Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

help i found dd old clothes hidden in ds room

52 replies

HUNILUV · 22/02/2006 23:37

While having a sort out i found a carrier bag stuffed in the back of a drawer in ds room my heart sunk when i opened it i actually felt sick it was full of my dd old clothes including underwear but also some items that did not belong to dd.I dont know how to handle this i was going to ask dd if she knew anything but dont feel that would be fair at this stage, i probably should throw them away and hope he grows out of it but i dont want to hurt him or stop him coming to me if he needs to talk it is a great shock and really hard to know what to do.I try to be openminded and try to see things from all angles but to be honest i cant seem to think straight.
I need to talk to him but how do i bring it up and should i let him carry on or tell him he must stop i worry about other people knowing and the reactions he will get.
Anyone else been through this any advice please.

OP posts:

jowen · 22/02/2006 23:39

How old is he?

Lots of boys like to experiment.

Definately do not tell him he must not do this, in fact if I were you I would ignore this completely.

Hattie05 · 22/02/2006 23:41

Hang on there, you don't even know why they are there!!

The thing i'd be worried about is how your son will feel if he knew you'd been looking in his drawer. Would you be better to place them back and not say anything.

There could be many reasons why he has them - messing around with his friends ... If he is enjoying trying them on there is nothing you can do about it, apart from damage his self esteem by admitted you'd been snooping and then showing your digust for what he may or may not have been doing.

Chandra · 22/02/2006 23:47

I think I may be missing something here, is not as if he had a collection of girls underwear is it? or do you think he may be corssdressing? I have a sister who used to hide things in my wardrobe when she didn't want my other sister to find them (guess I had a boring wardrobe ), are you sure he put them there?

What I find more upsetting is the name you chosedn as a nickname, it has certain resemblance to terms used by MApplethorpe to refer to little girl vaginas. Was it intentional?

soapbox · 22/02/2006 23:51

Trippy trap!

Hattie05 · 22/02/2006 23:51

Did have my suspicions!

Hattie05 · 22/02/2006 23:52

Perhaps the poster is describing himself

soapbox · 22/02/2006 23:53

Nothing to be ashamed of - takes all sorts

But a trippy trap nontheless

lockets · 22/02/2006 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LOU38 · 23/02/2006 00:07

Right first of all Chandra i did not realise my nickname refered to anything of the sort and i have now changed it.
He is 13 and its not that i am disgusted by the idea just a bit shocked and confused i wasnt snooping i understand that teenagers need privacy and i can respect that i just feel that if he has these things there msut be a reason and i hope that i would be able to support him if he is a crossdreeser then i know there is not much i can do about it i just wanted to know if anyone else had been through similar and how did they deal with it.If he is a cross dresser then surley its healhier for him not to keep it a big secret but at the same time i dont want to bring it out if just experimenting.

lockets · 23/02/2006 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hattie05 · 23/02/2006 00:12

I didn't say you were disgusted with it (although you do say you hope he grows out of it, which in a teenagers mind would be intepreted as you are disgusted).

13 year old boy, could be finding 'girls' amusing in anyway whatsoever, may have had a dare at school to get some girls clothes, may have enjoyed trying them on with friends - not because they are cross dressers, just because they thought it's be funny. Or yes he may be enjoying dressing in feminine clothes.

Unfortunately 13 year olds are not designed to 'come out' to their parents about anything, let alone cross dressing. He would probably be mortified if he knew you had found these clothes, i think the best thing would be to put them back in the drawer.
Make it clear you are there and available to discuss ANYTHING with him. Even very subtle hints that you don't have a problem with cross-dressers e.g. if one appears on tv, don't show any digust or dislike.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 23/02/2006 00:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hattie05 · 23/02/2006 00:18

I don't think thats fair LGJ, its well enough written to be true.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 23/02/2006 00:26

I shall reserve judgment, most posts at this hour of the night are trolls. There are genuine posts at this hour, I will accept that,but they tend to be few and far between.

Also...........an intersting first post,,,,,,,,,

Most genuine posters tend to say this is my first time here, or I am a regular (and post stuff that only a regular would know)in order to prove the name change.

wabbitintheheadlamps · 23/02/2006 00:29

giving the benefit of the doubt here.... My dd has great fun getting her 'boy' friends into girly clothes, she's 14 and it's all good fun and includes make-up and 'everythang!' Turning Arthur into Martha for a laugh is just that... A laugh!

wabbitintheheadlamps · 23/02/2006 00:31

I often post late... studying and I get distracted! I'm not a troll LGJ

LadySherlockofLGJ · 23/02/2006 00:36

No, you are not a troll, you dip in during the day sometimes, trust me, I have a radar that is, at the risk of sounding big headed, rarely wrong.

Chandra · 23/02/2006 00:36

Thanks for changing it, I still shudder at the term.

I won't be too worried about cross dressing at this age, after all is the age of experimentation so I would prettend I have not seen the bag. However, if he decides to go into that I can't really offer you any other advise than let him be, he may face a life of rejection in the future but if you want to change the things you will only make him even more miserable (or more curious).

Chandra · 23/02/2006 00:38

LGJ do you feel the vibes or can see the aura?

I cannot even be sure if somebody's talking seriously, I bow to your supernatural powers.

wabbitintheheadlamps · 23/02/2006 00:39

I bow to your greater knowledge LGJ

VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/02/2006 00:39

She aint called Sherlock for nothing you know

wabbitintheheadlamps · 23/02/2006 00:40

x post chandra - Snap.. Jinx!!!!

Chandra · 23/02/2006 00:41

The problem is...she is right most of hte times!

jowen · 23/02/2006 00:42

i don't understand the referance to the poster's first name?

LOU38 · 23/02/2006 02:31

I would like to thank those of you who have given advice i will take it board maybe best to just leave well alone for the time being but make sure he knows he can come to me about anything in the future.
I have to say this board seems a bit clicky have i invaded your own personal club some of you have suspicious minds, i didnt expect that and would not have bothered to post if i had known.
It may interest you it might not but i am a junior manager of a company that runs 24 hours the night super called in sick and i was asked to cover thats why im on here surfing in the early hours in the vain hope of staying awake i dont make a habit off it im normally in bed at this time i can assure you.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread