrenic after a period of smoking a lot of weed and eventually committed suicide after a weed-induced bout of psychosis caused him to fatally injure somebody. I have several friends who started smoking weed, went to acid rather than heroin and went on to therefore have serious mental health issues - I was very nearly there myself. Likewise I have several friends who smoked a ridiculous amount of weed for a long time and aside from not really achieving much in that time have come out the other side perfectly normal and having not touched other drugs. You just don't know what the result will be.

The argument for the health benefits of cannabis are obsolete in this thread as the OP is asking would you mind if your teenager was smoking weed - not WWYD if your mother was diagnosed cannabis tablets to help her back problems. The answers may be majoritively the same but the question isn't.

I also think it's pointless answering the question by saying alcohol does much more damage - I honestly think I've felt most out of control in the moment on alcohol but it's a completely different question - I'm pretty sure most of MN would answer yes to the question "would you mind if you found out your teenager was binge drinking"

Yes some children smoking weed may therefore be pushed onto harder drugs by the people they associate with through weed usage. I wasn't. I actively went out and found harder drugs - maybe because of getting through the "smoking weed and not getting caught thrill" - probably not as I wasn't smoking weed that much when I started taking ecstasy very regularly and the people I went on to take acid with were completely different to the people who introduced me to cocaine who were different to the people I made friends with because I knew they took ketamine. I think this was just me, wanting to push myself further, disapear into an alternative reality more and more - who's to know whether my severe depression was caused by or alleviated by my drug taking?

At the end of the day I am going to worry about every part of my children's lives - you just don't know how they will react to smoking weed, or drinking alcohol, playing too many video games, becoming religious fundamentalists...when it comes to drugs I know I don't want them to go near them but:
a) I don't know honestly how realistic that is
b) if I am going to react violently about that then I ought to about underage drinking and any other vulnerable position they put their physical and mental health in
c) I have no idea how to cope with without feeling like a failure or a hypocrite or both.

The "champagne Charlie" poster- you do know the club scene is rife with coke and pill use don't you?

It would bother me greatly because of its effects when it becomes a habit and because of the people he would be associating with, and the possibility of a run in with the law. It would really break my heart if a child of mine saw fit for whatever reason to check out of his or her life like that.

Bumbaclot, how can you say weed is not addictive?

My brother started smoking weed when he was 14, he hid this from his family until he was 16, by which time he was well and truely hooked.

Fast forward 11 years to now.

He has no job, living (barely) on benefits, no self-esteem, has a split personality, shakes badly, is aggressive and occasionally violent, he will choose buying weed over buying food.

He doesn't drink and rarely has.

I don't actually know who my brother is any more, all I can see in his personality is weed and how he will get his next drag.

He is in the minority, most of my friends and family dabbled here and there and most of them got on with a 'normal' life and out grew the usual teenage experimental phase.

But, my brothers life revolves around weed and only weed and he frequently talks about ending his life. One of my friends has been sectioned regularly through his adult life which is drug induced. And one of my friends gassed himself in a car after a physcotic episode.

OP, in answer to your question smoking weed is very normal and most people get through those early years being undamaged by their experimental stages and if they continue to smoke or do the odd line now and then, they do it while having a 'normal' happy life.

But don't for one minute not be worried or be concerned, for the minority like my brother and my two friends weed/drugs has been totally devastating.

Make sure you and your son knows the facts, and encourage him to choose a healthy happy life over drug use. Ultimately you won't be able to stop him trying weed but just make sure you are very aware of the consequences for some.