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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD has been dumped, she is devastated.

22 replies

mrsmillsfanclub · 12/06/2012 12:37

DD is 15 and was in a relationship for 5 months (1st bf). She adored him and it seemed mutual. However, last week she caught him messaging another girl. He got very defensive and shortly after ended the relationship, blaming her for over reacting! She has now discovered he is seeing this new girl and he is refusing to talk to/have anything to do with my dd (same school).
She is truly heartbroken, and constantly in tears blaming herself for it. I have told her repeatedly that she has done nothing wrong, and that she deserves better treatment than he has given her. She is very clingy with me (not like her at all), even wanting to share a bed with me last night. I am so worried about her, I listen to her, hug her and make sure she is eating properly. What else can I do to ease her misery?

OP posts:

nilbyname · 12/06/2012 12:39

Watch loads of stupid films, eat ice cream, chocolate, go shopping, get a manicure, give her lots of hugs and basically let her feel what she is feeling. We have all been there, teenage hearts are fragile.

wem · 12/06/2012 12:40

I don't have teenagers, but it sounds like you're doing all the right things already, keep it up :)

Original poster

mrsmillsfanclub · 12/06/2012 12:48

Yes, I remember the pain of first love. It just seems so much worse when its your own child. She has always been such a happy-go-lucky sort of person, think that is why I am so upset to see her so down. I shall continue what I'm doing, and just hope it gets easier for her very soon. Thanks for your thoughtful replies.

OP posts:

Frontpaw · 12/06/2012 12:49

It'll take time and patience (you) then she'll get over it.

I was dumped in 1989 and still feel indignant!

Unionjackie · 12/06/2012 13:03

. Share your experiences with her OP. Encourage her to be out and about with friends and give her plenty to look forward to. This happened to dd a few months ago; there are loads of funny and insightful quotes on breaking up if you google it; they cheered her up at the time. DD now smitten with bf no. 2, so bracing myself for heartbreak no. 2

Maryz · 12/06/2012 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wrathomum · 12/06/2012 13:37

Awww. :( (I wont be surprised if my DD is in this situation soon too.) At least she isn't bottling it up. Although she's heartbroken now, being 15, hopefully she'll bounce back very soon. FWIW my DD had a BF when she was 14 - so a big deal at the time, she spoke about him all the time, though very innocent - only a very few months later she remarked that she couldn't believe she'd gone out with him, "I mean, he's NICE, but he's SO EMBARRASSING!"

SecretSquirrels · 12/06/2012 13:39

First of many and they don't get any easier.
DS1 has had his heart broken so many times and each time it's the end of the world. It's emotionally exhausting for me never mind him.
I am always careful never to indulge in criticising the girl in question (not out loud anyway). Just in case they get back together . Which has been known.

Original poster

mrsmillsfanclub · 12/06/2012 13:57

Thank you all for your lovely responses. dd is fortunate that she has some nice friends, none of whom know the other girl (who is at a different school, thank goodness). Secret Squirrel-I totally understand what you mean about it being emotionally exhausting for us parents, I feel like I have aged 10 years!!

It is great to be able to share it with others who understand. x

OP posts:

MySweetPrince · 12/06/2012 16:12

My DD went through the same thing at 16 - devastated and thought it was the end of the world when she was dumped by the boy she adored. It is so hard watching them go through it because it's not a physical pain you can patch up with a plaster. Just be there for her with kind words and support. She will get over this.......for what it's worth my DD is now 19 and in a steady relationship with a lovely lad.

BlueStringPudding · 15/06/2012 09:45

DD is in the same situation, she's almost 17 and they had been together for almost a year - I am so sad for her, and feel so helpless.

I was wondering if there are any books that might be good for teenagers - about relationships and breakups in general - can anyone recommend anything?

twinkletwirl · 15/06/2012 13:57

My son was very suddenly dumped by his first love after nine months of dating.

