She can't be bothered to study but wants and expects success. How involved do you get?

[pebblestack]

DD is 15. Exams this year. Mock orals next week.

Bank holiday. She said she'd work all morning because she wanted to spend the afternoon with friends. Except that she got up at 11, watched TV until nearly midday and got all shouty and stroppy when I asked when, exactly, she was going to fit in the work she had planned to do (so as to be free for a party she wants to go to at the weekend).

She was disappointed with recent test results and whinges for ages about how she thought she'd do better.

For some reason she can't see the link.

How involved do you get? We help her when required, but e.g. for history, "helping" her usually involves teaching her what she couldn't be bothered to listen to in class.

Keeping her in won't make her work, it'll just make her resentful. And I'd like her to start taking some responsibility for her own success (or failure...) It makes me want to weep - she is very capable, but just can't quite be bothered.

I did learn at one of those parenty things 1 valuable lesson.
It was a session for parents on how different kids learn or possibly revise in different ways.
Such as some learn better with music on, some dont
some learn better at night, some during the day
some learn stuff with their mates, some dont
some like flow charts , or somesuch, some use something else,sorry hazy memory on this bit.

Amillion, someone upstream said how their child would stomp around and make a huge fuss, and two seconds later be absolutely fine, while the parents are quivering wrecks. Mine's like that - and exactly like Kevin in Bee's link.

We'll see. FWIW, I haven't given up hope of him being happy in life - which is all we both want really.

if they are determined not to do it, it may be time to try and find out why.easier said than done if communication is difficult.
But dont dismiss what they say.
So, eg, if they say "cant be bothered,what is the point", have the 5 year talk with them
if they say"Im too tired", work out with them which part of the day they are the least tired
if they say "I want to go out with my mates",see if that can be accomodated but a bit more minimised
do tell me if i am being a bit simplistic or naive.I can take it.

Good advice, Amillionyears. Listen to them.

this time of year is yuk for parents, i agree.I had about 6 successive years of it.
Hopefully, it is about finding the magic key that will motivate them.
I would say that the exception to the rule is budding entrepreneurs.They, and making generalisations here, seem to find school much too restricting,and flourish afterwards without the qualifications.Or at least they used to.I do get fed up of people saying, eg Lord Sugar or Richard Branson get by ok without many qualifications.To my mind they are the exceptions.

Yes, but there are lots of exceptions at a lower level, even if they are not as successful as Branson or Sugar.

oh yes.I agree.That is what i meant by budding entrepreneurs.And often these entrepreneurs have 2 business failures, before suceeding at the third.
my last post was maybe a bit confusing.
I meant Lord Sugar or Richard Branson are the exceptions in that entrepreneurial types are exceptions to the "needing qualifications to have a good job"rule.

DSS1 (17) and DSS2 (14) have excellent study habits