Failing A Levels

[sands42]

Eldest daughter never put much effort in at school but managed to do ok, passed GCSES, not as good grades as she could have got but not bad considering she did hardly any work.
She went to sixth form college and obviously thought she could get away with the same for A Levels. This is just not happening, last year wasn't too bad, she was scraping by but this year is awful. She is doing no work and it looks like she will fail her A Levels this summer.
I don't know what to do, tried every approach, not getting angry and trying to encourage her. Trying to explain that she won't get into university and will be stuck here while all her friends have gone.
Nothing works, she ignores me, just doesn't care and says it's her life. She is only interested in going out, smoking and drinking.
To make things worse, financially things are bad for us. I can't afford to support her living at home not working or at college.
I really don't know what to do.

Don't really know what to suggest - having a DS who failed his A levels but not because of going out ,if only .

You poor thing ,it's such a worry I know .
The trouble is ,even if they're bright ,studying just isn't for everyone .
It's easy to be furious and dissapointed with them ...but well ,most of ones life is spent working ,not studying and taking exams .
I mean try not to let your view of her be defined just by this unwillingness to buckle down and study .

I'm not sure there is much you can do - maybe coming to terms with letting her fail and make her own way in life will help ? ( it doesn't do it for me ,but I know one is supposed to sit back and let them get on with it ,what else can you do ) .

Maybe tell her calmly about your finances and inability to help ?

And take heart - she could get a job in a pub ? ,do badly at A levels and still do a Foundation year or a Foundation Degree to lead on to better things ?

Or leave and work and go back into education at some other point in her life ?

Sorry not be more helpful - you're in good company I can tell you !

I feel for you! Our children can bring us such joy, yet also bring us such worry. Maybe education isn't her thing? I won't hog your thread with my own tales of woe (18-year-old DD who is currently on her third and last chance at gaining A Levels.) She's leaving college at the end of term and has two interviews this week. Fingers crossed she gets one of them.

Try not to allow your daughter to stress you over this. She will find her own path to success and sometimes, as much as we want to protect our babies, we need to let them make their own mistakes on that path?

Remember you're not the first to be in this position and you won't be the last; It is just very scary when you are in the middle of it.

Sorry I've just realised I've practically written the same post as gingeroots. Great minds think alike.

I'd have a last ditch attempt at talking to her about the reality of her life if she fails. Ask her what she will do. Outline the fact that adults not in education pay rent and all their own costs. Show your love by telling her you don't mind what she does but you do want her to be happy doing it and you are worried she is throwing away her future.

Then discuss your finances and 'apologise' < you shouldn't have to but teens won't get that!! that you will not be able to support her if she leaves school and doesn't get a job ...but you will help her look into benefits or for interviews

Thanks everyone. I am going to have a last attempt at talking to her and then leave it. I think she needs to go to university though, needs to take some responsibility because she behaves like a spoilt brat. She needs to go for my sanity, her behaviour at home is awful, shouting, sulking and treating me like a servant.

Don't you just feel sometimes you have done everything for your children and it's been a waste of time. Some of her friends hardly see their parents from one week to the next, and they are so grown up and responsible.

There was another thread exactly the same a couple of weeks ago, so you are soooo not alone! On the other thread i said my DD 18yrs was the same, she had some health issues too. After talking to my youngest brother she looked up an au pair job and on 31st Aug took a Eurostar train to Paris! She's currently living in a little self contained loft appartment with a window over looking the Eiffel Tower and studying in the University of Life! Shes V happy and learning LOADS. She has a proper au pair contract and is paid €500 a month. Dont know where it will lead, but its positive and shes self sufficient.

I cant give her a penny because i have none spare, so she is learning to manage.

Lovely post weevil :)

sands - yes oh yes. It hurts so much.

...but you want her to go to uni because (it can be a good start for a working life) and it's a good launch out of the family home (which is essential)

She may not share those goals or beliefs.

If she acknowledges that, rather than fails and the end result is a fait accompli for something she wanted....she takes responsibility for her path in life

I would make it an absolute rule that she stops treating you so badly. Hard to enforce I know, but think of some sanctions. What you are asking is not unreasonable. You need to stop taking any responsibility for her results. Don't feel that she can treat you badly and you must suck it up.

weevils it was my thread!!

op pm me!!

Hows things now gimme?