He loved her very much and she seemed to be just as much in love right to the very end, so it was a great shock and very traumatic for my son.
Made worse because we just came back from a holiday. While away, my son really missed his girlfriend , constantly talked about her and took so much time and effort to lovingly choose souvenires for her, asking my advice. He never had a chance to give her these gifts

It was such a sad time. It was hard to see my son so heartbroken and I actually sort of 'grieved' for this girl myself, got really attached after nine months.

My son coped by spending lots of time with his friends, they offered great support , and by taking up several new hobbies, like playing a guitar, enrolling in army cadets and others. And he achieved so much since ! And matured. It's been a very happy year.

Your poor DD ,it is very hard for them, the first days, weeks. This is where we as mums need to step in with lots and lots of tlc .

She will bounce back soon !

Serendipity129 · 15/06/2012 15:41

I can really sympathise here.
My DD had her first BF a few weeks ago and it ended where he went off with another girl in front of her BF so he knew it would get back to her. She was devastated, and even now 6 weeks later she says there's not a day goes by without her thinking about him. It's bad because you can't help, and I felt like I was let down so bad by him, I was really upset and angry for her as he led us to believe he was such a nice lad, and for that reason I felt stupid.
I became emotionally involved along with her as she was so up and down and it's hard not to, I felt like I was on a rollercoaster most of the time.

It's a shame as she's been hurt so bad and she really liked him, it's hard being a parent I don't recall even mentioning boys to my mum though at that age so I am glad she shares it with me.

HorraceTheOtter · 18/06/2012 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justkeepgoing · 27/06/2012 00:16

Oh, good to hear other similar stories. My 17yr old daughter is heartbroken having been dumped by her boyfriend of a year, he chased her for a year before that. He seemed so devoted, it has emerged he talked about marriage and she believed him. Then he became overwhelmed and upped and left. Seems laughable now, we didn't really think that would happen so young, but like you guys the whole family invested in him as he seemed so nice, and now he is being horrible to her. She has another yr of 6th form. I wished I had not let them be so serious. Are we all expecting too much emotional maturity from teenagers? I am rung out from watching her pain this last month. She has friends, she intends to go to uni, she is going to travel next year. It is so hard convincing her that there is so much fun to be had out there in this world and she is beautiful and talented. How can I make her better?

Maryz · 27/06/2012 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thenightsky · 27/06/2012 00:28

I remember DD being dumped by gorgeous lad. She sobbed and sobbed. Then suddenly she dried her eyes and said.....'God, actually, he was vainer than me, and I'm VAIN'

justkeepgoing · 27/06/2012 00:41

Maryz, is your ds1 available for other beatings?

Maryz · 27/06/2012 00:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

osterleymama · 27/06/2012 00:48

I remember my youngest sister was dumped by her first boyfriend at 16, my other sister and I paid for her to get her hair done (she went from dark to blonde and pretty to stunning) and we made a big deal of it being a rite of passage. We also bought her a new outfit and came to my mums at the crack of dawn to do her makeup and hair for school on Monday. She walked into school feeling hot when she next saw him. A bit of pampering and a fuss when you feel rejected can take some of the sting out of it.

A few months later she couldn't remember what she saw in him and now at 21 she blissfully loved up with a very nice boy.

differentnameforthis · 27/06/2012 03:16

Whatever you do, don't try to minimise her pain. Or tell that you have had it worse.

When I was 16, my boyfriend (who I originally met in the UK while he was on a working holiday from Oz - he was 21-) told me he was going home in a few weeks (we had been together several months & he was my first - although after a week he changed his mind anyway & we have been together for 23yrs, married 18) & it broke my heart.

My mother's only consoling words? "When I was 18 my boyfriend killed himself". Yeah, thanks mum..just what a heartbroken 16yr old needs to hear.

But then my mum wasn't particularly very good at being a mum!

JosieGlow · 04/07/2012 00:58

Twinkle you raised the issue of grieving for the loss of your ds's girlfriend and that's what I'm struggling with. DS broke up with his girlfriend (of only 8 weeks but we saw her at least twice a week). And I feel the need to contact her just one time to say that I will miss seeing her smiley face at the door. The only way I can do that is to send her a message on FB (I'm not a 'friend' but can message her). Is that weird?

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