15yr old , xbox and OH

[miskellat]

I'm stuck in the middle of my 15yr old son and my OH. My OH is always commenting on how much time my 15yr is in his room on his xbox that he never goes out, ruining his life and that he has no friends he regularly tells him he is useless/needs to go out and get a life/he's ruining his life etc. My son now hates him and they spend very little time in the same room, barely speak and the atmosphere in the house is awful. The thing is I don't have any problem with the amount of time he spends on his xbox if that's what he enjoys I would prefer him there than just walking the streets. He goes to Army Cadets twice a week, Rookie Lifeguards once a week and is doing his Silver Duke of Edinburgh so does an hours voluntary work each week and is doing an hours revision each night he does more than most of the 15yr olds I know.

Am I too relaxed that the rest of the time my son is in his room playing on his xbox which he is usually talking to his mates. Should I be making him go out and call on mates? What else is there for 15yr olds to do that don't cost a fortune?

I haven't got a 15 year old but that sounds like a good balance of activities to me.

If he's going to Army Cadets, Lifeguards and Dof E each week then he is going out with his mates!!! He is getting a life, he's learning lots of life skills that he wouldn't get hanging around on street corners or in the park!!

I have two teenage boys and an xbox.
We have had problems with overuse in the past and I have rationed it at times . I know friends of theirs are on it substantially more than my two.
It sounds to me as though your DS has got it just right. Is there more to this friction with his dad than the x box? What exactly does he think the lad should be doing when he's finished his homework and his many other activities?

What exactly, considering what he does already, does your OH think he SHOULD be doing instead?!?!

How much time does your OH spend on his hobbies?! If he's anything like mine, it's about the same as your son.

Does your OH REALLY THINK that speaking to DS like that is going to encourage him to want to spend time with you gus, for example?! Your OH needs to blood well relax. Sounds like you have a good kid, who's doing all the things he should be, and just wants a little escapism. If he spent all that time reading books, would your OH feel the same?!?!

Does he get off the XBox easily to go to those activities? Is he getting enough sleep? I'm struggling to see a problem, otherwise.

Your OH tells your DS that he is useless and needs to go out and get a life?! That's awful.

If my OH repeatedly told my 15 year old that he was useless, he'd soon be my ex.

is your oh his dad? if he's not his dad how long has he been around?

Stop being stuck in the middle - get off the fence and defend your son. Your OH is making an issue where there isn't one.

Sounds pretty balanced to me.

Your OH sounds as though he's jealous of your ds.

Is your OH by any chance the type of person who does bugger all himself?

I'm feeling very sorry for your DS. He's doing loads of weekly activities and should be able to have his down-time.

Your OH is being completely unreasonable.

My DS is 16 and does similar stuff to your ds,although past the rookie lifeguard and is qualified with a job as a lifeguard and I would have no problem spending the rest of his time on an xbox if he wanted to.

Your OH is a bully.

OH is stepdad but has brought him up since he was two but I think this is part of the problem I am starting to see a difference in how he treats our youngest. Thanks for the comments I wanted to make sure I wasn't being too soft. I do stand up for my son and I think that's also part of the problem because I don't back up OH (when he is going on about never going out/ ruining his life / how much time on xbox etc) because I don't agree with him. I keep telling him how lucky we are and that he is a good kid who we have no trouble with, apart from a bit cheek and a few Kevin and Perry moments. Will be having a chat with OH and hopefully get it sorted without ruining our relationship as DS won't be a teenager for long.

What does DS actually stand for?

DS

darling/dear son

Your son sounds like a good lad. This may not be the case if his confidence keeps being knocked. Give him a big hug, and try to discuss the situation with your OH.

I think your DS sounds fab .Good balance of his time.
What exactly is your DHs. problem.Instead of moaning your DH should be counting his lucky stars that DS has turned out so well.

That is a lot of high-commitment, impressive activities that your son does.

There's nothing wrong with playing X-box.

There is a lot wrong with a grown man hectoring a teenager about how he chooses to spend his chill-out time and making him feel unwelcome in his own home.

Your son sounds great - I am envious!! My 13 year old son is on his xbox live morning, afternoon and most evenings, he doesn't seem to have a life, he goes to football training once a week, after being told loads of times by his dad to get ready, but because he shows no interest, is always sub at matches, you can tell by the way he looks and acts, he has said he would be sooner at home on his xbox! Any suggestions??

None of his friends from school phone him to go out any more because word has got around he is on xbox all time - his 11 yr old brother have heard his friends say so!!