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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Opinions on a lock on teenagers bedroom door

26 replies

lou4791 · 19/04/2012 20:23

I have a 15 year old DS who has taken it upon himself to fit a bolt type lock on his bedroom door. I really don't like it, find shouting through a locked door irritating and my gut feeling is to remove it, but I am aware of my DS's need for privacy. He says he needs it to keep out his toddler brother who interferes with his things and for general privacy. However, i'm sure he also wants it on so he can get away with screen activities late at night when everything should be turned off.
What are other Mumsnetters' opinions of teenagers being able to lock their bedroom doors?

OP posts:
hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 19/04/2012 20:25

Mine could lock theirs from the outside, I'm not sure how I'd feel if the lock was on the inside though. Does the toddler just saunter into the teen's bedroom?

Original poster
lou4791 · 19/04/2012 20:33

Lock from the outside? With a key?
Yes, his little brother does go in a couple of times most evenings and innocently interferes with X Box activities.

OP posts:
YouAREworthIt · 19/04/2012 20:33

Unplug the wi fi?

NatashaBee · 19/04/2012 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 19/04/2012 20:37

Mine just have bolts on their doors but we did sat locks were ok if that was whst they wanted. I can understand why he's not happy about his little brother wandering in uninvited, it's his space, my two very much needed their own space at that age.

flow4 · 19/04/2012 22:37

I have just had locks fitted on bedroom doors. I told my boys they were not allowed to lock themselves in at night because of fire risks, and I have kept a spare key. My eldest broke the 'rule' and locked the door after just a couple of nights, so I have taken his key away and he can't lock his door at all at the mo. I'll give it back to him in a while, but I'll take it away again if he locks himself in again while he's asleep. I just don't think it's safe.

niceguy2 · 19/04/2012 23:19

I must admit, I had locks on my door when I was a teenager. The fire risk thing is a bit of a red herring really. A swift kick is more than enough to defeat a bolt.

However, whilst I can understand why he wants a lock at the same time he needs to understand that he is a big brother and much older. So he has a responsibility to teach his younger brother that his room is out of bounds and so is his xbox. Locking his door is not the right answer.

More likely he wants more late night xbox time and (ahem) whatever else 15year old boys do whilst alone in their bedroom. The former you can unplug the wifi or put parental restrictions on the console. For the latter, let him lock the door and ensure he has a good supply of tissues! Grin

TheCatInTheHairnet · 19/04/2012 23:22

I think the idea of locks on bedroom doors are horrible. It just seems so untrusting. Much better to teach the importance of respecting one another's privacy.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2012 23:40

I ouldn't let my teenager have a lock on their door

I knock before I go in (and actually wait a few seconds before walking in) but no to locks for me

LaurieFairyCake · 19/04/2012 23:46

I'd be fine with a lock on the door to keep toddlers out. And obviously they are entitled to wanking privacy.

Screen time/ x box/ tv - should all be off at night and is a separate issue - dd has to put phone/stereo/computer outside her room at bedtime. If he's difficult you could always turn the electricity off when you go to bed at 9.30 ;)

AnyFucker · 19/04/2012 23:54

when he is inside the room, he can keep the toddler out himself

I would consider a tiny bolt, up at the top of the outside of the door, to keep nosy toddler out when the room is unoccupied

nothing else

LaurieFairyCake · 19/04/2012 23:58

I've met a lot of parents who don't respect boundaries though and think they can go in even if the child inside has said hang on. I never go in dd's room unless invited or she opens the door.

BackforGood · 20/04/2012 00:02

I wouldn't be happy about my teenagers having locks on their bedroom doors, but I think you have a responsibility to your teenager to ensure the little one understands he is not allowed in there unless his brother invites him in.

Kaekae · 20/04/2012 00:02

When I was a teenager I had a little bolt at the top of my door on the outside because I had a toddler brother who would go in my room and sometimes rip up my school books etc. As much as I wanted one was never allowed a lock on the inside, health and safety risk.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 20/04/2012 00:04

I had a lock on my door when I was a teen - compulsory with my thieving sister in the house.

I think its fine as long as its not locked at night.

TheSecondComing · 20/04/2012 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clippityclop · 20/04/2012 00:09

Horrible idea. Parent should keep an eye on toddler, teach him limits and fit a lock outside only if it's really too hard to keep him out of the teenager's room. While the teen lives with you the room is part of your collective home, should be respected and kept clean by him. Knock to go in when the room is occupied.

MissCeliaFoote · 20/04/2012 00:14

I know he's your son so you don't want to hear this, but he is 15. He probably wants it so he can have a wank without you or his toddler brother walking in on him. Sensible idea really...
My mother installed locks on all of mine and my sisters' bedroom doors as teenagers because she wanted us to have privacy and not have to worry about my dad walking in while we were getting changed or my much younger brother walk in while we were with our boyfriends or whatever. If my mum said however 'open this door' we would obviously do as she asked.
So I think you should let him have the lock and of course I'm sure he'll open the door for you if and when he is asked. In three years he'll be leaving home, allow him this small privacy. Quite surprised at the number of people who wouldn't want their 15 year olds to have a lock on their door.

empirestateofmind · 20/04/2012 06:04

My daughters have locks on their doors, they rarely lock them but know not to lock themselves in at night. They are big heavy doors so a swift kick would not open them.

A small toddler wandering in randomly wouldn't go down well with most teenagers - if you don't like the lock can you change the door handle so it has to be pushed up to open? Would that keep him out? Can you put a baby gate somewhere to stop him going near his brother's room?

daffodilly2 · 21/04/2012 14:59

locks are brilliant We have those push in locks from hardware stores which have a small key slot which you can put anything in to open them from the outside if you need to. It allows for teenagers to let you know when they want private time and if they won't open it when t is time to study , you unlock it yourself. It makes them feel like they have their own independent space and a tiny bit of control so needed in adolescence.

Also brilliant for parents to have a lock so private time is not rudely interupted.

musicposy · 22/04/2012 00:31

Reading this thread, I think I need to go out and buy a whole load of locks! The DDs are always taking hours in the bathroom because they won't get changed in their bedrooms in case someone walks in on them - not that we do (except for the dog who can open doors Hmm ). We could put one on our door too so DH and I can have sex without waiting until 1am and hoping they are asleep.

startail · 22/04/2012 00:42

Just no!
Bolt out of reach on out side ok, toddlers will sneak in what ever they are told.

DD is 14 and she knows I will wander in and out at will and only randomly knock.
She stays up far too late watching things on her lap top.

startail · 22/04/2012 00:44

We do have bolts on tops of doors from when DD1 was tiny because she fiddled with everything and it was a total pita having to keep our room and the spare room toddlerproof.

empirestateofmind · 22/04/2012 11:01

A bolt on the outside isn't much use if DS is inside the room and doesn't want to be disturbed. It needs to be on the inside.

I like the sound of the locks you can open with a coin or something if necessary.

febel · 27/04/2012 17:20

I like the sound of the locks you can open with coin...but then if you can do that what's the point of the lock?! My 20 yr old wants a key lock (she has a bolt on outside) and I a looking for one which isn't too obvious. She wants one cos her little ...of a sister at 14 has been into her room a few times and taken stuff to wear/bags etc..but always gets found out cos she isn't devious enough! Tried the trust thing, unfortunately doesn't seem to work in her case......